Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #1,901
Lame Science Jokes

I don't know about everyone else here, but I'm a sucker for the lame science jokes or puns.

eg.

hydrogen atom 1 said
"I think I've lost an electron"

Hydrogen atom 2 replied
"are you sure?"

hydrogen atom 1 said
"yes, I am positive"

Hydrogen atom 2 replied
"well then, you better keep an ion them"


Anyone willing to share some science jokes? :biggrin:
 
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  • #1,902


lol funny Hydrogen atom speak something - lol :)
 
  • #1,903


miniradman:

Great P-Chem joke, but I think it would have been a bit stronger had it stopped with the line: "Yes, I am positive!"***

Anyways, I have a few scientific daffynitions:

GI Tract: Real Estate term for an army base.

Expansion Joint: Honkey-tonk with an addition attached.

Carbon Ring: Organized coal thieves.

Dark Flow: Diarrhea (Sorry 'bout that!)

***

I have a few more, but i can't think of them right now.
 
  • #1,904
Man, organic chemistry is hard. Because everytime I do it, I have Alkynes of trouble :biggrin:
 
  • #1,905
miniradman said:
Man, organic chemistry is hard. Because everytime I do it, I have Alkynes of trouble :biggrin:

Hey, I took my last vacation in the Isles of Langerhans! :smile:
 
  • #1,906
BadBrain said:
Hey, I took my last vacation in the Isles of Langerhans! :smile:
AHAHAHA! nice...

A super conductor walks into a bar. The barman tells him to get out, the super conductor leaves without any resistance. :biggrin:
 
  • #1,907
miniradman said:
AHAHAHA! nice...

A super conductor walks into a bar. The barman tells him to get out, the super conductor leaves without any resistance. :biggrin:

Actually, a superior conductor would leave the bar with minimal resistance, whereas only a PERFECT conductor would leave the bar without any resistance.

***

Anyways, a teenaged girl spent a weekend with both her pairs of grandparents. Each grandparent presented her with the pair of blue denim trousers they had worn at Woodstock. The young lady gratefully realized that she had received one-quarter of her jeans from each of her grandparents!
 
  • #1,908


BadBrain said:
miniradman:

Great P-Chem joke, but I think it would have been a bit stronger had it stopped with the line: "Yes, I am positive!"
I'd heard that one before a lot. I'd never heard minirfadman's spin on it.
 
  • #1,909


BadBrain said:
I have a few more, but i can't think of them right now.
Yeah, I would share some more. But all the good ones... argon :-p
 
  • #1,910
[PLAIN]http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/1858/rabbitshadow.jpg
 
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  • #1,911
IMP said:
[PLAIN]http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/1858/rabbitshadow.jpg[/QUOTE]

I can do a pretty good dinosaur face, complete with an eye that looks around.
 
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  • #1,912
Lancelot59 said:
I can do a pretty good dinosaur face, complete with an eye that looks around.

Wait... what dinosaur has a silhouette with a distinguishable eye?

[PLAIN]http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_439/1253797759RnO7js.jpg
 
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  • #1,913
FlexGunship said:
Wait... what dinosaur has a silhouette with a distinguishable eye?

[PLAIN]http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_439/1253797759RnO7js.jpg[/QUOTE]

Not a silhouette. It's a face with a mouth and an eye.
 
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  • #1,914
[PLAIN]http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/memes-all-your-base-are-belong-to-us.jpg
 
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  • #1,915
lisab said:
[PLAIN]http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/memes-all-your-base-are-belong-to-us.jpg[/quote]lol!
 
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  • #1,916
I love chemistry cat! A few more for you courtesy of Memetracker on Huffington Post (the first one is from Tumblr).

[PLAIN]http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsgvh9qjSz1qj4buio1_400.jpg
slide_37258_316949_large.jpg

slide_37258_316928_large.jpg

slide_37258_316970_large.jpg

slide_37258_316951_large.jpg

slide_37258_316955_large.jpg

slide_37258_316964_large.jpg
 
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  • #1,917
lisab said:
[PLAIN]http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/memes-all-your-base-are-belong-to-us.jpg[/QUOTE]

:smile::smile::smile: omg LOLOL very good 1 lisab!
 
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  • #1,918
What's the SI unit of beauty? The milli-Helen (mH), which is the amount of beauty needed to launch exactly one ship.
 
  • #1,919
Ibix said:
What's the SI unit of beauty? The milli-Helen (mH), which is the amount of beauty needed to launch exactly one ship.

:smile: :smile: :smile: :smile:
 
  • #1,920
Q: How do you know if a leper has sent you a letter?
A: The tongue is still on the envelope.
 
  • #1,921
A small-town guy gets a job in New York. He finds an apartment in Queens, figuring he'll take the subway to work every day.

On the first day, he notices that one of his fellow passengers is rather hairy with a heavy brow. He's wearing a loincloth of animal skin and carrying a stone spear. In short, a Neanderthal. Nobody else seems to be paying attention (you know how the subway is), but the guy can't believe his eyes. Eventually, he plucks up courage to ask.

