Collection of Lame Jokes

[pinball1970]

Gosh, this one is so funny (I just saw it on facebook) :

View attachment 303811

Looks far side. I loved those in the 90s

 

[strangerep]

Looks far side. I loved those in the 90s

Gary Larson still produces cartoons, slowly, on his website. I check it every day. A psychiatrist could write an entire book on whatever is really going on in Larson's deep subconscious.

My favorite is an old cartoon where a line of cows are waiting to go into an abattoir. One cow at the end yells at another nearer the front who is trying to cut in line, and says: "Hey you! End of the line!"

 

[fresh_42]

Physicists found out but decide to go back in again.

 

[Orodruin]

This reminds me of my time as a PhD student. The department used to have a large unused glass display case. I put a sign on it ”Don’t feed the neutrinos”.

 

[Ibix]

I put a sign on it ”Don’t feed the neutrinos”.

You wouldn't want them to gain mass.

 

[Orodruin]

You wouldn't want them to gain mass.

That’s the problem. Someone fed the right-handed neutrinos and look where we’re at …

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 303934

This reminds me of my time as a PhD student. The department used to have a large unused glass display case. I put a sign on it ”Don’t feed the neutrinos”.

There is a deluxe present version available: wrapped in specific papers according to the occasion and filled with mist and some extra surprise myons.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Jodo]

What is blue and smells like red paint?

Red paint moving very fast towards you.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Jodo]

As a physicist, I find myself working with engineers quite often. I used to have a hard time until I figured out what we have in common. We both wish we were physicists."

 

[Ibix]

What is blue and smells like red paint?

Red paint moving very fast towards you.

Think I've told this one before, but a friend claims to have seen a bumper sticker in the carpark at CERN that said

If this sticker appears blue you are driving too fast

Edit: knew I'd posted it before.

 

[Orodruin]

Einstein shouting out of a train window to a railroad worker:
”Excuse me, young man! Does Hamburg stop at this train?”

 

[strangerep]

View attachment 303954

I actually tried this starting a couple of years ago, by resuming my teenage interest in chess. In the first tournament I attempted, my heart nearly gave out from the stress.

It seems I can't win (in life nor at chess).

 

[strangerep]

As a physicist, I find myself working with engineers quite often. I used to have a hard time until I figured out what we have in common. We both wish we were physicists."

Experimental or theoretical?

Istm that theoretical engineering overlaps quite a bit with theoretical physics.

 

[Baluncore]

Where the precise mathematics and joules of physics, interface with the $ of economics, and the compromises of commerce, you will find an isolation transformer. That victim, abused from both sides, is called an engineer.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

Utah's Great Salt Lake has been shrinking so much, I hear it's going to be renamed the Great Salt Lick.

 

[BillTre]

Utah's Great Salt Lake has the potential to become a large source of toxic dust for the Salt Lake city area if enough of it becomes a salt flat. It has a lot of toxic runoff from old mining operations in the area.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

God was talking to Adam when Adam noticed a guy off in the distance and asked God who that was. God said, ah that's Keith Richards. He was here when I got here.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[phinds]

 

[DrGreg]

There are 3 kinds of people -- those who can count and those who can't.
________________

There are 10 kinds of people -- those who understand binary and those who don't.
_______________

There are II kinds of people -- those who understand roman numerals and those who don't.

 

[Ibix]

There are two kinds of people: (1) those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Baluncore]

I believe that is actually an early 4G version. The easiest way to identify the difference is to note that the chemtrails from the latest 5G systems, are now made invisible by the addition of fluoride.

 

[Ibix]

From an earlier post with a similar theme, I believe they don't actually fly but are carried by swarms of murder hornets.

 

[Orodruin]

carried by swarms of murder hornets.

… genetically modified of course.

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 304169

This reminded me of a very funny page I found when I was searching the net for "most hated fonts". There are some hilarious quotes on that page:

https://www.prepressure.com/fonts/interesting/most-hated

e.g.

Comic Sans: “It’s not that it’s a terrible font – it’s rather that it suits non-designers far better than those with a sense of the aesthetic would like.”

Arial: "If you’re working in a medium where you’re not restricted to certain fonts, and you’re considering using Arial – don’t.”

