Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

Bitte, nicht auf den Strudel stehen!

(Please don't stand on the strudel!)

 

[DaveC426913]

Bitte, nicht auf den Strudel stehen!

Please, don't stand for the whirlpool!

 

[jtbell]

^{Just whipped this up}

View attachment 351276

My department chairman once showed me a quiz that he had just given in his earth science class.

One question was "What is the difference between solar and lunar eclipses?"

One student wrote, "A solar eclipse is when the moon comes between the sun and the earth. A lunar eclipse is when the sun comes between the moon and the earth." There were matching diagrams.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

On hold, waiting for a response from tech support

 

[DrGreg]

On hold, waiting for a response from tech support

View attachment 351341

Switched off but couldn't switch on again.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

When technology arrives in small towns:

 

[Swamp Thing]

We shouldn't be surprised if this guy gets terminated with Epstein prejudice...

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/diddy-jail-first-meal-b2616035.html

 

[jtbell]

Why did the football coach cross the parking lot with his empty shopping cart at Aldi?

He wanted to get his quarterback.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[jtbell]

Have you ever noticed?

If you spell “absolutely nothing” backwards you get “gnihton yletulosba”, which means absolutely nothing!

 

[jtbell]

 

[WWGD]

Have you ever noticed?

If you spell “absolutely nothing” backwards you get “gnihton yletulosba”, which means absolutely nothing!

A palindrome.

 

[berkeman]

If you spell “absolutely nothing” backwards you get “gnihton yletulosba”, which means absolutely nothing!

 

[Borg]

It took me a while to realize what that post was good for.

 

[jack action]

It took me a while to realize what that post was good for.

Good God, y'all!

 

[DrGreg]

It took me a while to realize what that post was good for.

Minus 273 points.

 

[jtbell]

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

How do people go leaf-peeping in the fall?

In an autumn-mobile.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Hornbein]

Phys. Rev. B is growing faster than the speed of light. But that does not contradict special relativity because no information was conveyed​

 

[phinds]

Phys. Rev. B is growing faster than the speed of light. But that does not contradict special relativity because no information was conveyed​

reminds me of Nugatory's

I think this exchange HAS to rate at least an honorable mention. This has GOT to be the best set-up @Nugatory has seen in years:

Davenn: Well if you want to be that picky, all changes in the EM field ALSO propagate at the speed of light
phinds: As do comments by all us nitpickers here on PF
Nugatory: Those actually move at speeds faster than light, but there is no violation of relativity because they transfer no information.

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

Old joke. They asked this actress in SNL, if she was as stupid as she looked on TV.
Her reply; going along, self-mocking
" I don't know, I've never watched myself on TV"

 

[DrGreg]

When my girlfriend found the indoor trampoline I'd bought, she hit the roof.

 

[jtbell]

That zoo in Thailand is already thinking about where Moo Deng will go to college.

They're considering the hippocampus.

 

[nsaspook]

Guess the digits in the access code.

 

[collinsmark]

Guess the digits in the access code.
View attachment 351588

There's a puzzle nearly just like this in the video game "Life is Strange." Three digits in the number pad are worn, showing more use than the other digits. This narrows down the 3-digit code possibilities from 1000 to 6. You can then narrow that down further with trial and error, easily enough.

 

[Ibix]

Guess the digits in the access code.
View attachment 351588

Seen this in the wild. At least this one isn't 314...

 

[topsquark]

Seen this in the wild. At least this one isn't 314...

How did you get my password??

-Dan

 

[Ibix]

How did you get my password??

 

[jack action]

This narrows down the 3-digit code possibilities from 1000 to 6.

... and then you find out that it is a 6-digit code.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[phinds]

sad but likely true

 

[berkeman]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 351737

But I like devilled eggs! Does that make me a bad person?

-Dan

 

[berkeman]

But I like devilled eggs! Does that make me a bad person?

Apparently so. Before I saw that I probably would have been able to have some sympathy for you...

 

[Ibix]

TIL what devilled eggs look like. I only thought it was an eggsorcism.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 351759

I used to eat Lance a lot.