Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

New IRS tax code:

How much did you make?
OK, send it in.

 

[davenn]

 

[DaveC426913]

Herdee floopin'!!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[symbolipoint]

Somebody needs to create a cartoon expressing or showing a dog or cat named Alexa.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 362964

You can baptize your hands again on exit of the porn shop.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

Upon seeing the legs of the woman boss, an employee said: "Somewhere in the world there's a piano with one of its legs missing."

 

[Borg]

Chick-fil-A is a weird name. It sounds like a cannibal getting ready for dinner.

 

[WWGD]

Chick-fil-A is a weird name. It sounds like a cannibal getting ready for dinner.

Or food for Godz-illa.

 

[Borg]

Or food for Godz-illa.

Not illa, more like filet.

 

[Borg]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 362973

So the Soylent Green bit was true!

 

[renormalize]

View attachment 362973

Could be OK if they consider the poultry to be part of their team.

 

[WWGD]

Could be OK if they consider the poultry to be part of their team.

And the menu reads like poultry in motion!

 

[fresh_42]

And the menu reads like poultry in motion!

Ouch!

 

[WWGD]

Ouch!

I'll take it as a compliment in the lame jokes section :).

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 362975

A cautionary tail.

 

[dwarde]

 

[jedishrfu]

Or we could rename Siri as Kitty and then we can say "Here Kitty, Kitty!"

 

[WWGD]

 

[renormalize]

 

[Mayhem]

My psychiatrist insists I'm dyslexic, racist with germophobic tendencies.

How dare he! My best friend is Austrian.

 

[DaveC426913]

My psychiatrist insists I'm dyslexic, racist with germophobic tendencies.

How dare he! My best friend is Austrian.

I don't get the germophobe angle.

 

[Mayhem]

I don't get the germophobe angle.

Germophobe could easily be misread as Germanphobe, and racists will (stereotypically) negate their racism by claiming relations to someone of a different race (not necessarily, and often not, the race they were criticizing). Hence the mapping to Austrian.

 

[DaveC426913]

Hey! Check it out! Man-OverBoard poles for bikes!

Do you think they use the 'Quick Turn' technique for retrieval or the 'Figure Eight'?

I guess it depends on how much windage the bike gets when hove-to.

 

[jedishrfu]

My classmate and I demonstrated the Barn Pole paradox. I drew the two barn doors on the blackboard, and he pretended to run at them. He was Polish.

(True story, after that, no one in Modern Physics class had a clear understanding of the paradox, but we had a lot of fun demonstrating it. We changed Special Relativity that day.)

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 362970

See also this Loading Artist comic.

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[TensorCalculus]

does this fit under the "lame jokes" category?

 

[Ibix]

does this fit under the "lame jokes" category? View attachment 363017

I am told this is one of the reasons NATO developed a standard reporting language. Some time during the Korean war an American commander failed to recognise that a British officer reporting being in "a sticky situation" meant the same level of desperation as an American officer reporting "we're all gonna die!" (i.e., completely out of ammo and being overrun) and basically ignored the message instead of urgently enquiring after the details and doing something.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 363018

What's the difference between a language and a dialect? A language is just a dialect which developed an army and navy.

 

[TensorCalculus]

I am told this is one of the reasons NATO developed a standard reporting language. Some time during the Korean war an American commander failed to recognise that a British officer reporting being in "a sticky situation" meant the same level of desperation as an American officer reporting "we're all gonna die!" (i.e., completely out of ammo and being overrun) and basically ignored the message instead of urgently enquiring after the details and doing something.

The worst part is, as a Brit, I'm not even surprised

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]