Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what they want to change it to.

(Wow, my iPhone's "predictive text" predicted every word of the answer!)[/size]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 342233

"Ballet of the Unhatched Chicks" from Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition:

 

[DrGreg]

"Ballet of the Unhatched Chicks" from Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition:

An electronic version of the same piece, by the Japanese electronic music pioneer Isao Tomita.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 342233

 

[DennisN]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[johntpl]

View attachment 342027

Be the meme you’d like to see in the world…

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

Accidentally put my phone in airplane mode.
Got in the car and the door fell off!

 

[Borg]

What did the supervisor say to the worker who forgot to install the bolts on the 737?

Spoiler

That's just plane nuts!

 

[Orodruin]

Accidentally put my phone in airplane mode.
Got in the car and the door fell off!

What sound does an airplane door make as it bounces off the ground several times?

Spoiler

Boeiiing! Boeiing! Boeing!

 

[WWGD]

What sound does an airplane door make as it bounces off the ground several times?

Spoiler

Boeiiing! Boeiing! Boeing!

Only if someone is there to hear it.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Swamp Thing]

Pirate ship : Thugboat

 

[jtbell]

Isn't every beach town a naval observatory?

 

[WWGD]

Thread on molarity moved to ethics subforum by request of the dyslexic.

 

[Bystander]

Thread on molarity moved to ethics subforum by request of the dyslexic.

Took me a minute.

 

[DaveC426913]

Took me a minute.

Only took ... me unit.

 

[Orodruin]

Took me a minute.

A manatee?

 

[sbrothy]

Wow. This is pretty much the story of my life just with C and assembler instead of Perl:

https://m.xkcd.com/519/

 

[DaveC426913]

Wow. This is pretty much the story of my life just with C and assembler instead of Perl:

https://m.xkcd.com/519/

Insert BASIC on Commodore PET for me.

 

[sbrothy]

Insert BASIC on Commodore PET for me.

Wow. That must've been before my time. My first computer was an MSX Toshiba HX-22. I was 12. All my friends had C64s. I had only crap games so I had to do things myself. I made it draw the Mandelbrot set. It took it 2 days calculating a million pixels but my screen was an ordinary TV so it didn't look so impressive when it was done. I still have a picture of it. :P

It's a scary thought already being a nerd at that age. Not that I ever lacked social skills though. But damn that was a challenge. I've done it since in C++ and that was a piece of cake compared.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[jtbell]

We have a lot of people around here with that problem.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

Third Kirchhoff Law: If the wire exerts smoke, the amperage in the wire is too large.
Fourth Kirchhoff Law: If wire catches fire, amperage is far too much for this wire.
Fifth Kirchhoff Law: If the wire explodes, amperage was even more than in the case of the 4.th Law.

 

[collinsmark]

Third Kirchhoff Law: If the wire exerts smoke, the amperage in the wire is too large.
Fourth Kirchhoff Law: If wire catches fire, amperage is far too much for this wire.
Fifth Kirchhoff Law: If the wire explodes, amperage was even more than in the case of the 4.th Law.

I used to teach an Intro to Computer Engineering Lab class. It was common practice at the time caution the students to be careful when wiring up the power rails to their 7400 series chips, else the chips' "magic smoke" would escape.

 

[DaveC426913]

Reminds me of the instructions for use of a nautical sounding bob.

For use in shallow waters.
Deploy sounding bob at bow. Lower until it touches bottom. Note depth.
Repeat.
If sounding bob touches bottom sooner, you are approaching shallow water, slow and alter course.
If sounding bob bounces, turn immediately.

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

Nitpick: shouldn't that be "Saint Erwin"?

 

[Borg]

Wasn't the cat presumed to have been put in the box alive?

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

HEY ... they finally had one specifically for me:

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard about the new weight loss drug for farm animals?

It's called Ozempig.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

I used to teach an Intro to Computer Engineering Lab class. It was common practice at the time caution the students to be careful when wiring up the power rails to their 7400 series chips, else the chips' "magic smoke" would escape.

I was once trying to work out why a circuit wasn't working. Then I noticed the LED glowing. Then I remembered that it was not a light emitting diode and rapidly deduced that might be related to the problem.

(The diode was across a relay and supposed to short reverse current when the relay switched, but I'd wired it back to front and it simply shorted out the relay, which was why it had over-heated slightly.)

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

A manatee?
View attachment 342436

You hacked into my mother-in-law's personal pics. How dare you?? ;).

 

[DennisN]

The second one is in German (my translation below):

Toilet brush instructions:

1. Completely wrong
2. Wrong
3. Almost correct
4. Correct