Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 304750

I and my friends have a habit of sending each other funny Google map locations from time to time. Honestly, most of them wouldn't be suitable to post on this forum due to profanities and silly, immature stuff, but we've had great laughs over the years. :)

Here's one that is suitable to post on PF.
It's a restaurant I found in Singapore, which apparently has excellent reviews. But I don't trust it, it doesn't feel right:

https://maps.app.goo.gl/Q3Q29j8MradNJeKH9

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 304829

Related: this, from way earlier in the thread.

 

[Orodruin]

Related: this, from way earlier in the thread.

One of my professors told a much longer version of that one in class …

 

[Ibix]

One of my professors told a much longer version of that one in class …

I heard a longer version from my dad a long time ago, too. According to Wikipedia the first log table was compiled by Briggs in 1617, and I suspect this joke dates to about fifteen minutes after that...

 

[Orodruin]

I heard a longer version from my dad a long time ago, too. According to Wikipedia the first log table was compiled by Briggs in 1617, and I suspect this joke dates to about fifteen minutes after that...

My professor’s version just included logs. A long winded story with Noah repeatedly returning to see how the animals were doing - no baby snakes. He asks the snakes if he can help them and they tell him he can cut down a couple of trees at the edge of the forest. Noah doesn’t want to pry into the personal affairs of snakes so he just does what they say and returns a week later. Sure enough, lots of baby snakes. Now Noah’s curiosity gets the better of him so he asks why the snakes needed him to cut down the trees, receiving the answer:
- You know, we are adders, we need logs to multiply.

 

[Orodruin]

Speaking of insects:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

A long winded story with Noah repeatedly returning to see how the animals were doing - no baby snakes. He asks the snakes if he can help them

That sounds like my dad's version, and it can be spun out indefinitely by describing Noah chatting with the animals. But in this version the snakes complain about a lack of privacy for... you know, and nowhere to raise the little ones. So Noah chops down a tree and builds them a small cabin and some furniture, and when he comes back the next time he's knee-deep in baby snakes because adders can multiply if they have log tables.

 

[phinds]

I actually had to stop and think about this one

 

[Ibix]

My school magazine once had a list of excuses for not handing in your homework, allegedly tested on various teachers known to have a sense of humour. The only one that they claimed had worked was "I'd just finished my homework when terrorists burst into the house and demanded I hand over my homework or my sister. Naturally I gave them the little brat, but while I was distracted the dog ate my homework."

 

[OCR]

I actually had to stop and think about this one

Lol. . .

I got it right away.

.

 

[pinball1970]

I actually had to stop and think about this one
View attachment 304843

I got there in the end

 

[berkeman]

I actually had to stop and think about this one

Well, since phinds is, well, a dog, and he often sends the Mentors reports about misplaced homework threads (including Mentor fresh_42), my mind went somewhere else at first.

But I got there in the end too.

 

[fresh_42]

Well, since phinds is, well, a dog, and he often sends the Mentors reports about misplaced homework threads (including Mentor fresh_42), my mind went somewhere else at first.

But I got there in the end too.

Ît is far more likely that my goat eats homework than any dog!

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

Yes, why? What could possibly go wrong?

 

[DennisN]

Early joy killing:

 

[fresh_42]

Early joy killing:

View attachment 305059

McCoy: The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe. [ST-IV, The Voyage Home]

 

[BillTre]