Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

View attachment 351779

Which Dave is that?

 

[DrGreg]

To be fair, they only said "we can...", they didn't say "we will..."!

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DrGreg]

I invented a thought-controlled investment account, which makes cents when you think about it.

 

[jtbell]

Inscription on a headstone in Oak Hill Cemetery in Georgetown, Washington DC:

WE FINALLY FOUND A PLACE TO PARK IN GEORGETOWN!

 

[Borg]

Rooting around on my computer and found these.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

OK, you all know about Led Zeppelin, right? Well, have you ever heard of Wood Zeppelin?

 

[BillTre]

 

[dwarde]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 351777

But seriously, the feeling of boredom could be the brain's counterpart to hunger... a stimulus for activity and exploration, leading to satisfaction of curiosity and potentially useful learning.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[BillTre]

I named a wild type zebrafish line Nadia after the town in India where the fish were collected.
I was also on a softball team named "Nads" so we could use that cheer.
!!!

 

[Swamp Thing]

a wild type zebrafish line Nadia

For many years, New Scientist magazine ran a lighthearted column that featured funny science anecdotes, jokes and other stuff in that category. One running joke was the idea (and I think they coined this term) of "nominative determinism". That is, the supposed tendency of people to gravitate to professional fields that resonate with their name in some way.

Well, I just googled "nadia zebrafish" and found this:

https://www.anatomie.unibe.ch/about_us/management/detail/index_eng.php?id=449

The good professor, whose first name is Nadia, makes it her business to study embryonic development processes in Zebrafish.

 

[BillTre]

Interesting @Swamp Thing, I never thought of it as a person's name, but then there's Nadia C..

 

[DennisN]

 

[Swamp Thing]

For many years, New Scientist magazine ran a lighthearted column that featured funny science anecdotes, jokes and other stuff in that category. One running joke was the idea (and I think they coined this term) of "nominative determinism".

Nominative determinism has its own page on Wikipedia... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nominative_determinism

And even the staid British Medical Journal permits itself a little chuckle about how...

The surnames of urologists Splatt and Weedon first alerted doctors to the delights of nominative determinism, described by Wikipedia as the theory that a person’s name can have a significant role in determining key aspects of their job, profession, or even character. Hours of harmless fun have followed, as specialty lists have been pored over in search of names that fit the job.

 

[jrmichler]

Every high school student who did not like physics would appreciate the name of the author of this physics book. It has a copyright date of 1945. I keep it as a reminder of how much physics has, and has not, changed in the last 75+ years. It's also my father's old textbook from when he was in tech school in 1949.

A high school physics teacher with his name would need a really thick skin.

 

[Ibix]

There's a classic textbook called "Police Law", about U.K. law but designed for use by police rather than lawyers. In a case of nominative anti-determinism, it's written by a fellow by the name of Moriarty.

 

[WWGD]

I asked in the video store* to rent the hit show by Liam Neeson. They told me it was taken. Then I asked for the sequel, and they told me it was taken too.

* To my surprise , some still exist.
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/85304/18-awesome-video-stores-are-still-open-business

 

[WWGD]

There's a classic textbook called "Police Law", about U.K. law but designed for use by police rather than lawyers. In a case of nominative anti-determinism, it's written by a fellow by the name of Moriarty.

And, more confusing, it was written inside of a bottle. By someone lonely, I gather.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 352008

They come in mixed flavors too!

 

[Orodruin]

They come in mixed flavors too!

Yes, these are only the interaction eigenstates. Propagation mixes them and creates new unholy superpositions.

 

[Borg]

Like vaccines causing climate change on the moon?

 

[davenn]

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"
The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The AirBus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."
The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
Dedicated to all my senior friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.

 

[Mayhem]

When you're doing energy storage research and you read the 100th "The world is burning, here's our measly attempt at solving it" article of the day.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 352023

Not any more it ain't necessarily so no more....



Dear Moderators: This video is just a bit political, but probably not really objectionable vis a vis forum guidelines; please keep or delete at your discretion.

 

[jtbell]

Quoth the raven at the campfire, once upon a midnight dreary:

"Never s'mores."

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

How do you make a man appreciate art?
Put it on the middle of a golf course.

 

[Swamp Thing]

Spoiler

Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and saint, and heard great argument
About it and about: but evermore
Came out by the same door as in I went.
-- Omar Khayyam, The Rubaiyyat[/size]

Myself when young did eagerly check out
Grifter and troll, and heard great argument
About it and about: but evermore
Swiped away as sure as on I tapped.

 

[topsquark]

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife!
(Anon)

-Dan

 

[Ibix]

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife!
(Anon)

-Dan

Ogden Nash, I think.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

I asked a hard of hearing caddy for a Sand Wedge. He brought me a Turkey on Rye.

 

[Swamp Thing]

There is a YouTuber with a channel called CruisingTheCut, all about canal boating. The channel is nice in many ways, one of them being his thumbnail puns.

For example, I rather like this recent one:

"I went on a cruise to Norway on a GIGANTIC ship (P&O Iona, September 2024)"

 

[phinds]

I'm SO glad I'm married because I used to just smash into the backs of cars before I had someone to scream and gasp when a car a thousand feet ahead of me hit the brakes.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Mayhem]

I'm SO glad I'm married because I used to just smash into the backs of cars before I had someone to scream and gasp when a car a thousand feet ahead of me hit the brakes.

Smashing random trunks is indeed an endeavor reserved for the unmarried.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

 

[dextercioby]