Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 362392

Maybe it's a palindrome - the same either way round.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 362416

It reminds me of a press conference by The Beatles. When asked how they found America, IIRC, John Lennon answered: "We went to Greenland and made a left turn."

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 362428

We pronounce it: Rezept, das.

But it means something else: recipe, and prescription (which you receive). I assume the same word for both dates back to times when the pharmacist had to "cook" the drugs like a chef does. Both follow what is written on a list by someone else.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 362431

<spergtalk>
A lot of the appeal in this pic is how the frogs on the left and right have their eyeballs turned towards the camera. Either because the light comes in from that direction, or because the photographer's movements drew their attention.
</spergtalk>

Edit: Plus, the frog on the right has that feature at the end of its mouth, that makes it look like the Amazon smile. (Is there a technical term for that feature?)

 

[256bits]

They don't look anything like long legged Kermit.
Instead, they appear to be a gang of muscled up toads.

 

[davenn]

 

[DennisN]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender: "Is this stool taken?".

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 362525

I am reminded of a Goon Show episode where they have to cross a jungle. They come to a river and build a raft, then portage the raft to the next river, where they have to build a bigger raft because now they have to get themselves and the first raft across.

In both cases they observe that the river is on the map, note that it shouldn't be on the map, and pour it back into its banks. Then notice that it would have been easier to cross the dry riverbed first.

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 362620

In every printer is a musician waiting for a Jam session.

 

[DennisN]

 

[Borg]

I'm sure that both would be happy to take your money.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

"A doctor gave his patient six months to live... but he couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."

-- Henny Youngman

("And when you do go... take my wife... please.")

 

[jtbell]

"If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet."

-- Redd Foxx

 

[dextercioby]

 

[sbrothy]

When my Italian grandpa would ask: " Are we eating pasta today." Me: " No, Nonno.".

Had to look that up to get the point!

 

[BillTre]

 

[DaveC426913]

"Nor can it judge you. That's for your Facebook friends to do. "

 

[jrmichler]

Saw this on a business trip to Kentucky some years ago.

 

[Ibix]

Add graffiti: Magritte woz 'ere

 

[jtbell]

To me, the sign above the door says “exits are to the left and right.”

 

[gmax137]

To me, the sign above the door says “exits are to the left and right.”

Oh, I thought that was bra-ket notation
<EX | T>

 

[Ibix]

To me, the sign above the door says “exits are to the left and right.”

Could be. Wouldn't be the worst sign layout I've seen, but if that's the intention the arrows are very small for an emergency sign.

 

[fresh_42]

Saw this on a business trip to Kentucky some years ago. View attachment 362699

Only Schrödinger may exit through this door.

 

[DaveC426913]

Oh, I thought that was bra-ket notation
<EX | T>

See uncropped pic. Its actually HTML.

 

[fresh_42]

Sara, what's the weather going to be like tomorrow?
Who's Sara?
Oh, sorry, I meant Siri, of course. So, Siri, what's the weather going to be like tomorrow?
Maybe that b**** Sara knows what your sh**** weather will be like tomorrow.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 362705

Also: GREAT show! A must watch!

 

[WWGD]

Also: GREAT show! A must watch!

Who's "A" ?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

Only Schrödinger may exit through this door.

And simultaneously not exit.