Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[256bits]

A kind of stale one:
Everyone talks about Newton's Law, but Cole's law is more important.
What's Cole's Law?
Thinly-sliced cabbage

Apologies , my phone doesn't give me the option of hiding text

As always the one who did the most work gets no attention.
Slaw is not even mentioned in the testbooks.
( I have added the half explanation just in case someone does not get your joke and appreciate it to the full extent to which it deserves )

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 325971

According to QI, ptarmigan is spelt that way in English because it was incorrectly assumed to be Greek so a silent-in-English P was added at the beginning, similar to words like pterodactyl. But it's Scots Gaelic (tàmachan, IIRC) and never had a p that we could choose not to say.

 

[fresh_42]

And here is our brand-new one-way-hammer:

 

[fresh_42]

According to QI, ptarmigan is spelt that way in English because it was incorrectly assumed to be Greek so a silent-in-English P was added at the beginning, similar to words like pterodactyl. But it's Scots Gaelic (tàmachan, IIRC) and never had a p that we could choose not to say.

And you say that Germans were complicated. We call them snowchickens.

 

[jack action]

And you say that Germans were complicated. We call them snowchickens.

Yeah, Germans are not complicated. To name something, they just state the definition of it and remove all spaces: Bam! You have a new word!

 

[WWGD]

My friend has a son called Eitan, who happens to be Eitan a half years old.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 325960

Ah, the lady from the coffee shop!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

Inspired by @DennisN's recent purchases...

I bought a camouflage jacket the other day, and now I can't find it.

Also, this photo:
http://photonshouse.com/photo/a2/a2dc9bc8436a92f7defc030734096572.jpg

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

Inspired by @DennisN's recent purchases...

I bought a camouflage jacket the other day, and now I can't find it.

Also, this photo:
http://photonshouse.com/photo/a2/a2dc9bc8436a92f7defc030734096572.jpg

Some more:

 

[DrGreg]

I bought a camouflage jacket the other day, and now I can't find it.

A similar joke:

My friend needed to change his identity so I lent him money for plastic surgery.

Now I can't get my money back because I don't know what he looks like.

 

[Swamp Thing]

(image)

Interesting that the next human's pronoun is "it".

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Good advice!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

Where do elephants go, when they need to find a dentist?

Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

 

[fresh_42]

Where do elephants go, when they need to find a dentist?

Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Here is one of the same ouch level:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[collinsmark]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

- I love Eminem.

- I prefer Skittles.

- No, not the candy, the rapper.

- Why would I eat the wrapper??

 

[jack action]

 

[jrmichler]

"With the right power, I could plane a kitchen table" - from an old ad for Mercury outboard motors.

I remember that ad - which dates me.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

Dr Kevorkian, an accomplished pianist, put out an album shortly before dying:

" Dr Jack Kevorkian: Unplugged".

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 326264

Closer to the center of the earth, thus more gravitational attraction.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 326276

Sader than this is that it works.

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 326264

Maybe they use AI to identify the craters so as to steer towards them.

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 326276

Was that Yogi Berra's retirement gig?

 

[phinds]

Hotel Clerk to photon who is checking in: Any luggage, sir?
Photon: Nope, I'm traveling light.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

Sader than this is that it works.

How do you mean " it works"? It's just circular

 

[fresh_42]

How do you mean " it works"? It's just circular

I meant that people consider this a valid argument. It works as an ad. They actually think that this store has "all" in stock. Of course, it's circular, but who notices, and more importantly, who does not?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

When you're cool and you shave your head, everyone says: " Hey man, cool haircut". When I shaved mine, they asked " How's the chemo(therapy) going? What did the doctors say?"