Collection of Lame Jokes

[HeLiXe]

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?".

 

[HeLiXe]

What did the chicken say to the duck?





Don't mess with my peeps.

 

[Darken-Sol]

why don't cannibals eat clowns? they taste funny

 

[Alfi]

The difference between kids and cannibal kids.

What's for dinner Mom?

What's for dinner? Mom?

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

People who eat vegetables live on planets and moons around Vega.
Because they're Vegans.

 

[FlexGunship]

People who eat vegetables live on planets and moons around Vega.
Because they're Vegans.

Flag on the play!

 

[Darken-Sol]

chuck norris doesn't do push ups he is actually pushing the world down

 

[Isaacsname]

chuck norris doesn't do push ups he is actually pushing the world down

I heard that's why we have tides...

 

[cobalt124]

Lame Shakespeare Quote:

"Tubby, or not tubby. Fat is the question".

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

chuck norris doesn't do push ups he is actually pushing the world down

There's a whole thread for those.
https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=177805

 

[IMP]

Did you hear the one about the broken pencil?

Never mind, it is pointless...

 

[jtbell]

Lame Shakespeare Quote:

"Tubby, or not tubby. Fat is the question".

Lame landlord joke:

(after showing apartment 2B to a prospective tenant)

"Come on, Mr. Shakespeare, make up your mind! 2B or not 2B, that is the question."

 

[BobG]

Lame landlord joke:

(after showing apartment 2B to a prospective tenant)

"Come on, Mr. Shakespeare, make up your mind! 2B or not 2B, that is the question."

Ah, but if 2B or not 2B is the answer, then what is the question?

Spoiler

What's the square root of 4B^2?

 

[drizzle]

Did you hear the one about the broken pencil?

Never mind, it is pointless...

Took me a while to get it though. :shy:

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

If a zombie became president how would he travel?

He'd use Scare Force One.

--------

Gansta 1: I interrogate my prisoners, then kill them.
Gansta 2: I kill first ask questions later.
Gansta 3: I kill.

--------

EDIT

A supervillian president would fly on Lair Force One.

A fruit president would fly on Pear Force One.

A grizzly? Bear Force One.

An uncommon person? Rare Force One.

A stunt actor? Dare Force One.

A Care Bear? Care Force One.
Ok, that's scary. Forget that one.

A president with an unknown location? Where Force One.

Someone furry? Hair Force One.

 

[lisab]

Ah, but if 2B or not 2B is the answer, then what is the question?

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Did you hear the one about the broken pencil?

Never mind, it is pointless...

Did you hear the one about the airplane? Never mind, it's over your head.
2b V ~2b = ?
TB or not TB. That is congestion. Consuption be done about it?

 

[geophysics10]

My math prof. back in the 90's used to start his lectures with an update of his marital life, and slipped it in one day during a lecture on limits.

"Is there anything worse than dividing by zero?
Marrying the wrong person.
But in mathematics, no."

 

[DaveC426913]

Q: How did the pig feel after losing its voice?
A: Disgruntled.

- The New York Times crossword

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

PF SAS - Parrot Freedom Security And Safety

 

[HeLiXe]

PF SAS - Parrot Freedom Security And Safety

LOLOLOLlololll

 

[GeorginaS]

TB or not TB. That is congestion. Consuption be done about it?

Yeah, that one? It was painful, let me tell you.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Even though the Birthers have been given their long-form BC, the conspiracy theories continue as the basis for the After-Birthers movement.

 

[Borek]

After-Birthers movement.

Aren't they called Educaters now?

 

[Borek]

[PLAIN]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/227017_10150170088106821_176141556820_7233579_766752_n.jpg

 

[Borg]

[PLAIN]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/227017_10150170088106821_176141556820_7233579_766752_n.jpg[/QUOTE]

Correction:
3: name.xml
4: ssn.xml
5: password.xml

For those who don't know what this refers to:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/gamesblog/2011/apr/27/psn-security-advice"

 

[Isaacsname]

If a zombie became president how would he travel?

He'd use Scare Force One.

--------

Gansta 1: I interrogate my prisoners, then kill them.
Gansta 2: I kill first ask questions later.
Gansta 3: I kill.

--------

EDIT

A supervillian president would fly on Lair Force One.

A fruit president would fly on Pear Force One.

A grizzly? Bear Force One.

An uncommon person? Rare Force One.

A stunt actor? Dare Force One.

A Care Bear? Care Force One.
Ok, that's scary. Forget that one.

A president with an unknown location? Where Force One.

Someone furry? Hair Force One.

lool, You just don't know when to quit...

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

lool, You just don't know when to quit...

What does "quit" mean?
------

What do aerospace and geometry zombies say?

" Plllaaaannneeeesss "

------

Don't name your horse Charlie.
You'll get a charlie-horse.

------

Astronaut: I've been to Saturn and back!
Skeptic: What are trying to pull now?
Astronaut: Some more gee's.

 

[HeLiXe]

What does "quit" mean?

It means I saw it first
ok ok I'll stop now...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Aren't they called Educaters now?

By that logic, the Birthers were all pediatricians.