Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
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Physics news on Phys.org
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  • #16,003
ohwilleke said:
I was a theoretical golfer. I read golf books but couldn't be bothered to play the game.
 
  • #16,004
kuruman said:
Screen shot excerpt from an online questionnaire I was required to fill out for jury duty. Trick question?

View attachment 324813
Many people can read but not write.
 
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Screenshot 2023-07-18 at 12.00.00 PM.png
 
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  • #16,006
BillTre said:
I've just finished writing an "it's been six weeks, where is my refund" email. That cheered me up - thanks!
 
  • #16,007
"How come you get sick only on workdays?"

"I have a weekend immune system."
 
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  • #16,008
jtbell said:
"How come you get sick only on workdays?"
The same reason that Monday morning is the most common time to have a heart attack?
 
  • #16,009
Ivan Seeking said:
The same reason that Monday morning is the most common time to have a heart attack?
Is that true?
 
  • #16,010
berkeman said:
Is that true?
Yes. They occur most commonly in the morning, apparently due to blood chemistry changes through the night. But they also occur most often on Monday.
 
  • #16,011
berkeman said:
Is that true?
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informations...news/behind-the-headlines/heart-attack-monday
The researchers found there was a notable increase in the rate of STEMI heart attacks at the start of the working week, with rates highest on a Monday (a 13 per cent increase). They also saw higher than expected rates of STEMI on Sundays.

The exact reason behind this “Blue Monday” effect isn’t yet known. Past studies showing a greater likelihood of heart attacks at the start of the week have suggested a link with the body's circadian rhythm, which governs our sleep and wake cycles.
 
  • #16,012
Thank you @renormalize and @Ivan Seeking I did not know about this...

Published 9 June 2023

According to new research presented at the British Cardiovascular Society (BCS) conference in Manchester, serious heart attacks are more likely to occur on a Monday compared to other days of the week.

The study, by doctors from the Belfast Health and Social Care Trust and the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland, examined the records of 10,528 patients admitted to hospitals across the island of Ireland (including the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland).

These patients had been admitted between 2013 and 2018 for the most severe type of heart attack, known as an ST-segment elevation myocardial infarction (STEMI). This happens when a major coronary artery, which supplies blood to your heart, becomes completely blocked. Without emergency care, STEMIs can be fatal.

Each year in the UK, more than 30,000 people are admitted to hospital with a STEMI. They need immediate assessment and treatment to minimise damage to their hearts. This typically involves emergency angioplasty and stent(s), a procedure to reopen the blocked coronary artery and get blood flowing to the heart again.

The researchers found there was a notable increase in the rate of STEMI heart attacks at the start of the working week, with rates highest on a Monday (a 13 per cent increase). They also saw higher than expected rates of STEMI on Sundays.

The exact reason behind this “Blue Monday” effect isn’t yet known. Past studies showing a greater likelihood of heart attacks at the start of the week have suggested a link with the body's circadian rhythm, which governs our sleep and wake cycles.
 
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  • #16,013
Ivan Seeking said:
Yes. They occur most commonly in the morning, apparently due to blood chemistry changes through the night. But they also occur most often on Monday.
Jeez ... hell of a way to get out of going to work that week.
 
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phinds said:
Jeez ... hell of a way to get out of going to work that week.
I can imagine some people saying "Thank God. No more Mondays ever!"
 
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I've always thought that was true because I thought that I had read it years ago.
 
  • #16,017
Screenshot 2023-07-18 at 7.45.04 PM.png


That's Mr. Ed, the talking horse.
 
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  • #16,019
A horse is a horse, of course of course
mumble mumble mumble mumble
mumble mumble mumble mumble
is the famous Mister Ed !
 
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  • #16,020
hmmm27 said:
A horse is a horse, of course of course
mumble mumble mumble mumble
mumble mumble mumble mumble
is the famous Mister Ed !
A host is a host from coast to coast
and no one will talk to the host that's close.
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead.

[Attributed to David Lesher, circa 1986]
 
  • #16,021
jbriggs444 said:
is busy, hung or dead.
..., also, "crippled, crashed, or...."
 
  • #16,022
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  • #16,023
How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Exactly how it sounds.

(That might be on here somewhere, already.)

-Dan
 
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  • #16,024
"Hello, this is Gino's Pizzeria. Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like one 16-inch super supreme, please."

"OK, one 16-inch super supreme. Would you like that delivered?"

"Yes, please. I hate liver."
 
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  • #16,025
Screenshot_20230718_172045_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #16,026
topsquark said:
How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Exactly how it sounds.

(That might be on here somewhere, already.)

-Dan
Part of some fixed point theorem ;).
 
  • #16,027
Saw this ad, wondered what the issue was with the lady in pink, second from the right. I guess simething like
Screenshot_20230719_135246_Samsung Internet.jpg
" I'm the director's wife/daughter , and I can't be bothered"
 
  • #16,028
Ibix said:
Scientists have recently turned back time. Turns out you get "emit".

(Respect to Colin Mochrie)
Why? You're making a Mochrie of Colin/Niloc ;).
 
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topsquark said:
How do you spell onomatopoeia?
onomatopoeia
 
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  • #16,032
I'm gonna onomatopeia on my pants.
 
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WWGD said:
I'm gonna onomatopeia on my pants.
No! On a mat, please.
 
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  • #16,037
Woodworkers joke:
1689864839143.png
 
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Screenshot 2023-07-20 at 9.02.28 AM.png
 
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Screenshot 2023-07-20 at 7.42.20 AM.png
 
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  • #16,040
BillTre said:
I saw that some company, I think in Japan, has designed a toilet for the workplace that is tilted forward so you naturally want to slide off going forward. If you sit for more than about five minutes you start feeling leg strain. The idea is to make it too uncomfortable to sit longer than needed.
 
  • #16,041
I saw there is a special on CNN about the history of black TV.

I emailed to let them know it was called black and white TV.
 
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From FB today, LOL. :smile:

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  • #16,043
Was hesitating between posting this here or in "Today I learned":

tire-light.jpg
 
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  • #16,044
Say no to drugs.

Well, if you are talking to drugs, it's probably already too late.
 
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  • #16,046
jack action said:
Was hesitating between posting this here or in "Today I learned":

Many years ago I made a setup like that to test my idea for a sprinkler head that could cut your grass. I was using air to pressurize a pipe filled with water, to supply the head for testing.

The people at the hardware store thought I was making bombs. :biggrin:
 
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