"Excuse me, sir. I hope you don't mind my asking, but... Are you a Neanderthal?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," answers the Neanderthal. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason, no reason," answers the guy. "It's just... Well, I thought you guys went extinct."

"Well New York is a blue state," answers the Neanderthal. "But there are still a few of us around."

"Right, right," says the guy, and a short silence falls.

"New to the city, are you?" asks the Neanderthal, politely.

"Oh yeah," answers the guy. "I just moved here at the weekend. I'm from Montana originally, a town called Hamilton."

The Neanderthal's face suddenly goes blank and he takes a step back. At that moment, the train pulls into a station and the Neanderthal backs off the train and disappears into the crowd. Everybody left in the subway car is staring at the guy in an unfriendly way. Not really sure what he's done, he thinks he'd better find out. One lady looks less unsympathetic than the others, so he decides to ask her.

"I'm sorry, I'm new here. Can you tell me what I said wrong?"

"You really must be new," answers the lady. "Everyone around here knows: you never evolve if you commute with a Hamiltonian."
 
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  • #1,922
Ibix said:
A small-town guy gets a job in New York. He finds an apartment in Queens, figuring he'll take the subway to work every day.

On the first day, he notices that one of his fellow passengers is rather hairy with a heavy brow. He's wearing a loincloth of animal skin and carrying a stone spear. In short, a Neanderthal. Nobody else seems to be paying attention (you know how the subway is), but the guy can't believe his eyes. Eventually, he plucks up courage to ask.

"Excuse me, sir. I hope you don't mind my asking, but... Are you a Neanderthal?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," answers the Neanderthal. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason, no reason," answers the guy. "It's just... Well, I thought you guys went extinct."

"Well New York is a blue state," answers the Neanderthal. "But there are still a few of us around."

"Right, right," says the guy, and a short silence falls.

"New to the city, are you?" asks the Neanderthal, politely.

"Oh yeah," answers the guy. "I just moved here at the weekend. I'm from Montana originally, a town called Hamilton."

The Neanderthal's face suddenly goes blank and he takes a step back. At that moment, the train pulls into a station and the Neanderthal backs off the train and disappears into the crowd. Everybody left in the subway car is staring at the guy in an unfriendly way. Not really sure what he's done, he thinks he'd better find out. One lady looks less unsympathetic than the others, so he decides to ask her.

"I'm sorry, I'm new here. Can you tell me what I said wrong?"

"You really must be new," answers the lady. "Everyone around here knows: you never evolve if you commute with a Hamiltonian."

:smile: that's so awesome
 
  • #1,923
Ibix said:
A small-town guy gets a job in New York. He finds an apartment in Queens, figuring he'll take the subway to work every day.

On the first day, he notices that one of his fellow passengers is rather hairy with a heavy brow. He's wearing a loincloth of animal skin and carrying a stone spear. In short, a Neanderthal. Nobody else seems to be paying attention (you know how the subway is), but the guy can't believe his eyes. Eventually, he plucks up courage to ask.

"Excuse me, sir. I hope you don't mind my asking, but... Are you a Neanderthal?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," answers the Neanderthal. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason, no reason," answers the guy. "It's just... Well, I thought you guys went extinct."

"Well New York is a blue state," answers the Neanderthal. "But there are still a few of us around."

"Right, right," says the guy, and a short silence falls.

"New to the city, are you?" asks the Neanderthal, politely.

"Oh yeah," answers the guy. "I just moved here at the weekend. I'm from Montana originally, a town called Hamilton."

The Neanderthal's face suddenly goes blank and he takes a step back. At that moment, the train pulls into a station and the Neanderthal backs off the train and disappears into the crowd. Everybody left in the subway car is staring at the guy in an unfriendly way. Not really sure what he's done, he thinks he'd better find out. One lady looks less unsympathetic than the others, so he decides to ask her.

"I'm sorry, I'm new here. Can you tell me what I said wrong?"

"You really must be new," answers the lady. "Everyone around here knows: you never evolve if you commute with a Hamiltonian."

I feel like this might win the award for the most contrived joke ever. Still funny, though.
 
  • #1,924
http://cp.ifunny.mobi/images/3037ee5e79508bd554bbdf740d9edfacca96752e_1.jpg
 
  • #1,925
Did you hear they're going to close Cedar Point?They want to keep the kids away from Sandusky.

(regional)
 
  • #1,926
WhoWee said:
(regional)

Very. :rolleyes:
 
  • #1,927
FlexGunship said:
I feel like this might win the award for the most contrived joke ever. Still funny, though.
I was told the joke by a colleague, the only other guy with university-level physics in my office. English isn't his first language, and between his grammar and his thick accent I have to pay pretty close attention to understand him. Something about concentrating like that on a shaggy dog story meant that the punchline hit hard, and I did indeed laugh out loud. He turns to his immediate neighbours and says "See - it is funny". :biggrin:

I gather it had been totally lost on the maths-with-stats crowd we work with. :rolleyes:
 
  • #1,928
FlexGunship said:
I feel like this might win the award for the most contrived joke ever. Still funny, though.
No 'Special Ross and Lester Cheese' is the most contrived joke ever.

