Collection of Lame Jokes

[256bits]

A politician , in front of their Parliament/Congress*:
" Half of you here are idiots"
Others:
" Take that back!!"
PolitIcian:
" Ok, half of you are _not_ idiots".
.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DaveC426913]

This is the opposite of lame. The nuances in this are so clever, I smiled just remembering it and had to (re)post.

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

In Harvard, even the owls are so educated, they say " whom" instead of "who".

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 337958

Details, please! Where is that? I try to avoid such places!

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 337958

"You may fire when ready."
That's what she said.)

 

[Baluncore]

Details, please! Where is that? I try to avoid such places!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...ing-Death-Star-ripe-avocado-Pokemon-ball.html

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 337970

1024×768? This joke is showing its age!

 

[dextercioby]

The lame factor has to come from somewhere, right?

 

[fresh_42]

Today is 01/01/24 and not as the Americans put it 01/01/24!

 

[fresh_42]

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

 

[fresh_42]

Not a good one, but a really "lame" one:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[256bits]

Not a good one, but a really "lame" one:

View attachment 337988

What does it mean then when I wear "dress pants?"

Just wondering....

 

[jtbell]

Today is 01/01/24 and not as the Americans put it 01/01/24!

I prefer 2024-01-01. Makes it easier to sort dates as text.

 

[BillTre]

I prefer 2024-01-01.

In descending size of time units?

 

[topsquark]

In descending size of time units?

63,872,582,400?

-Dan

 

[jbriggs444]

63,872,582,400?

Did you start counting one year prior to the beginning of the epoch?

 

[jtbell]

In descending size of time units?

Yep. Today is 2024-01-02. Leap Year Day is 2024-02-29.

 

[jtbell]

My only New Year's resolution is to abstain...

...from making New Year's resolutions.(Drat, I've broken it already.)

 

[DaveC426913]

I prefer 2024-01-01. Makes it easier to sort dates as text.

Even better: 02024-01-01.

We all remember the Y2K bug. I'm not getting caught with my pants down again.

 

[fresh_42]

Legend says its home to a quite ferocious beast with big pointy teeth!

 

[phinds]

 

[Borg]

Plus, you get that cool background music.

 

[topsquark]

Even better: 02024-01-01.

We all remember the Y2K bug. I'm not getting caught with my pants down again.

Personally, I'm not planning to be around for that one.

-Dan

 

[BvU]

Personally, I'm not planning to be around for that one.

-Dan

There's another one lurking before then ...

$\$

 

[nuuskur]

 

[Halc]

I prefer 2024-01-01

In descending size of time units?

Intel solved this problem by using little-endian protocol (10-10-4202)

Being a Unix/Linux guy, I've always mourned the standardization of the Intel architecture over say 68xxx, but by golly, the Intel guys got the endian thing right. I've tracked down countless bugs due to big-endian confusion.

Of course it doesn't help with trying to sort dates stored in text format since text sorting protocol is big indian, a bug with the dictionary people if you ask me.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

Those ultra-aggressive Canadian protesters

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

Intel solved this problem by using little-endian protocol (10-10-4202)

Three decades* in the industry and I have never encountered this!

*^{03 years}

 

[WWGD]

Three decades* in the industry and I have never encountered this!

*^{03 years}

No? one, little two, little 3 little endians?

 

[jtbell]

I've tracked down countless bugs due to big-endian confusion.

View attachment 338029

I wonder if computer people in Cleveland talk about big-Guardian versus little-Guardian.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Guardians

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

I wonder if computer people in Cleveland talk about big-Guardian versus little-Guardian.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Guardians

They only talk about it in selected British newspapers.

 

[WWGD]

I had a nearly perfect setup for a joke, but I froze. I actualli saw a rabbi and a nun walk together into a McDonald's. Not quite the rabbi and a priest, but pretty close. But I couldn't come up with anything clever. Sigh.

 

[fresh_42]

I had a nearly perfect setup for a joke, but I froze. I actualli saw a rabbi and a nun walk together into a McDonald's. Not quite the rabbi and a priest, but pretty close. But I couldn't come up with anything clever. Sigh.

I don't envy the rabbi. No bacon, no ice cream, and no milkshake, and most of all, he will never know how delicious Züricher Geschnetzeltes will be.

 

[DennisN]

1:

A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?"
"Yes, there was", answers the Grandpa and patted the grandson's head.
"Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?"
"Yes, absolutely", answered the Grandpa, and patted the grandson's other head.

2:

A Soviet newspaper reports: "Last night the Chernobyl Nuclear Power station fulfilled the Five Year Plan of heat energy generation... in 4 microseconds."
(A poke on common Soviet reports about speedy execution of five-year plans.)

3:

An Odesa Jew meets another one.
"Have you heard, Einstein has won the Nobel Prize?"
"Oy, what for?"
"He developed this relativity theory."
"Yeah, what's that?"
"Well, you know, five hairs on your head is relatively few. Five hairs in your soup is relatively many."

 

[fresh_42]

Reminds me of Radio Yerevan jokes.

"Is it right that the great hero of the Soviet Union Yuri Gagarin received a Mercedes as a reward?"

"In principle, yes! But it wasn't Yuri Gagarin, it was Pavel Odelnov and he didn't receive a Mercedes, it was a bicycle. Unfortunately, it wasn't given to him, it has been stolen."

 

[fresh_42]

Another one:

"Is it possible to be a good socialist and a good catholic?"

"In principle, yes. But why do you want to suffer twice?"

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]