Collection of Lame Jokes

[dextercioby]

Somewhere in a parallel universe...

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 326403

Why are there two pairs of spike heeled shoes on the floor in the first cartoon?

Edit: Never mind, I just got it

 

[KingGambit]

View attachment 326523

I've read somewhere before, quote like this.

"I'm not at the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian"

 

[BillTre]

Follow me for more parenting tips.

 

[Grelbr42]

Re: wearing a mask while driving alone. I did that for a very specific and exact purpose. It was to live rent-free in people's heads.

Also, as long as I had to wear the mask to get into stores, it was easier to carry it on my face when driving from one store to another. Instead of pulling the stupid thing off, fighting with my hat and scarf, and losing it under the seat of the car, maybe forgetting it and having to go back to the car before going into the store, I just left it on.

And the looks from people who saw me driving with it were priceless.

 

[WWGD]

Weird exchange:
I have something in my ear
Well, it can't be Golda, she's been dead for a while.

 

[fresh_42]

Weird exchange:
I have something in my ear
Well, it can't be Golda, she's been dead for a while.

Ouch!

Just saw two documentaries about David (an interview, long lost in the Spielberg archives) and then about Golda last night. Strange, this coincidence, isn't it? I didn't know she was born in Ukraine.

 

[WWGD]

Ouch!

Just saw two documentaries about David (an interview, long lost in the Spielberg archives) and then about Golda last night. Strange, this coincidence, isn't it? I didn't know she was born in Ukraine.

That's music to Meir.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 326611

That would be darn cold! Around 70°N! OTOH, currently 57°F / 14°C.

 

[nsaspook]

If they're in Las Vegas.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 326620
If they're in Las Vegas.

...wait, that's Barad-dûr...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 326611

 

[pinball1970]

...wait, that's Barad-dûr...

Just checked, it is! They have a Barad-dur in Vegas!?

 

[Ibix]

Just checked, it is! They have a Barad-dur in Vegas!?

The fact that it isn't hidden behind mountains suggests the vantage point is inside Mordor, so... maybe? Love of money being the root of all evil and all that?

 

[dextercioby]

 

[nsaspook]

Just checked, it is! They have a Barad-dur in Vegas!?

That was an old picture. Barad-dur was imploded and is being replaced with the sphere.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 326627

Isn't that how you hatch a cockatrice...?

 

[phinds]

Just ordered a book called “The World’s Longest Rivers.”

It’s being delivered by Amazon.

 

[Grelbr42]

[what flat Earthers see]
If they're in Las Vegas.

Or possibly if they are in Shenzhen, China. There is a theme park there called Window of the World. They have miniatures of many world landmarks. The park is dominated by a scale model of the Eiffel Tower. (I think it is about 1/5 the size of the real one.) There are also many other landmarks reproduced in miniature. For suitable values of "miniature" from table-top diorama up to about 1/3 scale.

Here are just a few.

Possibly the most ironic one is, a miniature of the Great Wall of China. Roughly waist high.

It's sort of a "not great but still pretty good" wall.

 

[BvU]

It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic ...

 

[berkeman]

From my Facebook feed today:

 

[Swamp Thing]

“You lose your phone again, Rusty?”

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 326690​

https://loadingartist.com/comic/over-his-head/

 

[phinds]

Most reptiles make very little, if any, vocal noise. For example, snakes and lizards just hiss and even that only rarely. There are, however, two species of reptile that are capable of loud vocalizations: alligators and congressmen.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

Most reptiles make very little, if any vocal noise. For example, snakes and lizards just hiss and even that only rarely. There are, however, two species of reptile that are capable of loud vocalizations: alligators and congressmen.

According to Rich Hall, alligators can be very litigious, particularly if they think you're wearing boots made out of a relative. It's where we get the word "allegation" from.

 

[gmax137]

Who as it that said, "I deny the allegations, and cast aspersions upon the alligators!"

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 326611

Winner gets a Lapp dance.

 

[WWGD]

Had to correct my friend . I told him to put a potato in his bathing suit at the beach to help him impress women. But In the front, not in the back, as he did last time.

 

[fresh_42]

Education is good, but beer is gooder.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

Education is good, but beer is gooder.

A guy at work emailed our "techies and other nerds" mailing list one Friday afternoon with "Brain not work no more. Beer make brain work good. 4.30 <local pub>."

 

[Ibix]

"My ex-wife and I agreed that whoever got the most assets from our divorce would also get the kids. So my lawyer's raising my son now..."