Collection of Lame Jokes

WWGD · May 14, 2021

Ibix · May 14, 2021

Vanadium 50 said:

If great headlines are what you are after, one cannot do better than this:

View attachment 282937

"Vietcong push bottles up US Marines" is quite a famous one.

Vanadium 50 · May 14, 2021

Is it real? Headless Bodies is. April 14, 1983. Vinnie Musetto was the headline writer. Here's his obituary.

Ibix · May 14, 2021

Vanadium 50 said:

Is it real? Headless Bodies is. April 14, 1983. Vinnie Musetto was the headline writer. Here's his obituary.

It was presented to me as real by an English teacher teaching us about ambiguous phrasing, but web searches don't turn up anything, not even Snopes. Maybe I was misled...

fresh_42 · May 14, 2021

Ibix said:

It was presented to me as real by an English teacher teaching us about ambiguous phrasing, but web searches don't turn up anything, not even Snopes. Maybe I was misled...

We have had a similar headline here. But I am not sure whether it is true, or just an urban legend, or what someone once said to me as I told him an anecdote: "I don't think it is true. But the point is, it well could be true." The headline was: "Murder! BILD spoke at first with the dead!"

BILD is the German equivalent to THE SUN.

mjc123 · May 14, 2021

Ibix said:

"Vietcong push bottles up US Marines" is quite a famous one.

"British push bottles up Germans" dates back to WW2.

davenn · May 14, 2021

for Star Trek fans ...

mfb · May 14, 2021

A headline discussion without "One to three for Fife's Hicks; Sven ate nine tench."? Impossible.

Caveat: No one seems to know the exact date this was published, and there is also a "One tooth free for Fife's Hicks; Sven ate nine tench." version.

jack action · May 15, 2021

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared to handle the Reaper cushions.

jtbell · May 15, 2021

If the University of Alberta has a math competition team, they should call themselves the Edmonton Eulers.

DennisN · May 16, 2021

The secret of curing procrastination is...

...procrastination. Procrastinate your procrastination, and you are home free.

phinds · May 16, 2021

I've been planning for a long time now to do something about my procrastination, but I keep putting it off.

DennisN · May 16, 2021

phinds said:

I've been planning for a long time now to do something about my procrastination, but I keep putting it off.

Hang in there. If you wait long enough, maybe it will just solve itself somehow.

phinds · May 16, 2021

DennisN said:

Hang in there. If you wait long enough, maybe it will just solve itself somehow.

That's my plan, actually.

phinds · May 18, 2021

T-shirt slogans:

Explosives are awesome; fingers are overrated
Hedgehogs - why don't they just share the hedge?
Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Free Tibet ! (With another Tibet of equal or greater value)
Voted "most likely to travel back in time", class of 2057
Most likely to secede, class of 1825
Practice safe lunch, use a condiment
Rock is dead - paper killed it
If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! (and spiders)

fresh_42 · May 18, 2021

phinds said:

T-shirt slogans:

Explosives are awesome; fingers are overrated
Hedgehogs - why don't they just share the hedge?
Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Free Tibet ! (With another Tibet of equal or greater value)
Voted "most likely to travel back in time", class of 2057
Most likely to secede, class of 1825
Practice safe lunch, use a condiment
Rock is dead - paper killed it
If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! (and spiders)

Be careful with Free Tibet! We used to say "Free Greenland! Away with the ice!" as kids. Now see, where it led us!