Collection of Lame Jokes

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 341860

Star Trek has its own TV Tropes page for actors who've played multiple roles.

 

[davenn]

one astronomers should get ......

 

[Ibix]

I'll reflect on it.

 

[nsaspook]

Star Trek has its own TV Tropes page for actors who've played multiple roles.

 

[jtbell]

On the ides of March, Julius Caesar was accosted by some of his friends.

Brutus: "Yo, Julius! How many pizzaburgers did you eat on the way to the Forum today?"

Julius: "Et two, Brutus."

Whereupon Julius keeled over with a heart attack and died on the spot.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[phinds]

No. You forgot extra door bolts and rivets for the side panels

 

[jack action]

View attachment 341910

No. You forgot extra door bolts and rivets for the side panels

You obviously don't know how to use duct tape efficiently.

​

 

[jrmichler]

From the monthly bill for my secondary credit card:

Does this mean that I need to send a check for $0.00? Tempted....

 

[Borg]

I don't think that you need to go postal over it.

 

[berkeman]

 

[BillTre]

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

A solar eclipse ... while pregnant ...
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com...ss-during-the-eclipse/articleshow/7631200.cms

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com...-day-of-surya-grahan/articleshow/99613295.cms

Isn't a Solar eclipse enlightening?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

I guess more on the weird side.

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[JamalGross]

What did the duck say when the waiter brought the check? "Put it on my bill."

 

[berkeman]

 

[phinds]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 342032

A close call during chainsaw juggling practice?

 

[jtbell]

I learned a new word today.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

View attachment 342106

For those interested in more...

https://www.facebook.com/wallingfordsign/

 

[phinds]

and one that was written specifically for me:

 

[DrGreg]

...COMPLANING I'M FAT

I didn't know Complan was a verb!

 

[phinds]

I didn't know Complan was a verb!

Jokes don't require proper spelling. That's a well known, longstanding rule that I just made up.

 

[berkeman]

I didn't know Complan was a verb!

Hey, they only had 2 "I"s in their box of letters that day...

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Filip Larsen]

Well the boy already equated 10 with 10! ... so some part of his brain must have known what that would mean.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 342118

I hope the boy's speech bubble in the third panel doesn't get counted as a wish.

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 342106

In the quantum world, if you get scared by the same thing twice, nothing new happens the second time. If you get scared of something else the second time, it's anyone's guess.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

I think I might have seen this here before, but it's worth repeating:

 

[phinds]

I've been letting my hair grow longer and in anticipation of that, I decided to research what was the best shampoo.

I polled 100 women and almost all of them were very strongly of the opinion that I should get the hell out of their shower.

 

[phinds]

My son was emphasizing some point or other recently and backed it up by saying that he based it on polling data.

I told him I didn't trust poles because I had taken a pole myself once and all it did was piss off everyone in the tent.

He said I was spelling it wrong. Damn youngster will make up anything to bolster his point.

My revenge will be to give his son lots of sugar and teach him to cuss.

 

[dextercioby]