Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
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  • #2,102
  • #2,103
Jimmy Snyder said:
I read that joke before, but it was called the widest joke in the world.

:smile: :smile: :smile:

oh god
 
  • #2,104
Borg said:
I think that the margin of error is likely to be pretty large for a poll of one.

I am in the early stages of Alzheimers, and have already forgotten nearly everything I've read.

If I read it again, and analyze it again, does that cut the margin of error in half?
 
  • #2,105
Lancelot59 said:
So does seven.

So does 3+4n rights.
 
  • #2,106
When in a cold room,which part of the room would you go to?



The corner. Because its 90 degrees.
 
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  • #2,107
There's a paradox about a barber in a town who only shaves people
who don't shave themselves.


Anyway, when this barber shaves a person, what does he use?



He uses Occam's Razor.


--------------------------------------------------------------------


And when the barber trims someone's hair and parts it in certain ways,
what is he doing?




He is making Dedekind Cuts.
 
  • #2,108
These are the jokes I sometimes get... Mind you... Yes I am blonde. Doesn't mean I like them tho, lol.
 
  • #2,109
checkitagain said:
There's a paradox about a barber in a town who only shaves people
who don't shave themselves.


Anyway, when this barber shaves a person, what does he use?



He uses Occam's Razor.

Isn't that barber female?
So she does not need to apply that Razor to herself.
 
  • #2,110
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotchman walk into a bar.

The barman says to them, "Is this some sort of joke?"
 
  • #2,111
rollcast said:
a Scotchman walk into a bar.

Say "Scotch" only when you're thirsty, mon. :smile:
 
  • #2,112
Why is ten times two the same as two times eleven?

Because ten times two is twenty, and two times eleven is twenty, too.
 
  • #2,113
I made a wooden car with a wooden engine and wooden wheels but it wooden go.
 
  • #2,115
What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat broccoli!

What is Mozart doing now?
decomposing.
 
  • #2,116
QuarkCharmer said:
So does 3+4n rights.

I was just about to post that... lol

Reminds me of (a joke that might already be here) the mathematician who scolds his kids "I've I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times!"
 
  • #2,118
Bad math joke told to me by a physics grad student over spring break:

Halfway through a recent airplane flight from Warsaw to New York, there was nearly a major disaster when the flight crew got sick from eating the fish. After they had passed out, one of the flight attendants asked over the intercom if there were any pilots in the cabin.

An elderly gentleman, who had flown a bit in the war, raised his hand and was rushed into the cockpit of the 747. When he got there, took the seat, and saw all the displays and controls, he realized he was in over his head. He told the flight attendant that he didn't think he could fly this plane. When asked why not, he replied,

"I am just a simple Pole in a complex plane"
 
  • #2,119
I've told you a million times - don't hyperbolize!
 
  • #2,120
A barber is busily working away when a young man pops his head into the shop and asks how long it will be until he can get his hair cut. “About two hours”, say the barber. “Alright, thanks.” says the young man, who then leaves and never returns for his hair cut. About a week later he pops in again and asks how long until he can get a cut. The barber indicated that he would be ready in about an hour, so again the young man left and didn’t return. A few weeks later he shows up again with the same question. “I can get you in in about three hours” says the barber, and again the young man leaves. So this time the barber asked his associate to follow the young man and see where he goes. He wants to know why he keeps losing the young man’s business. “He’s probably going to that new place up the street”, the barber mumbles. His associate leaves and returns a time later. “So where is he going?, asked the barber. “To meet your wife” replies the associate.
 
  • #2,121
A man goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor I think I've got hereditory diarrhea"
The doctor says, "Why do you think that?"
The man replies, "Because its in my jeans!"
 
  • #2,122
Husband wakes up his wife.
- I brought you a pill for your headache.
- I don't have a headache!
- Gotcha!
 
  • #2,123
One for the ladies on the forums ;)

If you were an angle, you'd be acute one :blushing:
 
  • #2,124
I was following this truck driver on the highway for a while and he kept stopping, getting out and tapping the side of his truck with a pipe and getting back in. A few minutes later, he stopped, got out, rapped on the metal sided truck and then got back in again! Every few minutes he would get out and repeat this. I was curious, so I pulled up beside him and asked, "Hey, why do you keep doing that?". He replied "I've got a 3 ton truck and 6 tons of chickens back there, I need to keep half of them flying".
 
  • #2,125
I tried to invent a TV recorder using milk, it didn't work very well the first time, all I got was a load of white noise.

The second time round it worked so I decided to watch it although I didn't spend to long on it, I just skimmed through it.
 
