Collection of Lame Jokes

[HeLiXe]

Mmmm, BaCoN.

naturally i find this terribly hilarious lololz

 

[Lancelot59]

Obviously you have better taste than your friend does.

Indeed.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

What is Santa's native language?
North Polish.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Donald Trump is hosting a debate for the Republican party.

But Trump may be the only one there!

All but two candidates have refused to attend.

 

[Lancelot59]

What smells and rings like a bell?

DUNGggggg...

 

[mrnicknames]

what did the pioneers say when they first stepped on afrikan soil?

we are in for a dark future...


meh... makes more sense in danish. and fvi I am not white myself so i would´t consider it to be a racist joke, just... lame!

 

[DaveC426913]

and fvi I am not white myself so i would´t consider it to be a racist joke, just... lame!

This is a common fallacy. Racism is racism, regardless of who speaks it.

 

[Borek]

This is a common fallacy. Racism is racism, regardless of who speaks it.

Then I am a racist. You don't want to know what I think about average white.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Then I am a racist.

I tend to be racist when it comes to my driving.

 

[Lancelot59]

Then I am a racist. You don't want to know what I think about average white.

Lets not go there...

I tend to be racist when it comes to my driving.

HA! I get it...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

HA! I get it...

Uh oh, this is not a good sign!

You know what happens to racist drivers, right?

 

[Lancelot59]

Uh oh, this is not a good sign!

You know what happens to racist drivers, right?

They get speeding tickets, if they're doing it wrong.

 

[jiksaw213]

Name six animals which live in Arctic?
...2 polar bears and 4 seals!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

They get speeding tickets, if they're doing it wrong.

They get chased by a car of mixed race - a black and white.

 

[Lancelot59]

They get chased by a car of mixed race - a black and white.

That joke doesn't work for me. RCMP cars are white.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

RCMP cars are white.

Racist!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Have you ever heard the old engineering tune...

Rho, rho, rho your boat...

 

[HeLiXe]

Have you ever heard the old engineering tune...

Rho, rho, rho your boat...

 

[Borek]

I remember "Row, row, row your boat" being proposed as a new Cuban anthem.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I remember "Row, row, row your boat" being proposed as a new Cuban anthem.

Yes, but the problem was that they didn't always rho their boats.

 

[turbo]

Yes, but the problem was that they didn't always rho their boats.

And often, they rued their boats.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I went out for crew with the Iota Rho Beta frat.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Hmmm, Kim Jong Il died. I didn't know he was Il.

 

[FizixFreak]

Hmmm, Kim Jong Il died. I didn't know he was Il.

He was Il his entire life but i am not sure if he was ever Ill get it?

 

[DaveC426913]

He was Il his entire life but i am not sure if he was ever Ill get it?

I think he got it, yeah. Did you?

 

[Borek]

Junior told me end of the world is a movable feast.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My wife gave me Christmas magnets, for Christmas. I didn't understand what made them Christmas magnets until I realized that I can't stick them together - they only have a North Pole.

 

[Drakkith]

My wife gave me Christmas magnets, for Christmas. I didn't understand what made them Christmas magnets until I realized that I can't stick them together - they only have a North Pole.

Hahaha...

 

[HeLiXe]

My wife gave me Christmas magnets, for Christmas. I didn't understand what made them Christmas magnets until I realized that I can't stick them together - they only have a North Pole.

el oh el

 

[Ivan Seeking]

el oh el

During this holiday season, no els please.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

[Well I assumed that someone would finish the joke for me]

... so it should be "oh, oh, oh"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/8692/missilesq.jpg

 

[IMP]

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise', The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly, and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.

He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'

'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'

 

[QuarkCharmer]

Gauss taught Sherlock Holmes to solve linear equations. "Eliminatory, my dear Holmes," he explained.

 

[I like Serena]

Gauss taught Sherlock Holmes to solve linear equations. "Eliminatory, my dear Holmes," he explained.

He must have misunderstood, because that's not how he explained it to Watson.

 

[Evo]

chicken surprise

a couple go for a meal at a chinese restaurant and order the 'chicken surprise', the waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly, and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.

He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' the husband replies, 'chicken surprise.'

'ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'i bring you peeking duck!'

lol!

 

[IMP]

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will remain stationery.

 

[Lancelot59]

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will remain stationery.

So poke a hole in it instead?

 

[Tea Jay]

There was a hail storm, and the body shop was crowded with people wanting the dings taken out of their cars. A blond was having trouble understanding what the counter person was saying, and he got exasperated, and told her to just go home, and blow in the tail pipe really hard until all the dings pop back out.


A while later her other blond friend comes over, and sees her blowing really hard on the tail pipe over and over again...and asks what she's doing.

She explains, and the other blond walks around the car, thinking, and finally exclaims "You IDIOT! You have to roll up the windows first!"

 

[Tea Jay]

A blind guy at the bar says, "hey, I have this great blond joke..."

One of the guys at the bar stops him, and says, "Wait, just so you know, I'm blond, and a 5th degree blackbelt, Sven there is blond, and is a professional boxer, and Oleg there is blond, and a pro wrestler...none of us is less than 6' 5" tall, and all of us are built like body builders...are you SURE you want to tell a blond joke?"

And the blind guys listens, and says, well, I guess not under the circumstances, I'd hate to have to explain it three times.

 

[Tea Jay]

Do you know the difference between a jug of milk and a dozen ferocious rabid wolverines?
"No, what?"

Remind me to never send you to get groceries...

 

[Tea Jay]

Tachyon

Who's there?


Knock Knock

 

[Lancelot59]

I like those! Lolz were had.

 

[Tea Jay]

Did you hear about the blond tachyon?She was a fast woman, but wanted dinner AFTER...

 

[jtbell]

Have you ever noticed that stupid ideas (or jokes! ) seem to become smarter when they come at you rapidly?

It's called the dopeler effect.

 

[Drakkith]

I wanted a good joke at the expense of someone else, so I went to the mirror and laughed like a maniac.

 

[IMP]

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

 

[HeLiXe]

lololz

 

[turbo]

Why was the rap-singing stunt-pilot arrested?

For jinking and jiving.

 

[Drakkith]

Why was the rap-singing stunt-pilot arrested?

For jinking and jiving.

This one...hurts...my brain...