Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

Erm?

Corrected. Was a translation error from Google Translate that I missed.

 

[Bandersnatch]

Corrected. Was a translation error from Google Translate that I missed.

Hello. Please explain the joke please. Thank you.

 

[fresh_42]

Hello. Please explain the joke please. Thank you.

You can have the hammer but you have to return (shows up) it.

 

[Filip Larsen]

You can have the hammer but you have to return (shows up) it.

 

[topsquark]

You can have the hammer but you have to return (shows up) it.

I had figured this one to be one of the jokes that pick out the people who will laugh at anything. Like:
What did one baby say to the other?

What wall?

(Then laugh maniacally and see who joins in.)

-Dan

 

[berkeman]

Sheesh, why do we have to explain stuff like this?! Google translate mis-translated "boomerang" as "submarine". The two are very close in German.

 

[fresh_42]

The problem was that Google gave me "show up" for "auftauchen" which should have been "breaking the surface" in English. We say "auftauchen" for subs and for things that "show up" again after being out of sight.

0-7. I am very, very disappointed.

 

[DaveC426913]

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You learn a lot, but the frog dies.

 

[Ibix]

Erm?

I, too, was wondering what that joke was talking u-boot.

 

[jack action]

"Can you lend me the hammer?"
"Sure, but it's made of submarine steel."
"What does this mean?"
"It shows up again."

This is the kind of joke that always makes me wonder: The joke is so lame that I don't want to give it a thumbs up so as to not encourage future publications of similar jokes ... but "lame jokes" is the subject of the thread, thus it corresponds exactly to the expected criteria! So I'm always torn between reacting well to it or not.

 

[fresh_42]

This is the kind of joke that always makes me wonder: The joke is so lame that I don't want to give it a thumbs up so as to not encourage future publications of similar jokes ... but "lame jokes" is the subject of the thread, thus it corresponds exactly to the expected criteria! So I'm always torn between reacting well to it or not.

... and in addition, I got caught in laziness, letting Google translate it without making the effort to check the result. let alone choose the correct pronoun and verb.

I found it funny. It reminds me of jokes they make here with kids who want to become a craftsman. It can happen that they send you to the hardware store to get anvil grease or things like that.

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 325537

This could be an emoji.

 

[fresh_42]

This could be an emoji.

I once caused the following dialogue:

"You laugh! Can you explain it to me?"
"No. I just learned when to laugh."

 

[TonyStewart]

This is the kind of joke that always makes me wonder: The joke is so lame that I don't want to give it a thumbs up so as to not encourage future publications of similar jokes ... but "lame jokes" is the subject of the thread, thus it corresponds exactly to the expected criteria! So I'm always torn between reacting well to it or not.

"Can you lend me the hammer?"
.... "Sure thing, but be careful with it. It's made of submarine steel."
"Submarine steel? What's so special about that?"
.... "Well, if you use it to hammer a nail, it's going to submarine your thumb!"
"What? That's not funny!"
.... "Hey, you said you wanted it to be funnier.
.... I'm just trying to hammer home a joke here."

..."What's so special about submarine steel?"
"Well, if you use it to nail something down,
it's guaranteed to stay down,
even if Atlantis rises again."

...
Submarine steel? What does that even mean?" asked Tom.

"Well," Jerry said with a smirk, "it means that if you use it to nail something, it'll come back up to the surface again like a submarine."

Tom looked puzzled for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Okay, okay, you got me there! I'll be careful not to accidentally launch anything into orbit!"

...
"Sure, but it's made of submarine steel." "What does this mean?" "Well, it means that if you accidentally drop it in the ocean, it'll sink straight to the bottom! But don't worry, it'll show up again... in a few million years when archaeologists find it and wonder why someone made a hammer out of submarine steel."courtesy: ChatGPT

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

"Where did you go on your vacation?"
"Mallorca. We had a great time."
"Where's that?"
"I don't know. We flew."

 

[Filip Larsen]

The problem was that Google gave me "show up" for "auftauchen" which should have been "breaking the surface" in English. We say "auftauchen" for subs and for things that "show up" again after being out of sight.

So to beat the proverbial dead horse (erm, joke) a bit more, I now understand it to be something like:

"Can I have my special hammer back you borrowed last week?"
"Oh, sorry! I can't find it right now, but don't worry it will eventually surface."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you did say it was made from submarine steel!"

 

[dextercioby]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 325567

...using a hammer made of submarine steel.

-Dan

 

[phinds]

Two blonds walk into a building.
You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[TonyStewart]

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?...7C57B653C69D0679A83C7C57B653C69D0&FORM=VDQVAP

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 325666

General Zod and the Zodettes?

 

[Halc]

General Zod and the Zodettes?

Does that make the bearded guy a Zodette?

 

[Ibix]

Does that make the bearded guy a Zodette?

I think he's the drummer.

 

[fresh_42]

I think he's the drummer.

And she is the hummer? Wouldn't that make it "Zod and the Zummers"?

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 325669

But they save a lot of server space because they won't have to protocol the communication anymore!

 

[Bandersnatch]

First man on the moon:
H: Next on the checklist is number 54. Time to examine your exhaust port.
FMOTM: No.
H: Please, check your exhaust port.
FMOTM: Over my dead body.
H: It's standard safety procedure, FFS.
FMOTM: Nobody touches my exhaust port. Besides, it's fine. Never been better. Everybody bleeds a little from there.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 325703

Lightning Rod?

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

Hello. Please explain the joke please. Thank you.

I can link to the German thesis addressing all its implications.

 

[fresh_42]

Speed limit of the week!

 

[Ibix]

Speed limit of the week!

View attachment 325707

It's ok, the police don't bother unless you're more than 5% above the limit, so you're good to $13\frac 18\mathrm{mph}$.

 

[fresh_42]

It's ok, the police don't bother unless you're more than 5% above the limit, so you're good to $13\frac 18\mathrm{mph}$.

I guess they had a new delivery of speed cams and found ...

Spoiler

... at the bottom side.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 325000

I had assumed this was Photoshop until I saw a coyote silhouette sticker on a dent in real life the other day.

 

[Ibix]

I guess they had a new delivery of speed cams and found ...

Spoiler

View attachment 325711

... at the bottom side.

Is Switzerland a nice country to live in?

I dunno, but the flag is a big plus.