Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 336216

My mother-in-law used to ask for honeymoon salad. When asked, she'd say, "Lettuce alone."

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Borg]

In Bayesian, it's garbage + garbage = more reliable garbage.

 

[phinds]

View attachment 336609

reminds me of the time 3 brewery reps went drinking together. The guy representing Schlitz ordered a Schlitz and the guy representing Budweiser ordered a Bud and the guy representing Heineken order a coke. Hey, said the Bud rep, how come you ordered a coke? Well, said the Heineken rep, since you guys didn't order beer I figured I wouldn't either.

 

[fresh_42]

reminds me of the time 3 brewery reps went drinking together. The guy representing Schlitz ordered a Schlitz and the guy representing Budweiser ordered a Bud and the guy representing Heineken order a coke. Hey, said the Bud rep, how come you ordered a coke? Well, said the Heineken rep, since you guys didn't order beer I figured I wouldn't either.

Especially this time of the year, they brew a kind of beer with up to 12% vol. (usually 5% vol.)
However, although you can buy cans here, too, it should look like this:

 

[renormalize]

My mother-in-law used to ask for honeymoon salad. When asked, she'd say, "Lettuce alone."

I always thought that honeymoon salad was defined as "Lettuce alone without dressing".

 

[davenn]

They scoffed when I said, "One day I'll learn the secret of invisibility."
If only they could see me now.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

I can identify with this one:

 

[Arjan82]

reminds me of the time 3 brewery reps went drinking together. The guy representing Schlitz ordered a Schlitz and the guy representing Budweiser ordered a Bud and the guy representing Heineken order a coke. Hey, said the Bud rep, how come you ordered a coke? Well, said the Heineken rep, since you guys didn't order beer I figured I wouldn't either.

Fun fact: In The Netherlands, where Heineken originated from, this beer is considered cheap. This is a common cartoon in The Netherlands (kinda need to censor it I think):

Spoiler: Censor

Grolsch Heineken cartoon

 

[fresh_42]

Fun fact: In The Netherlands, where Heineken originated from, this beer is considered cheap. This is a common cartoon in The Netherlands (kinda need to censor it I think):

Spoiler: Censor

Grolsch Heineken cartoon

I didn't dare to mention it.

I don't agree with §10 (warm and flat), but he is right with §12:
https://www.math.fsu.edu/~wxm/cleese.html
(Note that fsu is Florida State.)

 

[DennisN]

reminds me of the time 3 brewery reps went drinking together. The guy representing Schlitz ordered a Schlitz and the guy representing Budweiser ordered a Bud and the guy representing Heineken order a coke. Hey, said the Bud rep, how come you ordered a coke? Well, said the Heineken rep, since you guys didn't order beer I figured I wouldn't either

Budweiser and Schlitz should be reported to and analyzed by the National Institutes of Health.
I have a strong suspicion those beverages constitute homeopathic beer.

 

[phinds]

 

[jrmichler]

View attachment 336609

We had a friend who grew up in East Germany and came over after the wall came down. We offered him a beer. He was hesitant, but was willing to try a can of Coors. His comment: "A German would drink this beer".

 

[fresh_42]

We had a friend who grew up in East Germany and came over after the wall came down. We offered him a beer. He was hesitant, but was willing to try a can of Coors. His comment: "A German would drink this beer".

Reminds me of what a Russian once said to me as he saw me drinking a Russian beer, which was good by the way: "Tastes good, but it takes too long."

 

[JT Smith]

reminds me of the time 3 brewery reps went drinking together. The guy representing Schlitz ordered a Schlitz and the guy representing Budweiser ordered a Bud and the guy representing Heineken order a coke. Hey, said the Bud rep, how come you ordered a coke? Well, said the Heineken rep, since you guys didn't order beer I figured I wouldn't either.

I'm no fan of Bud (or Schlitz) but Heinekin? Seriously? You could reverse the brand names and the joke would still work equally as poorly.

 

[fresh_42]

I'm no fan of Bud (or Schlitz) but Heinekin? Seriously? You could reverse the brand names and the joke would still work equally as poorly.

Guinness would have been a good and somehow neutral and internationally known choice.

 

[nsaspook]

View attachment 336535

https://www.aarp.org/entertainment/music/info-2023/the-rolling-stones-hackney-diamonds-tour.html

Early Access to Rolling Stones U.S. Tour Tickets Now Available for AARP Members​

 

[jack action]

 

[JT Smith]

Guinness would have been a good and somehow neutral and internationally known choice.

I think Guinness is in the same category. Guinness is well made for what it is, same as Bud and Heinekin. They are all expertly made, mass produced, consistent, unexceptional, bland products of ginormous multinational corporations.

 

[Bystander]

View attachment 336524

View attachment 335072

 

[Bystander]

I think Guinness is in the same category. Guinness is well made for what it is, same as Bud and Heinekin. They are all expertly made, mass produced, consistent, unexceptional, bland products of ginormous multinational corporations.

(Tooth)Sheaf...Guinness tastes like Coca Cola; you want stout? Sheaf IS sttooouuuuttttt.

 

[phinds]

 

[berkeman]

From Facebook today...

 

[phinds]

 

[nuuskur]

couldn't help but chuckle..

 

[gmax137]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 336701

I don't know either, but if the Antarctic is on the opposite side of the world from the Arctic then Antenna is presumably on the opposite side of the world from Enna.

 

[DaveC426913]

One of the more cleverer XKCDs I've seen in a while.

Rollover text: And over heeee[...]eeeere (i)s Saturn.

 

[Charles Link]

Let's try out a riddle and see if anyone solves it: "What type of fish does a bird like to sit on? "

 

[topsquark]

Let's try out a riddle and see if anyone solves it: "What type of fish does a bird like to sit on? "

Spoiler: Maybe?

A perch?

What kind of bird do you go to when you want to find Aquaman?

-Dan

 

[Charles Link]

Spoiler: Maybe?

A perch?

What kind of bird do you go to when you want to find Aquaman?

-Dan

Very good. A+ :)

 

[Charles Link]

What kind of bird do you go to when you want to find Aquaman?
It's probably not correct, but I'll try a seagull.

 

[topsquark]

What kind of bird do you go to when you want to find Aquaman?
It's probably not correct, but I'll try a seagull.

Oooh! Not what I was thinking of, but a good answer.

-Dan

 

[Charles Link]

Let's try out a riddle and see if anyone solves it: "What type of fish does a bird like to sit on? "

I'll post the answer, but @topsquark got it correct. a "perch". It really makes for a good clean riddle, especially among people who you first meet=I find it to be a good one. :)

 

[fresh_42]

I have questions.

 

[gmax137]

Let's try out a riddle and see if anyone solves it: "What type of fish does a bird like to sit on? "

The way I heard that one was:
"Two birds sitting on a perch. The first bird asks the other, 'Do you smell fish?'"

 

[topsquark]

What kind of bird do you go to when you want to find Aquaman?

-Dan

Spoiler: Solution

A kingfisher.

-Dan

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

I have questions.View attachment 336721

I call Photoshop

 

[fresh_42]

I call Photoshop

Probably, but funny.

 

[phinds]

Probably, but funny.

Agree.

 

[sbrothy]

"you can try to outrun thermodynamics but you'll just die warm."