Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 337083

"Your religion is quackers!"
"Well yours makes me hopping mad!"

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

I posted that one some time back, but it's still a good one.

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 337093

The one time I feel bad for the Lego.

-Dan

 

[nsaspook]

 

[davenn]

 

[Borg]

Like they said at my school, "Watch out where the huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow". Words to live by.

 

[jtbell]

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me four calling birds...

...who are now running up huge phone bills on my account.

 

[phinds]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[JT Smith]

View attachment 337172

What is that?

 

[phinds]

What is that?

old time blackboard eraser

 

[Ibix]

What is that?

old time blackboard eraser

... sometimes used as a projectile weapon by angry schoolmasters, back before Health & Safety was a thing.

 

[phinds]

... sometimes used as a projectile weapon by angry schoolmasters, back before Health & Safety was a thing.

Also tossed among the students (as a weaponized projectile) if the teacher left the room.

 

[topsquark]

What is that?

Now I feel old!

-Dan

 

[davenn]

What is that?

Now I feel old!

-Dan

LOL yup,

Youngin's these days, will never know the thrill of a duster whizzing by their ear and
banging into the wall behind ya
Mr Riddell was the teacher classic for that in standard 5, roughly year 5. i would have
been 10 or 11 yrs old

 

[JT Smith]

I remember blackboard erasers but the ones in my school days were black.

That photo above looked like it could be larger. A bench? Or maybe a kitchen scrubber.Are blackboards gone from public schools?

 

[davenn]

That photo above looked like it could be larger. A bench? Or maybe a kitchen scrubber.

naaa fitted into the hand nicely.

Are blackboards gone from public schools?

Dunno, havent been into a classroom since doing my geology degree in the 1990's

I would assume many/most have changed to whiteboards these days

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

naaa fitted into the hand nicely.
Dunno, havent been into a classroom since doing my geology degree in the 1990's

I would assume many/most have changed to whiteboards these days

Wow, somehow I ran into yet another one with erasers

 

[WWGD]

Bear Grylls:

 

[davenn]

1. • A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
   • 
     
   • She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
   • 
     
   • The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
   • 
     
   • The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out.
   • 
     
   • The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
   • 
     
   • The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
   • 
     
   • An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
   • 
     
   • Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
   • 
     
   • The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
   • 
     
   • The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?

 

[davenn]

I have more Questions .....

 

[256bits]

I have more Questions .....

View attachment 337189

Concrete Mix - why take it out of the bag - just extra work.

 

[BillTre]

Concrete Mix - why take it out of the bag - just extra work.

Saves making a form.

 

[Tom.G]

Well obviously, it is a concrete block wall with paper grouting.
https://www.physicsforums.com/attachments/1702522652259-png.337189/

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 337177

"Let's eat, Grandma!"

"With ketchup, mustard or mayo?"

 

[Ibix]

"Let's eat, Grandma!"

"With ketchup, mustard or mayo?"

I have a copy of "Eats, shoots, and leaves" somewhere, which is a book about the importance of punctuation. The title is from a joke about a panda shooting up a restaurant after reading an article about panda diet that had commas it shouldn't have.

 

[WWGD]

I have a copy of "Eats, shoots, and leaves" somewhere, which is a book about the importance of punctuation. The title is from a joke about a panda shooting up a restaurant after reading an article about panda diet that had commas it shouldn't have.

I guess " explosive sniffing dogs" is another example. I hope to never see a sniffing dog explode.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

"Eats, shoots, and leaves"

I remember that title, although I've never seen the book. I didn't remember the specific joke, so I made up one about a koala that plays basketball.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

I have a copy of "Eats, shoots, and leaves" somewhere, which is a book about the importance of punctuation. The title is from a joke about a panda shooting up a restaurant after reading an article about panda diet that had commas it shouldn't have.

In Swedish it is very common to make new words by concatenation. There is basically a religion for complaining when people don’t do it correctly. For example ”mörk hårig sjuk sköterska” instead of ”mörkhårig sjuksköterska”. (”Dark hairy sick caretaker” instead of ”dark-haired nurse”)

 

[WWGD]

In Swedish it is very common to make new words by concatenation. There is basically a religion for complaining when people don’t do it correctly. For example ”mörk hårig sjuk sköterska” instead of ”mörkhårig sjuksköterska”. (”Dark hairy sick caretaker” instead of ”dark-haired nurse”)

How do you Tex-in the Umlaut and the degree( for lack of better terms)?

 

[jack action]

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again. It's all fun and games until someone loses an i.

 

[Orodruin]

How do you Tex-in the Umlaut and the degree( for lack of better terms)?

Correct encoding and using the åäö buttons on the keyboard. If not a LaTeX umlaut is \” and å is \aa.

 

[Ibix]

Correct encoding and using the åäö buttons on the keyboard. If not a LaTeX umlaut is \” and å is \aa.

Or, if all else fails, google "a with circle over it" and cut and paste.

 

[jrmichler]

My new snowblower causes cancer in California:

And then compare to my first snowblower: pre-EPA, leaded fuel, and oil burning.

 

[Swamp Thing]

I have more Questions .....

View attachment 337189

I remember seeing solidified cement bags near former construction sites that were apparently exposed to rain by mistake and then discarded. Maybe these people just decided to use these rain cured bags rather than let them go to waste?

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 337195

What an abominable thing to do!

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]