Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can't say that's just a coincidence.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

:)

 

[WWGD]

My daughter has a dog without a nose.
How does he smell?
Horrible!

 

[mfb]

Do they have a gift shop?

That joke has another layer for Germans because Gift=poison.

 

[jack action]

 

[DrClaude]

That joke has another layer for Germans because Gift=poison.

Even better in Swedish, where gift means both poison and married

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That joke has another layer for Germans because Gift=poison.

Well that's the Germans for you.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 289862​

This now hangs on the wall of our company president - Thor.

 

[artis]

Those gates seem like they were taken from a concentration camp.

If I was a former political prisoner seeing those gates alone would give me PTSD

I wonder how the gardeners fight off weeds in that garden - in full hazmat and using "agent orange"

 

[Ibix]

Those gates seem like they were taken from a concentration camp.

If I was a former political prisoner seeing those gates alone would give me PTSD

The place is in the middle of London, which is full of little well-manicured public and private squares with gardens. The scary is deliberate and probably cuts down on the dead bodies found on Saturday mornings.

wonder how the gardeners fight off weeds in that garden - in full hazmat and using "agent orange"

It's a nice normal looking garden inside (that's part of the danger...). I've been on a tour - no protective kit required, although I bet the staff wear heavy gloves and long sleeves when caring for the plants.

 

[jack action]

100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

Now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.

The stables have turned.

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

To go to the opposite of this garden, I'm reminded of the story of the American visiting London who, long story short, desperately needed a bathroom ("loo") to take a whiz but could not find one and was about to do it up against a wall in an alley when a cop ("bobby") tapped him on the shoulder and said Sir, we don't DO that here in London but if you'll follow me, I'll show you where you CAN go.

Bobby takes the guy around the corner and opens up the gate to this beautiful garden and tells the American that he can go anywhere in there. Guy does so, comes out and thanks the bobby profusely and says that must be what they call the British hospitality. Bobby says, well, no sir, it's actually what we call the French Embassy.

 

[artis]

To go to the opposite of this garden, I'm reminded of the story of the American visiting London who, long story short, desperately needed a bathroom ("loo") to take a whiz but could not find one and was about to do it up against a wall in an alley when a cop ("bobby") tapped him on the shoulder and said Sir, we don't DO that here in London but if you'll follow me, I'll show you where you CAN go.

Bobby takes the guy around the corner and opens up the gate to this beautiful garden and tells the American that he can go anywhere in there. Guy does so, comes out and thanks the bobby profusely and says that must be what they call the British hospitality. Bobby says, well, no sir, it's actually what we call the French Embassy.

This was really good

 

[Keith_McClary]

although I bet the staff wear heavy gloves and long sleeves when caring for the plants.

That is recommended for some of my garden plants. (The same books say the deer won't eat them. Haha.)

 

[artis]

The place is in the middle of London, which is full of little well-manicured public and private squares with gardens. The scary is deliberate and probably cuts down on the dead bodies found on Saturday mornings.

Thanks @Ibix yes I actually know the garden location , wikipedia has an article about it, is besides poison plants has other gardens with normal plants , a sort of garden of gardens.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Alnwick_Garden

Anyway I was trying to make a LAME joke about it , since this is a thread for that but I guess my joke was so LAME it didn't gather much sympathy even in the LAME section.

Speaking of LAME jokes, does anyone here remember the Britain's Got Talent contestant "Gatis Kandis" ?

When I first saw him I thought he taught himself comedy while serving time as a registered sex offender

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

I dunno, the horse thing isn't working for me , could the horse be broken?

 

[phinds]

I dunno, the horse thing isn't working for me , could the horse be broken?

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

 

[Borg]

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

I was going to say that maybe it is working.

 

[Ibix]

More likely your sense of humor is broken. Or perhaps your attention to detail.

Or @artis is making a horse joke.