Times New Roman: "I cannot look at Times New Roman without automatically assuming that it is a placeholder font, waiting to be replaced by something appropriate for the text.“

Brush Script: "Brush Script is a useful tool for identifying morons. It is the typeface equivalent of the backward-worn baseball cap.”

 

[pinball1970]

This reminded of a very funny page I found when I was searching the net for "most hated fonts". There are some hilarious quotes on that page:

https://www.prepressure.com/fonts/interesting/most-hated

e.g.

Comic Sans: “It’s not that it’s a terrible font – it’s rather that it suits non-designers far better than those with a sense of the aesthetic would like.”

Arial: "If you’re working in a medium where you’re not restricted to certain fonts, and you’re considering using Arial – don’t.”

Times New Roman: "I cannot look at Times New Roman without automatically assuming that it is a placeholder font, waiting to be replaced by something appropriate for the text.“

Brush Script: "Brush Script is a useful tool for identifying morons. It is the typeface equivalent of the backward-worn baseball cap.”

It's so weird the things that get under one's skin.

Comic sans. Anyone over the age of 12 who uses it is either childish, stupid or thinks they are funny when everyone just thinks they are annoying.

I DO use Arial though, 11. It's innocuous enough. What am I missing?

 

[DennisN]

I DO use Arial though, 11. It's innocuous enough. What am I missing?

I won't argue with you. I still like Arial myself.

 

[Bandersnatch]

Comic sans. Anyone over the age of 12 who uses it is either childish, stupid or thinks they are funny when everyone just thinks they are annoying.

How rude.

 

[pinball1970]

How rude.

Do you have different experience? If you have a positive experience then please share.
EDIT. This is a font we are discussing, kind of tongue in cheek. I probably have friends who use Comic sans. Fine people, educated, professional. Just at weekends though possibly. Not a regular thing. Can stop any time.

 

[Borg]

Font style does matter.

 

[pinball1970]

Font style does matter.

View attachment 304177

Fonts matter!

 

[Bandersnatch]

Do you have different experience? If you have a positive experience then please share.

Well, there's this one person I know who uses it sometimes, and by my humble judgement he's rather mature, intelligent, and generally funny. Also rather quite handsome. And good with children. And humble, too. Hates explaining his jokes, though.

 

[pinball1970]

Well, there's this one person I know who uses it sometimes, and by my humble judgement he's rather mature, intelligent, and generally funny. Also rather quite handsome. And good with children. And humble, too. Hates explaining his jokes, though.

QED

 

[fresh_42]

Well, there's this one person I know who uses it sometimes, and by my humble judgement he's rather mature, intelligent, and generally funny. Also rather quite handsome. And good with children. And humble, too. Hates explaining his jokes, though.

QEE

A quick reminder:

When posting a new topic do not use the CAPS lock (all-CAPS), bold, oversized, non-standard, or brightly colored fonts, or any combination thereof.

 

[pinball1970]

QEE

A quick reminder:

Apologies I was trying to be pithy.

Quod erat demonstradum.

 

[pinball1970]

QEE

A quick reminder:

QEE?

 

[fresh_42]

QEE?

Quod erat expectandum.

(lIchopbe'chugh bommey DIlIjbe'mo' - Changing fonts is not funny.)

 

[DennisN]

I just read another page about disliked fonts (linked to from the first font page I posted above), and I laughed when I read this quote about the font "Curlz MT":

"Curlz MT is not a font; it's a cry for help."

:)

From: The 7 worst fonts
https://lmnop.blogs.com/lauren/2006/10/americas_most_f.html

 

[pinball1970]

Quod erat expectandum.


View attachment 304178

( lIchopbe'chugh bommey DIlIjbe'mo' - Changing fonts is not funny.)

Numbers? This is what happens when you stick a pithy Latin phrase in front of a mathematician.
I was going for the, Quidquid latine dictum, altum videtur concept.

 

[pinball1970]

I just read another page about disliked fonts (linked to from the first font page I posted above), and I laughed when I read this quote about the font "Curlz MT":

"Curlz MT is not a font; it's a cry for help."

:)

From: The 7 worst fonts
https://lmnop.blogs.com/lauren/2006/10/americas_most_f.html

America's most fronted. Probably the best named website after? I don't know. I'm in awe.
Please take note of enemy number one. @Bandersnatch