Please don't make me tell it.
 
  • #1,929
DaveC426913 said:
Please don't make me tell it.

Please, Dave... tell it... :rolleyes:
 
  • #1,930
How do you call German forum admin locking himself out of the forum?

Autobahn.
 
  • #1,931
Borek said:
How do you call German forum admin locking himself out of the forum?

Autobahn.
the one track mind of banning in action -_-
 
  • #1,932
FlexGunship said:
Please, Dave... tell it... :rolleyes:

:sigh:

So, John is a new bus driver, and is assigned his first route, the famous Sesame Street. He doesn't really know what to expect of the kids.

At his first stop, a little girl gets on and marches up to him and says,"Hi, my name is Pat and I'm fat." She then sits in the back of the bus. Second stop another girl gets on and says,"Hi, I'm Patricia and I'm obese." She goes and sits next to Pat. John just shakes his head.

Third stop, a little boy gets on and says to John,"I'm Ross, and I'm special." He marches to the back and sits by the girls.

Next stop, another boy gets on and says, "My name is Lester Cheese." Lester sits down right behind John and proceeds to take his shoes and socks off. He has bunions on his feet and starts to pick at them.

John is watching in his rearview mirror and doesn't notice a stop sign as he blows through it. As luck would have it, a police officer is sitting there, pulls him over and starts really giving him a tongue-lashing for dangerous driving with kids on the bus.

John says to the officer, "Look, give me a break. Don't you realize what I have here? I've got two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"
 
  • #1,933
http://chzhistoriclols.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/funny-pictures-history-no-im-not-going-to-play-cards-with-you-youre-a-cheeta.jpg
 
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  • #1,934
DaveC426913 said:
John says to the officer, "Look, give me a break. Don't you realize what I have here? I've got two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"

This is great stuff
 
  • #1,935
TEL AVIV, Israel — The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: “Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!”
 
  • #1,936
If you believe in reincarnation, shouldn't your gravestone say BRB instead of RIP??
 
  • #1,937
micromass said:
If you believe in reincarnation, shouldn't your gravestone say BRB instead of RIP??

Somehow it made me wonder if Gates grave shouldn't be blue.

Not that I wish him to die fast, don't get me wrong. I am just thinking about inevitable.
 
  • #1,938
http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/memebase.jpg?w=350
 
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  • #1,939
gravenewworld said:
http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/memebase.jpg?w=350
There was a very long-lasting thread on exactly this floating around here.
 
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  • #1,940
DaveC426913 said:
There was a very long-lasting thread on exactly this floating around here.

Sounds entertaining, let's see if we can find it.
 
  • #1,943
A traveling salesmen is out in the middle of nowhere in central USA. He's looking for a place to stop for a bite to eat when he sees a sign saying 'Meet Chief Sitting Deer, the Indian with the perfect memory! Only $1!' and, even better, there's a cafe. He pulls over.

The food in the cafe isn't bad. The salesman figures he'll pass on meeting the chief, but the waitresses are all wearing 'I remember I met the Chief!' t-shirts, and his curiosity gets the better of him. He pays his dollar and goes into the Chief's teepee.

The Chief is sitting cross-legged in front of a fire. 'Uh, hi,' says the salesman. The Chief holds out one hand, palm towards the salesman.

'How.'

'Uh, they say you remember everything,' says the salesman. 'I was wondering what you had for breakfast on 10th March 1987.'

The chief thinks for a minute, then says one word.

'Eggs.'

The salesman is impressed, but gets the impression that the show is over and takes his leave.

A few months later he's on the same route and sees the same sign. He needs a bite to eat, and he decides he'll see the Chief again. He figures that he ought to remember him if his memory is as good as it's supposed to be. He pays his dollar and goes in. He remembers the way the Chief greeted him last time, so does the same thing: holds his hand up, palm towards the Chief, and says 'How'.

The Chief thinks for a minute and says one word.

'Fried.'
 
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  • #1,944
Did you hear about the Israeli man who died of food poisoning? Police suspect it was a hummus side.
 
  • #1,945
:rolleyes:

gads. yet another new genre...

is nothing sacred anymore?

Q: What do you call someone who covers his parts in chick peas, garlic and tahini?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

A: A hummusexual.

:blushing:

(welcome to PF Anna! :smile: )
 
  • #1,946
Hahaha! OmCheeto funny!

What's brown and sticky?

...A stick! :)
 
  • #1,947
Anna Blanksch said:
Hahaha! OmCheeto funny!

What's brown and sticky?

...


A stick! :)

HA! That's so lame...I'm telling it to everyone today :smile:!
 
  • #1,948
Asteroids are just A's on steroids.
 
  • #1,949
FtlIsAwesome said:
Asteroids are just A's on steroids.

:cry:
 
  • #1,950
Drakkith said:
:cry:
:smile:

Hey, I'm putting the LAME back in LAME Jokes. :biggrin:
 

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