Collection of Lame Jokes

[Darken-Sol]

stop me if you've herd this one... how is the enterprise like toilet paper? they go to uranus and wipe out klingons.

 

[Isaacsname]

What does "quit" mean?



------

What do aerospace and geometry zombies say?

" Plllaaaannneeeesss "

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Don't name your horse Charlie.
You'll get a charlie-horse.

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Astronaut: I've been to Saturn and back!
Skeptic: What are trying to pull now?
Astronaut: Some more gee's.

k...how 'bout Humphrey Bogart as a zombie ?

Daaaammmmeeessss

 

[Isaacsname]

A Feynman zombie ?

Path Integraaaaaaals

 

[DaveC426913]

A Feynman zombie ?

Path Integraaaaaaals

Monty Python zombies?
Wankel Rotary Eeeeeeeeengines

Wait. Maybe there's a limit.

 

[Isaacsname]

Monty Python zombies?
Wankel Rotary Eeeeeeeeengines

Wait. Maybe there's a limit.

Only if you define it

 

[jtbell]

A Feynman zombie ?

Path Integraaaaaaals

Or playing the bongos: bonk........bonk........bonk.......bonk........bonk.........

 

[Isaacsname]

Or playing the bongos: bonk........bonk........bonk.......bonk........bonk.........

Hahaha. Seriously.

I know he would have laughed at that. Listening to Susskind's TED talk about Feynman makes me wish I could have met him.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Wait. Maybe there's a limit.

This is Lame Jokes. There is no limit.

 

[micromass]

This is Lame Jokes. There is no limit.

Sure there is a limit: good jokes

 

[Isaacsname]

Sure there is a limit: good jokes

As we all know, it's just a matter of bad taste...errr...good taste...no...wait...

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

As we all know, it's just a matter of bad taste...errr...good taste...no...wait...

ehehe.

 

[jhae2.718]

The key is to make sure $\forall jokes \in thread: |good joke - joke| \not< \varepsilon$.

 

[IMP]

You know, a police officer actually complimented me on my driving today. He left a little note on my windshield, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

 

[lisab]

You know, a police officer actually complimented me on my driving today. He left a little note on my windshield, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

Oh nice...sooooo lame...!

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

This thread is so lame.
Lame, I'm telling you, lame!
Insanely, crazily, stupendously lame!
Terrificly, gigantically, stellarly lame!
Ok, I should stop now.
Because I'm getting lame.
Really, really, lame.
Yeah, I'm getting lame.
Did I say lame?
Ok, ok, I better stop now.
Or it'll get even more lame--

 

[drizzle]

You know, a police officer actually complimented me on my driving today. He left a little note on my windshield, it said "Parking Fine".

So that was nice.

 

[jtbell]

You know, a police officer actually complimented me on my driving today. He left a little note on my windshield, it said "Parking Fine".

Are you sure that was a compliment on your driving?

 

[IMP]

Are you sure that was a compliment?

It was a compliment. He was so impressed with my parking skills he wanted me to go talk to a judge, I guess to share my awesome driving skills. The judge was also very impressed, he said something about "service to the community" or maybe it was "community service"...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance,
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience".
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. ."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,
it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"CRAP!" said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center .

 

[drizzle]

OMG!

 

[IMP]

HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance,
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience".
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. ."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,
it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"CRAP!" said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center .

Not lame! Well, Depends...

 

[Borg]

HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance,
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience".
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. ."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,
it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"CRAP!" said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center .

Not lame! Well, Depends...

 

[madah12]

are you dp/dt or dF/da?

where p is the momentum , F is the force and a is the acceleration

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

If you're taken to the Seapreme Court, they'll sentence you to the eelectric chair.

 

[HeLiXe]

hypnotist at the senior center
it was entertainment night at the senior center
claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "i'm here to put you into a trance,
i intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience".
The excitement was almost electric as claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"i want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
he began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. ."
the crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,
it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"crap!" said the hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the senior center .

omg -_-

 

[Ivan Seeking]

OMG!

Ever since the internet came along, I've gotten a lot better at telling jokes.

 

[DaveC426913]

Ever since the internet came along, I've gotten a lot better at telling jokes.

Huh. Ever since the internet came along I've gotten a lot better looking.

 

[Isaacsname]

Huh. Ever since the internet came along I've gotten a lot better looking.

Yes, but why is there a weasel tied to your face ?

Are you trying to hide something ?

 

[DaveC426913]

Yes, but why is there a weasel tied to your face ?

Are you trying to hide something ?

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Bird 1: "Will you stop with your stupid owl jokes!"
Bird 2: "What? They're a hoot!"