Collection of Lame Jokes

[Keith_McClary]

Last month I tried to post a cartoon about the annoying pre-election period.

 

[fresh_42]

Last month I tried to post a cartoon about the annoying pre-election period.

Just a matter of enough popcorn.

 

[mfb]

and distance. Don't forget the distance. One ocean is recommended.

 

[strangerep]

View attachment 271697

... and where are all the wildlife rescue people when you really need them? There's a beached whale here that needs saving!

 

[fresh_42]

I never thought it had been meant literally when some dude said "I have to go for Bengal tigers."

 

[wrobel]

View attachment 271020

long ago as a schoolboy I was taught that "them" was not applied to inanimate objects. But further communicating with native English speakers I discovered that it is not true

 

[mfb]

What would your teacher write instead of "where are houses when you need them"?

 

[wrobel]

What would your teacher write instead of "where are houses when you need them"?

I do not know I can not conduct spiritualistic sessions

 

[mfb]

Well, you remember the teacher didn't want to use "them". Maybe you remember what the teacher used instead?

 

[phinds]

What would your teacher write instead of "where are houses when you need them"?

Where are houses when you need the damned things?

 

[fresh_42]

What would your teacher write instead of "where are houses when you need them"?

Where the houses when you need a roof over your head?

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 272309

And do not plant daisies!

 

[Fervent Freyja]

And do not plant daisies!

Why not? My favorite flower! Wild, free and simply beautiful!

 

[fresh_42]

Why not? My favorite flower! Wild, free and simply beautiful!

Yes, but if you plant them where you have hidden a body that shall not be found, then everybody can see that someone is pushing daisies there,

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

(EDIT: Although, polar bears have appeared 3000 m high, in the middle of the Greenland Ice Sheet more than 300 km from the nearest coast.)

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

Q: What's Yoda's last name?

Spoiler: A:

Layheehoo

 

[WWGD]

 

[mfb]

Cargo space?

Musk: Hold my Falcon Heavy

(see my avatar)

 

[etotheipi]

 

[BillTre]

I recall a car guys episode (on NPR) where a Möbius fan belt was used on some German car.
Having twice as long side in contact with the pulleys was supposed to prolong its life.

 

[Jarvis323]

 

[etotheipi]

View attachment 272375

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?

Spoiler: Answer

Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.

 

[gmax137]

Do you think ignorance, or apathy, is a bigger problem today?

Spoiler

I don't know, and I don't care.

 

[DrGreg]

Do you think ignorance, or apathy, is a bigger problem today?

Spoiler

I don't know, and I don't care.

Last week I thought procrastination was the problem, but I've been putting off saying so.