Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

I've just finished writing my book on penguins! In hindsight, it would probably have been easier to write it on paper.

So that's why they're called Penguin Books!

 

[Ibix]

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

 

[BillTre]

Time flies like an arrow,
fruit flies like a banana.

 

[jim mcnamara]

See: https://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/04/time-flies-arrow/

QI has traced the core of the quotation to the work of an early researcher in artificial intelligence, Anthony Oettinger, who was trying to get a computer to manipulate the English language. In the magazine Scientific American in 1966, Oettinger describes a computer program that takes sentences as input and attempts to determine which words are acting as verbs, nouns, adjectives, and adverbs, etcetera [OET]. The example input he uses is “Time flies like an arrow”, but the task is complicated because the computer program must also work properly for sentences such as “Fruit flies like a banana” and “Time runners with a stop-watch”. Here is what he says: ...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jim mcnamara]

What do Europeans call women who act out the "Karen" meme?

Spoiler

American

 

[256bits]

Would you even notice if a fly gave you the bird?
It has such so tiny fingers.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for March 30, 2020

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

Do you know the difference between a UFO and a bad driver? (Turn your phone around or see the spoiler)

Spoiler

 

[Ibix]

That's brilliant! There are a few clues that the image is upside down, but it's amazingly misleading. Well done to whoever saw the possibility in that shot...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

An old classic: what do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia.

 

[Ibix]

Why should you always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

You don't want to wake the sleeping pills.

 

[Ibix]

A Yorkshireman goes into a comic shop and says "I'm looking for the latest edition of that comic about the Belgian detective boy, but I can't remember his name."

"Tintin," says the shopkeeper.

"Never mind," says the customer. "I'll try again next week."

 

[Ibix]

How do you make fruit punch?

Teach it boxing.

 

[256bits]

Check your clocks every day, and keep them well nourished.
If they are hungry, they go back for seconds.

 

[256bits]

Year 2020 wanted to make a name for itself, and it has accomplished that goal.
Just by the look of things so far, it will be remembered.

All the other wise knowing years are quietly mumbling about this whippersnapper of a year, your days are numbered.

 

[DrGreg]

Year 2020 wanted to make a name for itself, and it has accomplished that goal.
Just by the look of things so far, it will be remembered.

I feel I ought to make some sort of joke about 2020 vision. But I can't see it.

 

[Ibix]

I feel I ought to make some sort of joke about 2020 vision. But I can't see it.

Wait until 2021 - then you'll have 2020 hindsight.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[fresh_42]

Life began in a cell.
Sometimes,
it ends in it, as well.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

It was a surprise. 2020 started of without a problem and then, right off the bat, Covid showed up.