Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

 

[docnet]

View attachment 345197

Hate on the 'new' all you want, but cybertrucks are selling on the used market for $150,000 around me.

 

[berkeman]

Hate on the 'new' all you want, but cybertrucks are selling on the used market for $150,000 around me.

LOL. That's a bad sign that Tesla just came out with them, and they are already getting dumped on the market. Might as well buy a new one, or not...

 

[docnet]

LOL. That's a bad sign that Tesla just came out with them, and they are already getting dumped on the market. Might as well buy a new one, or not...

View attachment 345199

If one considers that Cybertrucks range from $80,000 to $102,000 and the waitlist for buying one is around 4 years, these sellers are poised to make money from people who have lots of $$ and don't want to wait to buy one. And the inflated prices are probably a sign of the hype more than people who changed their minds. I would bet some people never purchased to keep the car for themselves, in the first place.

If I had that much money to spend, which I don't, I'd buy me a Steinway piano which would provide many hours of joy .

Heck, $190,000 is 1/4 of the average price of houses around me.

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 345197

Urea: the fuel of the future!

 

[WWGD]

Urea: the fuel of the future!

Iama?

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 345194

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[DaveC426913]

We have #2 pencils here, too.

Funny story: They only got that name because of that mathemacian who had constipation, and had to work it out with a ... #2 pencil ...

 

[phinds]

see post #19,050 just above where you posted this.

View attachment 345257

 

[phinds]

 

[difalcojr]

A Navy recruiting office poster.

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 345267

Honeydew it, of course.

 

[WWGD]

I took an online Iq test that sends you the results back by email. I made sure to get everything wrong and gave my friend's name ( Edit: IIRC and last name initial) and email address. Wonder how he will react to the email titled: " John, your IQ is 29", not having an idea where it came from.

 

[symbolipoint]

I took an online Iq test that sends you the results back by email. I made sure to get everything wrong and gave my friend's name and email address. Wonder how he will react to the email titled: " John, your IQ is 29", not having an idea where it came from.

Your friend will probably ignore it, believing it either to be phish or spam.

 

[BillTre]

Your friend will probably ignore it, believing it either to be phish or spam.

unless he/she has an IQ of 29.

 

[berkeman]

I took an online Iq test

Um, you failed right of the gate. I'd ask you why, but it would probably be pointless...

 

[phinds]

I would have said 3, but whatever ...

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 345299

I would have said 3, but whatever ...

I would have said 1. This way, I answered it correctly (mod 3) and avoided winning the prize simultaneously.

 

[jtbell]

What did the polka band leader name his daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two...

 

[symbolipoint]

This will be repetitious, but...

Another description for a naughty donkey?

You'all already know this. RIght?
(Bad Ass)

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler: Answer

Well, it's not 6 because my basement is still dark.

 

[nsaspook]

View attachment 345198

"Hello Darkness my Old Friend, I stood up too fast Again."

 

[fresh_42]

"Hello Darkness my Old Friend, I stood up too fast Again."

...
because a pain softly creeping
left its ouch while I was sleeping
and the pains that were planted in my back
will come back
within the sound of moving.

 

[Mayhem]

A scientist and an accountant schedule a meeting for 8 o' clock. The accountant shows up the next day at 8:00 AM and waits a few minutes, wondering where the scientist is. At 8:22 AM, the scientist shows up and acts like nothing is up. The meeting proceeds, and they schedule a new meeting the same time next week. Again, the accountant shows up at 8:00 AM, and waits around until 8:16 before the scientist shows up. He figures that maybe it's just a coincidence and let's it slide. They have the meeting and schedule another one the same time next week. This time, the accountant overslept but manages to arrive at the office building at exactly 8:25 AM. He thinks to himself, "well he is probably also a little late as well". The accountant goes through the building and finds the meeting room, which takes a few minutes and it is now 8:30 AM. The scientist, irate and frustrated goes: "Where were you!? You're an hour late!"

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

Local elections are coming up in a few weeks here.

Uh-oh... next thing you know, they'll take over the whole county... then the whole state... then...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

Friendly tip:

When making a sex tape, always play Disney music in the background.

That way if it gets leaked online, Disney lawyers will have them all taken down.

You're welcome.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

For old time Baseball fans. The Wall Street historical team:
Ernie Banks, Barry Bonds, Don Money and David Cash.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 345507​

I'm too lazy to look for a pic of Descartes before de horse.

 

[fresh_42]

I knew it! Those cats are not what they pretend to be!

 

[collinsmark]

(Source: https://explosm.net/comics/killing-time#comic)

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

An old lady treats herself to a night's stay in a luxurious hotel. When it's time to pay, the employee at the counter hands her over a $250 bill.

She then asks the employee why it is so expensive. She explains to him that she agrees that it's a nice hotel, but that frankly it wasn't worth $250 for just one night, plus she didn't even have breakfast.

The employee replied that $250 was the standard price, that breakfast was included, and that she could have had it.

She then asks to speak to the director. He arrives at reception and, already informed by the employee, announces:

- “Madam, this hotel has an Olympic-sized swimming pool and a fully equipped conference center, this is part of our standard.”

- “But I didn’t use them”, she said.

- “Maybe, but it was there and you could have used them.”

He goes on to explain that the hotel also has a very famous show every evening and that she could have attended it.

- "But I didn’t go to the show”, she insists.

After each service that the hotel manager details, she replies that she did not take advantage of it. But the director always has the answer to everything. After a while, she finally decides and writes a check for ... $50, which she hands to the director.

The latter, surprised when he saw the check, said to her:

- “But ma’am, your check is only for $50!”

- “That’s true, but I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.”

- “But ma’am, I didn’t sleep with you!” exclaims the director.

- “Ah! It’s a shame, I was there, and you could have taken advantage of it!”

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

Friendly tip:

When making a sex tape, always play Disney music in the background.

That way if it gets leaked online, Disney lawyers will have them all taken down.

You're welcome.

and a variation on that is ...
if visiting a "girl of the night", video the session, then it's porn, not prostxxx, then it's legal

you are welcome

 

[jack action]

Some people are like slinkies.

Not really good for much, but brings a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

Starting to wonder about the search history of @jack action.

 

[jack action]

Starting to wonder about the search history of @jack action.

Always on the safe side, private browsing only.