Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

If great headlines are what you are after, one cannot do better than this:

View attachment 282937

"Vietcong push bottles up US Marines" is quite a famous one.

 

[Vanadium 50]

Is it real? Headless Bodies is. April 14, 1983. Vinnie Musetto was the headline writer. Here's his obituary.

 

[Ibix]

Is it real? Headless Bodies is. April 14, 1983. Vinnie Musetto was the headline writer. Here's his obituary.

It was presented to me as real by an English teacher teaching us about ambiguous phrasing, but web searches don't turn up anything, not even Snopes. Maybe I was misled...

 

[fresh_42]

It was presented to me as real by an English teacher teaching us about ambiguous phrasing, but web searches don't turn up anything, not even Snopes. Maybe I was misled...

We have had a similar headline here. But I am not sure whether it is true, or just an urban legend, or what someone once said to me as I told him an anecdote: "I don't think it is true. But the point is, it well could be true." The headline was: "Murder! BILD spoke at first with the dead!"

BILD is the German equivalent to THE SUN.

 

[mjc123]

"Vietcong push bottles up US Marines" is quite a famous one.

"British push bottles up Germans" dates back to WW2.

 

[davenn]

for Star Trek fans ...

 

[mfb]

A headline discussion without "One to three for Fife's Hicks; Sven ate nine tench."? Impossible.

Caveat: No one seems to know the exact date this was published, and there is also a "One tooth free for Fife's Hicks; Sven ate nine tench." version.

 

[jack action]

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared to handle the Reaper cushions.

 

[jtbell]

If the University of Alberta has a math competition team, they should call themselves the Edmonton Eulers.

 

[DennisN]

The secret of curing procrastination is...

...procrastination. Procrastinate your procrastination, and you are home free.

 

[phinds]

I've been planning for a long time now to do something about my procrastination, but I keep putting it off.

 

[DennisN]

I've been planning for a long time now to do something about my procrastination, but I keep putting it off.

Hang in there. If you wait long enough, maybe it will just solve itself somehow.

 

[phinds]

Hang in there. If you wait long enough, maybe it will just solve itself somehow.

That's my plan, actually.

 

[phinds]

T-shirt slogans:

Explosives are awesome; fingers are overrated
Hedgehogs - why don't they just share the hedge?
Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Free Tibet ! (With another Tibet of equal or greater value)
Voted "most likely to travel back in time", class of 2057
Most likely to secede, class of 1825
Practice safe lunch, use a condiment
Rock is dead - paper killed it
If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! (and spiders)

 

[fresh_42]

T-shirt slogans:

Explosives are awesome; fingers are overrated
Hedgehogs - why don't they just share the hedge?
Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Free Tibet ! (With another Tibet of equal or greater value)
Voted "most likely to travel back in time", class of 2057
Most likely to secede, class of 1825
Practice safe lunch, use a condiment
Rock is dead - paper killed it
If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! (and spiders)

Be careful with Free Tibet! We used to say "Free Greenland! Away with the ice!" as kids. Now see, where it led us!

 

[jack action]

I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone five times.

Apparently, I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

Snow shovel designed by my wife for me:

 

[phinds]

Obviously no one has ever explained to this guy about dereticulating the framis:

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[DrClaude]

Snow shovel designed by my wife for me:

View attachment 283304

There is a parachute add-on for removing snow from the roof.

 

[jack action]

Obviously no one has ever explained to this guy about dereticulating the framis:
View attachment 283305

This reminds me of an ad that runs here where I live, right now:

​

There is also the french version, which I think is even funnier (for those who understand french, and like a challenge):

​

 

[jack action]

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it never tried to contact us.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]