Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

I want Tony Danza to be invited to play Jeopardy, so he can answer the question respond to the clue:

"She was the Secretary of Education under Trump"

Tony Danza: Who's DeVos.

Fixed that for you...

 

[WWGD]

Fixed that for you...

Yes, they're not quite real questions.

 

[berkeman]

Yes, they're not quite real questions.

Jeopardy is a quiz show that has a unique answer-and-question format in which contestants are presented with clues in the form of answers and must phrase their responses in the form of a question.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...4QFnoECDsQAw&usg=AOvVaw1yWA_wCe5iZapH4zG_s5Dn

 

[Bob Walance]

An Irishman in a Dublin pub has the habit of ordering three separate pints of Guinness. He would set them down on the table and carefully take a sip from each glass one-by-one.

This goes on for many weeks when someone in the pub gets curious and decides to ask the man why he does this. He answers, "You see, I have two brothers and they've both moved far away. We all decided that every time any us orders Guinness that we would get three pints in order to remember our two other brothers.

This goes on for months.

One day the lad in Dublin orders two pints instead of three and begins sipping from the two glasses. Someone in the bar notices this and walks over to offer his condolences.

"I am so sorry for your loss", the patron says.

"Haha! No, both of my brothers are just fine, but I've stopped drinking."

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

We don’t know yet… they’re still arguing about it.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A simple majority. In the event of a tie, the Vice President holds the stepladder.

 

[BillTre]

 

[JT Smith]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[jtbell]

Well-digger's chant: Boron

"Prometheum anything, but give her Arpége."

What does a doctor do? Helium? Curium?

Have went (bad grammar) = Argon

What does a gravedigger do? Barium

What does a cop do? Cesium

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMg

 

[Borg]

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMg

Since it's highly exothermic, it's OMg in more ways than one.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

From the Walmart web site:

Manual Sausage Enema Machine

Sounds kinky...

 

[topsquark]

From the Walmart web site:

Manual Sausage Enema Machine

Sounds kinky...

May I be the first to say that I'm not going to click on that "link."

-Dan

 

[berkeman]

May I be the first to say that I'm not going to click on that "link."

I don't blame you, but I'm a medical professional and I was curious, so I clicked on in. It was pretty benign, and sausage oriented.

 

[jtbell]

A Google search for "sausage enema" turned up a Reddit discussion which includes the following comments:

灌腸 (guanchang) is a local street snack in Beijing. You start with pig intestine, fill it with flour and rice, and fry it in lard. Calling it a "sausage" confuses things because to an English speaker "sausage" usually conveys a meat product.

guànchang/ guàncháng (stress on 灌) "sausage stuffed with rice" guàn cháng (stress on 腸) "to irrigate the bowels"

Another Reddit discussion includes this picture:

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

Another Reddit discussion includes this picture:

I am a a big fan of Chinglish!

Does this thingy take trash and make it into trash items, one wonders?
Or maybe it takes collected trash and spreads it around?

"A 2007 sign on a trash bin for non-recyclable waste at the Xi'an Xianyang International Airport." (from Wikipedia)

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 344080

They look like this:

Good luck searching!

 

[berkeman]

 

[jack action]

How do you call Batman when he's injured?

Spoiler: Answer

Bruised Wayne

 

[jack action]

How many elephants can fit inside a Mini?

Spoiler: Answer

Four: two in the front, two in the back.

 

[jack action]

How do you know there are eight elephants in a church?

Spoiler: Answer

There are two Minis in the parking lot.

 

[Ibix]

How many elephants can fit inside a Mini?

View attachment 344115 View attachment 344116

Spoiler: Answer

Four: two in the front, two in the back.

How do you get two rhinos in Mini?

Spoiler

Take two of the elephants out.

How do you get two whales in a Mini?

Spoiler

Straight up the M4

Spoiler: Never explain the joke

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M4_motorway

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

What's it like living in Wales?

Ask Jonah!

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

Those who proved the violation of Bell's inequality received the No-Bell prize.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

The remaining manuscripts of Steven Hawking were published into a book. It's about time!

 

[BillTre]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Borg]

I got 'caught' by a plagiarism program once on an exam where I was instructed to submit my exam with specific section and title names. It flagged those items.

 

[Orodruin]

Perhaps not in the spirit of the thread, but I feel it should be pointed out that these tools are not "plagiarism detectors", they are text matching tools. One cannot just look at the matching percentage and conclude "plagiarism". It is necessary for the user to draw relevant conclusions whether the matching text constitutes plagiarism or not.