Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #17,801
What do you get when a herd of cattle falls from outer space?

Meatier meteors.
 
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  • #17,802
I may have told this one before.
Mom and I went to a restaurant. Service was horrible throughout. After the meal, we just stood, headed to the door, leaving no tip. Waiter stops us on the way out. Tells mom: " Ma'am, service is not included ". Mom replies " Yes, I can tell". And we just walked out.
 
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  • #17,803
Screenshot_20231225_015814_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #17,804
Screenshot_20231225_015944_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,806
Orodruin said:
My daughters are apparently born in 121 and 123 …
Yes, both great years to be born ;).
I guess it assumes you were born on the 20th century.
 
  • #17,807
WWGD said:
Yes, both great years to be born ;).
I guess it assumes you were born on the 20th century.
...and that nobody's going to try this after Sunday.
 
  • #17,808
1703664841207.png
 
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  • #17,809
Ibix said:
...and that nobody's going to try this after Sunday.
Indeed, it is basically subtract your age from 123.
 
  • #17,810
jtbell said:
What do you get when a herd of cattle falls from outer space?

Meatier meteors.
the cows missed the moooo...n shot!
 
  • #17,812
jack action said:
It was off by 1900 years!
Hey, lighting was poor and I was tired when I saw it.
 
  • #17,813
jack action said:
It was off by 1900 years!
The way to fix that problem? Drink a lot more beers!

-Dan
 
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  • #17,814
1703685410847.png
 
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  • #17,815
Chuckie, a few years later
Screenshot_20231225_020256_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #17,816
Screenshot_20231225_015355_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,817
Screenshot_20231225_012049_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,818
You know you've had a bad flight when your destination was Chicago, but you're now in Memphis and your luggage is in Scottsboro, Alabama.
 
  • #17,819
FB_IMG_1703698231373.jpg
 
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  • #17,820
@WWGD I have noticed starting recently that your posted images are "dark" like seen through sunglasses. Like there's a semi-transparent grey layer on top of the image. Is it just me?
 
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  • #17,821
gmax137 said:
@WWGD I have noticed starting recently that your posted images are "dark" like seen through sunglasses. Like there's a semi-transparent grey layer on top of the image. Is it just me?
WWGD's posts can be pretty racey. Your Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses are kicking in to protect your tender sensibilities. See if you can find the manual override.
 
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  • #17,822
Maybe because I changed out of these:
X-Ray_Spex.jpg
 
  • #17,823
gmax137 said:
@WWGD I have noticed starting recently that your posted images are "dark" like seen through sunglasses. Like there's a semi-transparent grey layer on top of the image. Is it just me?
Nothing I'm aware of.
 
  • #17,824
WWGD said:
Nothing I'm aware of.
1703715248203.png
 
  • #17,825
  • #17,826
WWGD said:
I meant, I'm not aware of making/ Having made, any changes.
Well, SOMETHING is going on and it would be nice if you could locate it and do something about it. Don't the images look overly dark to you?

Here's an example of an image you posted and how I cleaned it up to post on Wood Barter

1703716974499.png
 
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  • #17,827
Well I'm just glad to.know I'm not seeing things!
 
  • #17,828
Maybe this one will be different
Screenshot_20231225_015543_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,829
I suspect I may have saved the pics after 10p.m , when the dark settings set in automatically.
 
  • #17,830
WWGD said:
Maybe this one will be different
NOPE:
1703719866012.png
 
  • #17,831
WWGD said:
I suspect I may have saved the pics after 10p.m , when the dark settings set in automatically.
Well DON'T DO THAT ! :oldlaugh:
 
  • #17,832
WWGD said:
I suspect I may have saved the pics after 10p.m , when the dark settings set in automatically.
You need to work faster than the speed of light, in order to exceed the speed of dark.
 
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  • #17,833
WWGD said:
I suspect I may have saved the pics after 10p.m , when the dark settings set in automatically.
Not sure if you're serious but it doesn't work that way.

Screen darkening happens at a different rendering level than the image render. What you're suggesting is tantamount to 'the pic I took is dark because I took it while wearing sunglasses'. :wink:

My suspicion is that you are 'selecting' the image before right-clicking to copy, but I'm not sure that works either.
 
  • #17,834
DaveC426913 said:
Not sure if you're serious but it doesn't work that way.

Screen darkening happens at a different rendering level than the image render. What you're suggesting is tantamount to 'the pic I took is dark because I took it while wearing sunglasses'. :wink:

My suspicion is that you are 'selecting' the image before right-clicking to copy, but I'm not sure that works either.
Not quite serious. I just fited the first thing that came to my mind.
 
  • #17,835
An excess of Liquid Holiday Spirits ? 😆

If so, it'll eventually dry out.
 
  • #17,836
Ok, let me try copying an old image , see how it looks
Screenshot_20230810_161640_Samsung Internet.jpg


Does that look as dark as recent ones?
Or this one
main-qimg-80cbd812ad184c4ed190ce4991105fdd.jpeg

Do they seem as dark ?
 
  • #17,837
they look good to me, although the first one is just a tad dark but may have been that way in the first place.
 
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  • #17,838
The camels appear dark to me.
The strawberry one looks fine.
 
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  • #17,839
1703780673554.png
 
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  • #17,840
An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health, food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next, they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.

They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
 
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  • #17,841
1703861367748.png
 
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  • #17,842
hi-deaf.jpg
 
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  • #17,843
Theoretically, this COULD happen to one of us, someday, when we open the dryer.
1703874269249.png
 
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  • #17,845
Screenshot 2023-12-29 at 11.05.18 AM.png
 
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  • #17,846
I wonder how many husbands wished their wife would take up that career?
 
  • #17,847
A politician , in front of their Parliament/Congress*:
" Half of you here are idiots"
Others:
" Take that back!!"
PolitIcian:
" Ok, half of you are _not_ idiots".*Supposedly true story, don't remember which of the two it was.
 
  • #17,848
Screenshot_20231225_020046_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,850
WWGD said:

@WWGD, Your images are back to being dark/washed out again.

Out of curiosity, what is your workflow for posting an image? Are you taking a screenshot of each images and then uploading the screenshots to PF? It seems that something in this process is darkening the images.

If so, a possible solution is, rather than upload images to PF, simply upload the URL of the original image. This is easier to do anyway, if the image is already out there on the Internet somewhere.

  1. In your browser, don't copy the actual image that you want to post. Instead, just copy the "image link" or "image location" (the actual wording depends on your browser).
  2. In PF, when making a new post, click on the image icon, in the editing tab.
  3. In the imaging tab, click on the sub-tab that looks like a couple of circles linked together. If you hover your mouse over this sub-tab, it will say, "By URL".
  4. Then paste the image's URL in the field.
[Edit: my proposed solution may have problems if your images are behind a security wall; i.e., if your images are from a website not freely available to everyone. But if your images are from a website anybody can read, the above process should work fine.]
 
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