Collection of Lame Jokes

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Definitely not lame, one of the most brilliant bits of comedy ever (have to watch the whole clip), RIP

 
BWV said:
Definitely not lame, one of the most brilliant bits of comedy ever (have to watch the whole clip), RIP


I remember his joke (which I haven't been able to find) on Salman Rushdie. Rushdie had recently come out of hiding from a Fatwa put on him. Norm mentioned:
Salman Rushdie has recently come out of hiding. He has written a new book: "Buddha, you fat Bastard!"
 
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I can lick my weight in tigers. I weigh about 1/3 of a tiger. Give me the third of the tiger between the teeth and the claws, and I should do alright
 
phinds said:
Why is the men's bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.
I would say that you got that right but...
 
I contacted my creditors to inform them that I am now a country and I'm raising my debt limit.
phinds said:
Why is the men's bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.
Obviously that false propaganda was perpetuated by a woman. In fact I believe most of the time the men's room is on the right side.

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My doctor's Freudian slip.
Yes, you're one of my favorite experim... , er, I mean, patient. Yes, patient.
 
WWGD said:
My doctor's Freudian slip.
Yes, you're one of my favorite experim... , er, I mean, patient. Yes, patient.
An old friend of mine hadn't been to the doctor in many years. Finally his wife convinced him to get a full workup. He went in for basic tests and went back when they had the results.

The doctor walked in while studying the test results. He looked up and saw my friend. "Mr Johnson?" the doctor inquired. "I'm surprised to see you here! Based on your test results I thought you were dead".

True story.
 
Ivan Seeking said:
An old friend of mine hadn't been to the doctor in many years. Finally his wife convinced him to get a full workup. He went in for basic tests and went back when they had the results.

The doctor walked in while studying the test results. He looked up and saw my friend. "Mr Johnson?" the doctor inquired. "I'm surprised to see you here! Based on your test results I thought you were dead".

True story.
I've heard of a similar with logicians: " You can't be here, I proved you don't exist."
 

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