Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

If you are ever feeling particularly ineffectual, remember --- it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and 4 US presidents to replace the Taliban with ... the Taliban.

 

[phinds]

WAY too close to home:

 

[DaveC426913]

If you are ever feeling particularly ineffectual, remember ---

...there's someone out there whose job it is to install turn signals on BMWs.

 

[artis]

If you are ever feeling particularly ineffectual, remember --- it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and 4 US presidents to replace the Taliban with ... the Taliban.

I think that is more of a testament to what faith can do.
Faith as such doesn't necessarily have to be for a good cause, as long as a group is fanatical about something it works.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jtbell]

Did you know that the Easter Bunny has a side hustle?

'Easter Bunny' listed as prosecutor in hundreds of Iowa court cases (Des Moines Register / Iowa Capital Dispatch)

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 300552

That must be a biofuel-powered car. The driver supplies the fuel.

 

[artis]

Vin Diesel or as I call him "biofuel" seems to have a look a like living in Thailand

https://mothership.sg/2022/02/vin-diesel-lookalike-thailand/
I can't wait to see the "2 Fast & 2 Jinping - drifting in Beijing" edition

 

[*now*]

 

[jack action]

Seen on the Parents guide for Playing It Cool from IMDB:

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 300656

I know my music and i know my movies but I read that three times before the penny dropped.

 

[mfb]

It only "works" if you have no idea how to pronounce "Bach". Here is an example.
The only common sound is the "b".

 

[artis]

It only "works" if you have no idea how to pronounce "Bach". Here is an example.
The only common sound is the "b".

If it wasn't for you I would still be guessing Schwarzenegger's response, and I do know Bach... but I have long forgotten the Terminator.

Here is a joke from me, back when I was younger I learned some German in school, the basics. I knew that schwarz is black in German and "schwarze" means black as for a person, right @mfb ?
And "negger" translates from German as negro.

So for a while back in school I thought of Arnold as some grandson of a influential slave trader or some other white colonizer... until bit later I found out that his surname means a geographical place in Austria...from then on I never translate surnames directly even if they can be translated.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schwarzenegger_(surname)

is a German surname that means person from Schwarzenegg, which is both a village in Switzerland (currently split between the municipalities of Unterlangenegg and Oberlangenegg) and a place in Land Salzburg in Austria.

 

[fresh_42]

If it wasn't for you I would still be guessing Schwarzenegger's response, and I do know Bach...

Me, too. I remembered I'll be back but couldn't associate it with any composer. It simply wasn't funny for me.

 

[pinball1970]

If it wasn't for you I would still be guessing Schwarzenegger's response, and I do know Bach... but I have long forgotten the Terminator.

I had a feeling it was more than just the Terminator where he says it, a quick google…

Commando (1985)
Raw Deal (1986)
Running Man (1987)
Twins (1988)
Total Recall (1990)
Last Action Hero (1993)
The 6th Day (2000)
The Expendables 2 (2012)

 

[pinball1970]

Why did Bach walk into the store but then walk out again without buying anything?

Because he realized he was Baroque.

 

[jbriggs444]

Why did Bach walk into the store but then walk out again without buying anything?

Because he realized he was Baroque.

Where is the emoji for running out of the room screaming while holding one's nose?

 

[fresh_42]

These puns are so bad, I'm going to Haydn myself.

 

[pinball1970]

These puns are so bad, I'm going to Haydn myself.

Last one promise

A middle C an F and an Ab walked into a bar.

“sorry” the barman said.

“I'm afraid we don’t serve minors”

 

[jack action]

 

[artis]

Evening news titles
Today: Kremlin insiders disagree with Putin on further war strategy
Tomorrow: Kremlin outsiders...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[wrobel]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Hamiltonian]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Borg]

My wife says that I would be wrong for being in the forest.

 

[fresh_42]

My wife says that I would be wrong for being in the forest.

And besides that, wrong is the default setting by the manufacturer.

 

[DrGreg]

I went to see a psychic. She asked me "what seems to be the problem." I replied "you tell me!"

(The above joke was recently posted in a serious thread, not here.)

When I'd booked to see a psychic, she had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

(The above joke was recently posted in a serious thread, not here.)

When I'd booked to see a psychic, she had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances.

Two psychics had an appointment, but they never met.

 

[Ibix]

Isn't there a Gary Larson cartoon with the First International Psychics Conference? Apparently everything went very well except for a slight tension stemming from the unforeseen faux pas of everyone wearing identical dresses.

 

[WWGD]

Isn't there a Gary Larson cartoon with the First International Psychics Conference? Apparently everything went very well except for a slight tension stemming from the unforeseen faux pas of everyone wearing identical dresses.

I can just imagine such meet, which gets tiresome, as every other statement is " I knew you were going to say that".

 

[DennisN]

Yes, accordions can be considered to be weapons...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jedishrfu]

View attachment 300825

I think this depends on whether quantum entanglement is involved.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[wrobel]

where is it?

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 300887

where is it?

Try a reverse look up. The lower right address has a .ru extension.

 

[fresh_42]

Try a reverse look up. The lower right address has a .ru extension.

Yes, but the language isn't Cyrillic and the truck looks as if it drives on the left. The sign that indicates a zone for pedestrians is used in Europe. My guess: somewhere in the UK, or maybe Ireland.

 

[Halc]

truck looks as if it drives on the left

Body language means nothing. It's taking it wide for the tight turn.

Volvo truck in cz or vicinity. Unclear how wide their range of operation is.
Headquartered around Sokolov, Chech RepublicEdit: Found it:
https://www.google.com/maps/@50.082...4!1sXuuRrbyw9Qd67wr1zV9HGg!2e0!7i16384!8i8192

 

[chrishgv]

my neighbour came down knocking at my door at 3am this the morning. screaming and shouting like a total nut job.luckily for him i was already up practicing my bagpipes.

 

[WWGD]

Yes, but the language isn't Cyrillic and the truck looks as if it drives on the left. The sign that indicates a zone for pedestrians is used in Europe. My guess: somewhere in the UK, or maybe Ireland.

True, I just referred ( or should have) to the nationality of the taker of the pic.

 

[mfb]

Here is a joke from me, back when I was younger I learned some German in school, the basics. I knew that schwarz is black in German and "schwarze" means black as for a person, right @mfb ?
And "negger" translates from German as negro.

"Schwarze" is the plural, black people. "Neger" would be "negro", with two "g" it's not a German word.

In a compound word the first one should somehow make the second one more specific (e.g. "Segelboot", sail boat, is a specific type of boat). Combining "Schwarze" and "Neger" wouldn't make sense, but if we ignore that it should probably be "Schwarzenneger" to combine the two.

Many German last names end in "er", referring to a job or less commonly a place. English has the same "er" e.g. for mill -> Miller or New York -> New Yorker.