  • #2,126
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
 
  • #2,127
lisab said:
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

:smile:
 
  • #2,128
A friend of mine found a mis-subtitled video the other day that had "Brownie in motion" instead of "brownian motion."

It's not a joke yet, but it could be...
 
  • #2,129
dkotschessaa said:
A friend of mine found a mis-subtitled video the other day that had "Brownie in motion" instead of "brownian motion."

It's not a joke yet, but it could be...

hmmm... wasn't sure if a "pen is broken" joke was appropriate, but I'll push the envelope.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/485368_405063019523157_205344452828349_1469099_478178142_n.jpg
 
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  • #2,130
OmCheeto said:
hmmm... wasn't sure if a "pen is broken" joke was appropriate, but I'll push the envelope.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/485368_405063019523157_205344452828349_1469099_478178142_n.jpg

I think it's fine. It's also quite amusing.
 
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  • #2,131
OmCheeto said:
hmmm... wasn't sure if a "pen is broken" joke was appropriate, but I'll push the envelope.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/485368_405063019523157_205344452828349_1469099_478178142_n.jpg

The adolescent in me likes that :biggrin:.
 
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  • #2,132
I m not sure this is a joke. But last week I was having a hard day and I go to my psychiatrist and lie down and start telling my story. He meanwhile is busily taking notes. Then at one point he leans over and asks: "Say, is 'nut job' hyphenated?"
 
  • #2,133
mathwonk said:
I m not sure this is a joke. But last week I was having a hard day and I go to my psychiatrist and lie down and start telling my story. He meanwhile is busily taking notes. Then at one point he leans over and asks: "Say, is 'nut job' hyphenated?"

:smile: That was definitely a joke!

This one, not so sure...but I like it :devil::

Two psychiatrists were coming into the office one morning. They exchanged morning greetings, and one said to the other, "I made the funniest Freudian slip this morning!" The other said, "Oh what was it?" He replied, "Well, I meant to say, 'Sweetheart, will you please pass the strawberry jam?', but what I actually said was, 'Damn you, you ruined my life!'"
 
  • #2,134
Have you heard about the psychiatrist and proctologist who opened a joint practice? They named it "Odds and Ends."
 
  • #2,135
jtbell said:
Have you heard about the psychiatrist and proctologist who opened a joint practice?

There is a genuine partnership of UK solicitors (= US attorneys) called Moody and Woolley.
http://www.moodyandwoolley.co.uk/
 
  • #2,136
  • #2,137
If Megaupload is down, does that mean that Megadownload is up?
 
  • #2,138
jtbell said:
Have you heard about the psychiatrist and proctologist who opened a joint practice?
Isn't that a paradox?
 
  • #2,139
IMP said:
http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/397557_308600239173774_100000714007923_1004846_1697206467_n.jpg

Laughed so hard.
 
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  • #2,140
A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't.
 
  • #2,141
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
 
  • #2,142
Today's math joke:

Two male mathematicians are in a bar.

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics.

The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.

He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.

She repeats `one thir -- dex cue'? He repeats `one third x cubed'.

Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, `one thir dex cuebd...'.

The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math.

He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.

The second man calls over the waitress and asks `what is the integral of x squared?'.

The waitress says `one third x cubed' and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder `plus a constant'!
 
  • #2,143
dkotschessaa said:
Today's math joke:

Two male mathematicians are in a bar.

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics.

The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.

He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.

She repeats `one thir -- dex cue'? He repeats `one third x cubed'.

Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, `one thir dex cuebd...'.

The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math.

He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.

The second man calls over the waitress and asks `what is the integral of x squared?'.

The waitress says `one third x cubed' and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder `plus a constant'!

Like! :)
 
  • #2,144
Why does everyone like the mushroom?
Because he's such a fungi.
 
  • #2,145
Remember, grammar is the difference between, "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse," and "I helped my uncle jack off a horse."
 
  • #2,146
3719183_460s.jpg
 
  • #2,147
Even in 3D, they didn't see that iceburg coming :(
 
  • #2,148
AlephZero said:
There is a genuine partnership of UK solicitors (= US attorneys) called Moody and Woolley.
http://www.moodyandwoolley.co.uk/

Just down the street from Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, I'll wager.
 
  • #2,149
How to distinguish between a psychiatrist and a psychologist:

Present her with a chess problem.

If she starts talking to the black king, she's a psychologist.
If she removes the pieces, and repositions them in the order they should be, she's a psychiatrist.
 
  • #2,150
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
 

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