Collection of Lame Jokes

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A guy was driving on the interstate and got into a wreck.

He wasn't in a good situation.

His body was arranged in all the wrong ways, his feet were where his nose was supposed to be and his ears were where his arms were supposed to be...

The medics came, and the guy was mad. As they got him out he started swearing at them.

A passerby came up and said, "Well now, don't get all bent out of shape!"
 
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DaveC426913 said:
nis: this is a G-rated board.

I've asked for your post to be cleaned up.

I apologize, I didn't realize that it was so... racey. I had assumed that to get that end of the joke, you'd require knowledge of the "issues" to begin with... you know, like the obscene frames in Disney movies.
 
PF



Powerfully Factual

Potentially Fatal

Parrot Freedom

Place of Friends

[All] Purpose Flour

Prefered [Reference] Frame

Petroleum Flame
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
PF



Powerfully Factual

Potentially Fatal

Parrot Freedom

Place of Friends

[All] Purpose Flour

Prefered [Reference] Frame

Petroleum Flame

Perfect Fart
Prolific Flatulance!
Possibly Funny?
 
Lancelot59 said:
Possibly Funny?
Problematically Funny
Potentially Funny
Painfully Funny
Powerfully Funny
Pressured to be Funny


I think I'm repeating myself here... :rolleyes:
 
Power Flower! :rolleyes:
Poker Face





Pilot: Hey, we're out of gas. You said we had gas!
Captain: And I did. But I'm feeling much better now.
Pilot: I meant rocket fuel!





Guy 1: [holding up check] Look at all those zero's!
Guy 2: We're rich!
Guy 1: It's in the millions!
Guy 2: Tens of millions!
Guy 1: We're super uber rich!
[the check says $00,000,000]
 
Exercise? Yeah, I do that.

I do one push-up a day.
I get up in the morning that's one half.
I lay down at night that's the other half.
 
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nismar
Oh.
Can I come in?
Yeah, one sec, I just have to undo the latch.
Hey buddy!
Hey man!
 
cobalt124 said:
My wifes gone to the Carribean.
Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.

Ooooohhh... STINKER.

@Fit: Heh.


"A cat for a hat, a hat for a cat, but nothing for nothing."

Who the hell is trading cats for hats, and visa versa? I think forced rhymes are a bad joke, but I do love that saying...

edit:

An Architect Zombie:

Frrrraaaaammmmmeeeesssss

IRS Zombie:

Capital GGGAAAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSS
 
nismaratwork said:
I think forced rhymes are a bad joke
Good types of jokes,
Bad types of jokes,
They all belong in lame jokes.


nismaratwork said:
An Architect Zombie:

Frrrraaaaammmmmeeeesssss

IRS Zombie:

Capital GGGAAAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSS
Basically, we've been recycling the same ones:
nismaratwork said:
A physicist zombie studying Relativity?

"Frrrraaaaammmeesssss"
FtlIsAwesome said:
A photographist zombie?

" Frrrraaaaaaammmmmeeeesssssss "
The above is the 1000th post. :biggrin:
nismaratwork said:
Zombie Origami artist?

"Crrrrraaaaannnneeesss"
FtlIsAwesome said:
Or a constuction zombie.
FtlIsAwesome said:
A capitalist zombie?

" Gaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnnnnsssss "
This one is my favorite.
 
Heh... yeah the subconscious "inspirations" do tend to be plagueristic... ah well.

Hamlet Zombie: Daaaaaaannnnnneeeeessss
 
Ok, I've been wondering about this for weeks.
Unfortunately, posting it will result in my death.
What would happen if someone called you Miss Mara T. Work?
*runrunrunrunruns*
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I've been wondering about this for weeks.
Unfortunately, posting it will result in my death.
What would happen if someone called you Miss Mara T. Work?
*runrunrunrunruns*

I'd be so confused, and probably mention a female bodybuilder (former) I know named Mara. Beyond that, I'd be... at a loss. :-p
 
A superstar zombie?

" Faaaaaammmmmeeeee "

An ID checker zombie?

" Naaaaammmmmmeeee "
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
An ID checker zombie?

" Naaaaammmmmmeeee "

:smile: OMG now i know how Devil'savocado felt about the food thread lol
 
HeLiXe said:
:smile: OMG now i know how Devil'savocado felt about the food thread lol

Hmmm... take some DA, place in blender, add freshly squeezed lime juice, cilantro, zest of lemon and lime, a bit of honey, and a pound of prussic acid. That's right about where I am with cooking that brand of Avocado... that, or fried. :devil:

Of course, that would require him showing his face here again, which may qualify as a lame joke in and of itself.


Zombie Carny Barker:

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmeeessss!"

Zombie Pimp:

"Where's my money ho?!"


...
...
...
Hey, this is LAME jokes.
 
nismaratwork said:
Hmmm... take some DA, place in blender, add freshly squeezed lime juice, cilantro, zest of lemon and lime, a bit of honey, and a pound of prussic acid. That's right about where I am with cooking that brand of Avocado... that, or fried. :devil:

Hooooly @#%^ LOLOLOLOL
 
HeLiXe said:
Hooooly @#%^ LOLOLOLOL

You don't like guacamole a la citrus/cyanide?! The trick is to use a variety of corn chips...
 
Use camphor in a sentence.

We went to camphor a week.
 
nismaratwork said:
You don't like guacamole a la citrus/cyanide?! The trick is to use a variety of corn chips...
lolol poor DA
 
HeLiXe said:
lolol poor DA

He'll live, but shame and publicly embarrassing yourself can take some time to cope with. :wink:

Camphor the burgers, stay for the pie.
 
is that why he left? He better get over it and come back :biggrin: embarrassing myself is so much a part of my life I've lost my sense of shame...and some think that is a bad thing
 
HeLiXe said:
is that why he left? He better get over it and come back :biggrin: embarrassing myself is so much a part of my life I've lost my sense of shame...and some think that is a bad thing

Agreed, it's just a learning experience! You just have to be camphortable with yourself, and understand that mistaks and assumptions can bite you. Still, through judicous application of shame (and camphor) the lesson is learned, and we hope not repeated.


Camphor.

... mothballs.

Do moths have balls?
 

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