Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

How do you run a fowl of the law in Yellowstone National Park?

By cooking a chicken in one of the hot springs.

 

[Jarvis323]

I'm not sure if this goes here. Maybe it should go in the weird news compilation, but this has me laughing more than I have in years. I just bought a commemorative t-shirt.

 

[jtbell]

Staffer #1: "We need to hold a press conference. Where would be a good place for it?"

Staffer #2: "The Four Seasons [Hotel] would be nice." [raises voice] "Alexa, call Four Seasons for me!"

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

Staffer #1: "We need to hold a press conference. Where would be a good place for it?"

Staffer #2: "The Four Seasons [Hotel] would be nice." [raises voice] "Alexa, call Four Seasons for me!"

Interestingly, The Four Seasons Total Landscaping location had a crematorium on one side and a Fantasy Island adult store on the other.
Nice Setting!

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Reminder that politics jokes are banned, thanks!

 

[phinds]

 

[Ibix]

Did you know bagels have star signs? They're all Tauruses.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 272511

and before taking selfies.

 

[davenn]

 

[nsaspook]

Lame, there are B batteries.

 

[phinds]

Lame, there are B batteries.

Not to any appreciable extent in the US. In GB they are sometimes used.

 

[phinds]

Besides which, B batteries are very difficult for stutterers to order.

Clerk: what do you want.
Customer: I w-want b-batteries p-please
Clerk: sure, what size?
Customer: b-batteries
Clerk: yes, I understand, but what SIZE?
.
.
.

 

[WWGD]

Lame, there are B batteries.

But why there no B 'R' batteries?

 

[WWGD]

Evidence of voting irregularities found:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

Besides which, B batteries are very difficult for stutterers to order.

Clerk: what do you want.
Customer: I w-want b-batteries p-please
Clerk: sure, what size?
Customer: b-batteries
Clerk: yes, I understand, but what SIZE?
.
.
.

 

[davenn]

Lame, there are B batteries.

Not to any appreciable extent in the US. In GB they are sometimes used.

Nor in Oz or NZ
I actually had to google B Battery to see what they looked like ... appears to be several variations

 

[phinds]

Nor in Oz or NZ
I actually had to google B Battery to see what they looked like ... appears to be several variations

For those who don't know, "OZ" is what we in The US call "AU" (Australia)

 

[fresh_42]

I found out ...

... but went back in again.

 

[sysprog]

Before I speak, I have something important to say. $-$ Groucho

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Before I speak, I have something important to say. $-$ Groucho

Would that be before or after uttering it?

 

[sysprog]

Would that be before or after uttering it?

It would be Groucho $-$ "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

 

[BillTre]

Also:
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read."

 

[Keith_McClary]

Inside of a dog its too dark to read.

You can get an endoscope camera with a light (so that homework excuse is no good anymore).

 

[mfb]

My dog ate my homework but luckily I have the endoscope!

Spoiler

Please return both after you graded my homework.