Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #15,996
DrGreg said:
I'm more interested in currant affairs.
That comment was out of lime.

-Dan
 
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Physics news on Phys.org
  • #15,997
Tourists flocked to the National Park when it was announced that Death Valley may hit a high temp of 130 degrees F.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...t-Earths-hottest-temperature-131F-Sunday.html

1689550772790.png


I think this is clear evidence that tourism is a form of insanity!
 
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  • #15,998
I recently discovered the word tourons which is a portmanteau of tourist and morons. I think this fits nicely in that category.
 
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  • #15,999
 
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  • #16,001
1689671969678.png
 
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  • #16,002
1689672401707.png
 
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  • #16,003
ohwilleke said:
I was a theoretical golfer. I read golf books but couldn't be bothered to play the game.
 
  • #16,004
kuruman said:
Screen shot excerpt from an online questionnaire I was required to fill out for jury duty. Trick question?

View attachment 324813
Many people can read but not write.
 
  • #16,005
Screenshot 2023-07-18 at 12.00.00 PM.png
 
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  • #16,006
BillTre said:
I've just finished writing an "it's been six weeks, where is my refund" email. That cheered me up - thanks!
 
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  • #16,007
"How come you get sick only on workdays?"

"I have a weekend immune system."
 
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  • #16,008
jtbell said:
"How come you get sick only on workdays?"
The same reason that Monday morning is the most common time to have a heart attack?
 
  • #16,009
Ivan Seeking said:
The same reason that Monday morning is the most common time to have a heart attack?
Is that true?
 
  • #16,010
berkeman said:
Is that true?
Yes. They occur most commonly in the morning, apparently due to blood chemistry changes through the night. But they also occur most often on Monday.
 
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  • #16,011
berkeman said:
Is that true?
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informations...news/behind-the-headlines/heart-attack-monday
The researchers found there was a notable increase in the rate of STEMI heart attacks at the start of the working week, with rates highest on a Monday (a 13 per cent increase). They also saw higher than expected rates of STEMI on Sundays.

The exact reason behind this “Blue Monday” effect isn’t yet known. Past studies showing a greater likelihood of heart attacks at the start of the week have suggested a link with the body's circadian rhythm, which governs our sleep and wake cycles.
 
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  • #16,012
Thank you @renormalize and @Ivan Seeking I did not know about this...

Published 9 June 2023

According to new research presented at the British Cardiovascular Society (BCS) conference in Manchester, serious heart attacks are more likely to occur on a Monday compared to other days of the week.

The study, by doctors from the Belfast Health and Social Care Trust and the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland, examined the records of 10,528 patients admitted to hospitals across the island of Ireland (including the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland).

These patients had been admitted between 2013 and 2018 for the most severe type of heart attack, known as an ST-segment elevation myocardial infarction (STEMI). This happens when a major coronary artery, which supplies blood to your heart, becomes completely blocked. Without emergency care, STEMIs can be fatal.

Each year in the UK, more than 30,000 people are admitted to hospital with a STEMI. They need immediate assessment and treatment to minimise damage to their hearts. This typically involves emergency angioplasty and stent(s), a procedure to reopen the blocked coronary artery and get blood flowing to the heart again.

The researchers found there was a notable increase in the rate of STEMI heart attacks at the start of the working week, with rates highest on a Monday (a 13 per cent increase). They also saw higher than expected rates of STEMI on Sundays.

The exact reason behind this “Blue Monday” effect isn’t yet known. Past studies showing a greater likelihood of heart attacks at the start of the week have suggested a link with the body's circadian rhythm, which governs our sleep and wake cycles.
 
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  • #16,013
Ivan Seeking said:
Yes. They occur most commonly in the morning, apparently due to blood chemistry changes through the night. But they also occur most often on Monday.
Jeez ... hell of a way to get out of going to work that week.
 
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  • #16,014
phinds said:
Jeez ... hell of a way to get out of going to work that week.
I can imagine some people saying "Thank God. No more Mondays ever!"
 
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  • #16,015
I've always thought that was true because I thought that I had read it years ago.
 
  • #16,017
Screenshot 2023-07-18 at 7.45.04 PM.png


That's Mr. Ed, the talking horse.
 
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  • #16,019
A horse is a horse, of course of course
mumble mumble mumble mumble
mumble mumble mumble mumble
is the famous Mister Ed !
 
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  • #16,020
hmmm27 said:
A horse is a horse, of course of course
mumble mumble mumble mumble
mumble mumble mumble mumble
is the famous Mister Ed !
A host is a host from coast to coast
and no one will talk to the host that's close.
Unless the host (that isn't close)
is busy, hung or dead.

[Attributed to David Lesher, circa 1986]
 
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  • #16,021
jbriggs444 said:
is busy, hung or dead.
..., also, "crippled, crashed, or...."
 
  • #16,022
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  • #16,023
How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Exactly how it sounds.

(That might be on here somewhere, already.)

-Dan
 
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  • #16,024
"Hello, this is Gino's Pizzeria. Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like one 16-inch super supreme, please."

"OK, one 16-inch super supreme. Would you like that delivered?"

"Yes, please. I hate liver."
 
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  • #16,025
Screenshot_20230718_172045_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #16,026
topsquark said:
How do you spell onomatopoeia?

Exactly how it sounds.

(That might be on here somewhere, already.)

-Dan
Part of some fixed point theorem ;).
 
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  • #16,027
Saw this ad, wondered what the issue was with the lady in pink, second from the right. I guess simething like
Screenshot_20230719_135246_Samsung Internet.jpg
" I'm the director's wife/daughter , and I can't be bothered"
 
  • #16,028
Ibix said:
Scientists have recently turned back time. Turns out you get "emit".

(Respect to Colin Mochrie)
Why? You're making a Mochrie of Colin/Niloc ;).
 
  • #16,029
FB_IMG_1689793177450.jpg
 
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  • #16,030
topsquark said:
How do you spell onomatopoeia?
onomatopoeia
 
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