Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

You are not going to BELIEVE the pizza that slices from this this go on.

View attachment 348604

Mortadella on pizza? That's worse than caper, artichoke, and anchovies combined!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348597​

... and now imagine another Carrington event!

 

[phinds]

 

[Borg]

 

[dwarde]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348627

I understood that @BillTre has planned to visit @phinds but is now considering whether he can afford it.

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 348627

Sometimes I make ironic responses like this.
Enjoy!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dwarde]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

The wife of a lawyer asked her husband,”Would you explain a puzzling question that has been agitating my mind for some time now?”

Husband: Okay darling, what's the question?

Wife: Why is it that the wife has to cook meals for the husband everyday?

The lawyer thought over the question for some time and replied:

According to the Geneva Convention, every prisoner of war has to be fed balanced diet by their captors at least twice a day.

 

[davenn]

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'

The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'

He said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[davenn]

View attachment 348720

I only posted that one a day ago look back on this same page

 

[WWGD]

I only posted that one a day ago look back on this same page

I bet a good chunk of the total are repeats.

 

[davenn]

I bet a good chunk of the total are repeats.

but not within 24 hrs LOL

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 348736

Perfect!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

Wife:
Have you seen the coffee filters?

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Incontinental Airways​

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dwarde]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

Snapshot of an endangered species​

 

[berkeman]

 

[jack action]

View attachment 348841

If this is what you see on a Ferris wheel, you clearly have been using it wrong:

 

[fresh_42]

If this is what you see on a Ferris wheel, you clearly have been using it wrong:

View attachment 348843​

I bet he'd rather saw this:

 

[DennisN]

 

[phinds]

SO true !

 

[DennisN]

Snapshot of an endangered species

What a weird looking phone! Anyone know which model it is?

 

[fresh_42]

What a weird looking phone! Anyone know which model it is?

It's the predecessor model of this one, foldable.

 

[jack action]

What a weird looking phone! Anyone know which model it is?

It is most likely a Gutenberg. I cannot be more specific on the model as they all pretty much look the same since the B42.

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 348752

"'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS... IS AN X-TWITTER!!"

 

[fresh_42]

Scottish women pulling their husbands out of the pub.

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 348514

On the same theme …

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 348815

I bet those won't make it under any airline's weight limit.

 

[fresh_42]

I bet those won't make it under any airline's weight limit.

I definitely wouldn't want to sit under the overhead compartment where it's put.

 

[Ibix]

A man was found dead in a vat of crushed chickpeas. Police say they are treating his death as hummuscide.

 

[WWGD]

A man was found dead in a vat of crushed chickpeas. Police say they are treating his death as hummuscide.

In a vat?( German pronunciation).

 

[Orodruin]

In a vat?( German pronunciation).

 

[jtbell]

Scottish women pulling their husbands out of the pub.

Whereas Finnish husbands carry their wives.

 

[berkeman]

Whereas Finnish husbands carry their wives.

Yikes! You know it's serious when the wives wear helmets!