Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,351
Ibix said:
:smile: I'm not saying they're aliens, but...

In either case, I think he's about to pee on that car!
 
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  • #2,352
Ivan Seeking said:
I think he's about to pee on that car!

Dogg-y style!
 
  • #2,353
dkotschessaa said:
(going around FB, but I like sharing here)

Did you hear that Oxygen and Potassium went on a date?

It went OK.

lololz
 
  • #2,354
dkotschessaa said:
Did you hear that Oxygen and Potassium went on a date?

It went OK.

Oxygen and Magnesium, on the other hand...
 
  • #2,355
jtbell said:
Oxygen and Magnesium, on the other hand...

OMg! I heard about that too!
 
  • #2,356
Yeah, they really set the club on fire! :eek:
 
  • #2,357
HeLiXe said:
lololz

Did you hear that 3 elements went together?
It went lololz.
 
  • #2,358
I like Serena said:
Did you hear that 3 elements went together?
It went lololz.
:smile: u got me :-p
 
  • #2,360
A local TV station's "mind twister" on their local news program this morning:

Q: Why is it illegal for someone living in South Carolina to be buried in North Carolina?

A: It's illegal to bury a living person in North Carolina.
 
  • #2,361
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

because they have big fingers.
 
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  • #2,362
ewwwww
 
  • #2,363
Tyson.jpg
 
  • #2,364
What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt!
 
  • #2,365
A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.
 
  • #2,366
The bartender says to the neutrino "We don't like your kind around here"

The neutrino doesn't react.

A neutrino walks into a bar.
 
  • #2,367
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
 
  • #2,368
lololol that was good
 
  • #2,369
Ivan Seeking said:
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

:smile:
 
  • #2,370
The following is from the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that asked readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), but written in the style of a famous person. The winning entry was The Hokey Pokey (as written by William Shakespeare).

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
-- by "William Shakespeare"
 
  • #2,371
Ivan Seeking said:
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

That's not a very nice little girl.
 
  • #2,372
Ivan Seeking said:
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
She can ask him herself. Any good biblical inerrantist knows that it was a fish that swallowed Jonah, not a whale: Jonah 1:17.
 
  • #2,373
dkotschessaa said:
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
-- by "William Shakespeare"

I love this!
 
  • #2,374
  • #2,375
Borg said:
The Style Invitational often has very good entries.

Thanks for the link, Borg.
 
  • #2,376
Why do computer scientists get christmas and halloween mixed up?

Because 31oct=25dec.
 
  • #2,377
ibix said:
why do computer scientists get christmas and halloween mixed up?

Because 31oct=25dec.

lol!
 
  • #2,378
Ibix said:
Why do computer scientists get christmas and halloween mixed up?

Because 31oct=25dec.
Thank you

I will clean the coffee off my keyboard without any animosity.
That was worth it. :)

wrong ... but still worth it.
 
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  • #2,379
What is blue and fuzzy? Blue fuzz.
 
  • #2,380
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Wherever you left it...
 
  • #2,381
http://f.kulfoto.com/pic/0001/0039/YIBdm38335.jpg
 
  • #2,382
How cold was it today? It was so cold that...

Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.

The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!
 
  • #2,383
Cold enough that there was a brass monkey knocking on my door looking for an arc welder?
 
  • #2,385
jtbell said:
How cold was it today? It was so cold that...

Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!

A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.

The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!

It was so cold that a gaggle of ducks were frozen in place while paddling around a pond. And then they flew off with the pond!

Penguins were buying jackets

Cows were producing ice cream

"The Iceman Goeth" was released

Seven universities announced the discovery of room-temperature superconductors.
 
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  • #2,386
This weather reminds me of my days of ice fishing. A lot of fun once you get set up but eventually I gave it up. Cutting the hole in the ice for the boat is just too much work.
 
  • #2,387
Ivan Seeking said:
Seven universities announced the discovery of room-temperature superconductors.

:smile:
 
  • #2,388
Ivan Seeking said:
Seven universities announced the discovery of room-temperature superconductors.

Which tells you something about not only the weather, but also the state of university operating budgets. :wink:
 
  • #2,389
This one is from a music forum:

Two bassoonists walk into a bar. One says "Did you hear about the Brazilian soldiers killed today?"

The other says "Jeez...that's TERRIBLE! Um...how many's in a brazillion?"

(actually, the bassoonists really should be violists, but the folks there were temporarily tired of viola jokes.)
 
  • #2,390
omg lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll jtbell that was the freakin best! *wipes off monitor*
 
  • #2,391
Today I drove past a sign advertising a new sandwich shop called "Which Wich". (Apparently its sandwiches are highly customizable.)

I wonder if their waitresses dress up on Halloween and call themselves "Which Wich witches?"
 
  • #2,392
What do you call a deer that does not have eyes?

No-eye deer
 
  • #2,393
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
fsh
Works better when spoken than when written.
 
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  • #2,394


lisab said:
What do you call a deer that does not have eyes?

No-eye deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer.
 
  • #2,395
Ibix said:
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no legs and no head?

Ready for the BBQ
 
  • #2,396
Jimmy Snyder said:
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
fsh
Works better when spoken than when written.

This joke is so lame I nearly went lame myself.
 
  • #2,397
Punography

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
 
  • #2,398
Jimmy Snyder said:
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
fsh

My first thought was, "Is this some kind of Linux über-Geek joke? csh, ksh, zsh, psh, ..."
 
  • #2,399
dkotschessaa said:
When chemists die, they barium.

And while they're digging his grave, they chant, "Boron! Boron!"
 
  • #2,400
dkotschessaa said:
Punography

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I love these kinds of jokes!
 

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