Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

Switzerland has the most attractive weather forecast​

 

[nsaspook]

 

[jtbell]

Thinking about breaking into my car? Better think twice…

 

[DaveC426913]

Thinking about breaking into my car? Better think twice…

View attachment 360909

Well as long as we're playing that game...

^{(Yes I took this pic myself, and no it's not faked.)}

 

[jack action]

And now back to the classics:

 

[symbolipoint]

In case persons of a native language other than English, proPERTY ASSESsment online (post #21757)

 

[256bits]

In case persons of a native language other than English, proPERTY ASSESsment online (post #21757)

Solve the puzzle, or spin for a letter?
I'll solve Pat.

 

[jtbell]

If you don’t really know how to make cheese, but invent the process as you go along, what do you call the result?

Improvolone.

 

[WWGD]

Rapper 50 cent finally found his long-lost twin. They'll form a new band: "Dollar".

 

[BillTre]

 

[DaveC426913]

Did you know Yoda has a last name?

Spoiler: It's

Layheehoo

 

[jack action]

[sky-diving]
INSTRUCTOR: Pull your shute!
ME: My shoe?
INSTRUCTOR: Your parachute!
ME: My pair of shoes?
[later]
CORONER: Where are his shoes?

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 360955

A propos, Kennedy. On June, 23th 1963, Kennedy spoke in Berlin and thrilled the masses by saying

"Ich bin in Berliner!"​

(I am a Berliner) on German. However, this was not grammatically correct. He should have omitted the indefinite article. What he actually said was basically

"I am a doughnut!"​

Well, not exactly a doughnut, but the German correspondence to a doughnut:

​

 

[WWGD]

 

[Arjan82]

A propos, Kennedy. On June, 23th 1963, Kennedy spoke in Berlin and thrilled the masses by saying

"Ich bin in Berliner!"​

(I am a Berliner) on German. However, this was not grammatically correct. He should have omitted the indefinite article. What he actually said was basically

"I am a doughnut!"
​

Well, I thought you were German (or at least have German as native language) right? Because me, as a Dutchman, think this is not correct. Or, actually, that the sentence 'Ich bin ein Berliner' is actually grammatically correct (but has a double meaning). Saying 'Ich bin Berliner' would mean he is actually from Berlin, which is not correct. And, I've understood that those cakes are actually called 'Pfannkuchen' in Berlin. And the name outside of Berlin became 'Berliner Pfannkuchen' or 'Berliner' in short.

 

[fresh_42]

Well, I thought you were German (or at least have German as native language) right?

So?

Because me, as a Dutchman, think this is not correct. Or, actually, that the sentence 'Ich bin ein Berliner' is actually grammatically correct (but has a double meaning). Saying 'Ich bin Berliner' would mean he is actually from Berlin, which is not correct. And, I've understood that those cakes are actually called 'Pfannkuchen' in Berlin. And the name outside of Berlin became 'Berliner Pfannkuchen' or 'Berliner' in short.

"Ich bin Berliner" means being a citizen, as he probably intended to say. "Ein (a) Berliner" is either a doughnut or a citizen. The pastry has many different local names, but Berliner is its official one, besides Krapfen. Yes, you can point to the double meaning, and the pastry is called "Pfannkuchen in Berlin, but saying it without the article would have made it unambiguous; with it leaves the door open. This is the "Lame Jokes" thread and not a linguistic thread, so my interpretation was a bit exaggerated.

Strictly speaking, does the article indicate an element of a set (citizen or pastry), and the version without it refers to a property. Since Kennedy was neither a citizen nor had the property of being a citizen, both versions are factually wrong.

Btw, "ein Amerikaner" (an american) is a pastry, too.

 

[WWGD]

How about " Ich bin ein Hamburger"? Or " Ich bin ein Frankfurter"?

 

[fresh_42]

How about " Ich bin ein Hamburger"? Or " Ich bin ein Frankfurter"?

Same, although Frankfurter is normally only used in combination with the word for sausage. There are other local foods named "Frankfurter". They are all harmless. But you should avoid saying "Ich bin ein Pariser".

 

[gmax137]

This is the "Lame Jokes" thread and not a linguistic thread

How about " Ich bin ein Hamburger"? Or " Ich bin ein Frankfurter"?

Spot on @WWGD , lol

 

[berkeman]

 

[Bandersnatch]

"I am a doughnut!"

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 361041​

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780312274337/dountoothers/.

 

[DaveC426913]

/dountoothers

Expecting a book called Doun Toothers.

 

[WWGD]

Expecting a book called Doun Toothers.

I thought you were DaveC4 - 26913.

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

If Arnold Schwarzenegger takes up a new career ridding the houses of the rich and famous from bugs and other pests, he could call himself the Ex-Terminator.

 

[WWGD]

If Arnold Schwarzenegger takes up a new career ridding the houses of the rich and famous from bugs and other pests, he could call himself the Ex-Terminator.

He may be re-playing " Omlette"(Hamlet)

 

[WWGD]

After opening up the electrical plant: " Power to the People!".

 

[jtbell]

Why did the duck cross the road?

Because there were too many quacks in the sidewalk.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Ibix]

After opening up the electrical plant: " Power to the People!".

It's in the papers under "current affairs".

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DaveC426913]

It's in the papers under "current affairs".

That's revolting.

 

[phinds]

A dangerous new virus is being distributed electronically. It is called the Worm Overload Recreation Killer (WORK). You can get WORK from your boss or colleagues. Do not touch it. The virus will wipe out your private life.

If you come into contact with WORK, there are two antidotes. You can purchase Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). They're available at your local grocery store.

Take repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated. Forward this warning to five friends. If you don't have five friends, you're already infected with WORK and it is controlling your life.

 

[Ibix]

That's revolting.

Watt do you mean?

 

[WWGD]

Why did the duck cross the road?

View attachment 361057

Because there were too many quacks in the sidewalk.

It happened right after I did my search in "DuckDuckGo" https://duckduckgo.com/

 

[Borg]

Watt do you mean?

It doesn't take Sherlock Ohms to figure it out.

 

[WWGD]

It's in the papers under "current affairs".

Please don't tell my gf about mine !

 

[renormalize]

View attachment 361115

Resistance to change

 

[DennisN]

Resistance to change
View attachment 361117

Ohm my god...

 

[Ibix]

How many pushups does Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

 

[DennisN]

How many pushups does Chuck Norris do?

None. Pushups do Chuck Norris.