Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #14,041
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  • #14,042
davenn said:
too small to read the text :frown:
Try this old man:

1668632077156.png
 
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  • #14,043
DaveC426913 said:
Try this old man:

View attachment 317295
Reminds me of a character in a Terry Pratchett novel who was searching for the Fountain of Youth, but is next seen in the afterlife. It turned out that he did find the Fountain of Youth, but didn't think to boil the water...
 
  • #14,044
davenn said:
I feel vindicated in my love of dad jokes because I discovered that Curt Smith apparently does them. And he's a rock star, so they must be cool, right?
 
  • #14,045
Ibix said:
I feel vindicated in my love of dad jokes because I discovered that Curt Smith apparently does them. And he's a rock star, so they must be cool, right?
Totally unrelated but, following your link, I found out that Roland Orzabal went from this:

Tears_for_Fears_Songs_from_the_Big_Chair.jpg

To this:

800px-Image_04-12-2021_at_19.32.jpg

Damn, I'm old!
 
  • #14,046
DaveC426913 said:
Try this old man:

thanks, young lad :wink::wink:
 
  • #14,047
Ibix said:
Reminds me of a character in a Terry Pratchett novel who was searching for the Fountain of Youth, but is next seen in the afterlife. It turned out that he did find the Fountain of Youth, but didn't think to boil the water...
Classic D&D gaff:

Party: :finds pool of water:
Halfling: :drinks from pool:
Halfling: :immediately dies from poisoned water:
Druid: :curses Halfling for being impulsive:
Druid: :casts 'raise dead' spell on Halfling:
Halfling: :comes back to life:
Halfling: :immediately dies from poisoned water in stomach:
Druid: :curses loudly:
Druid: :casts purify water on Halfling:
Druid: :casts 'raise dead' spell on Halfling:
Druid: :cuffs Halfling upside head for making him waste all his spells:
 
  • #14,049
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.
 
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  • #14,050
phinds said:
"Done!" replies the government official.
I enjoyed the joke, but it may get nuked for political reasons. Doh!
 
  • #14,051
berkeman said:
I enjoyed the joke, but it may get nuked for political reasons. Doh!
It should get nuked for its beard, not for politics. I imagine this joke exists in countless languages.
Even "White House" isn't unique:

Moscow:

weisses-haus-responsive.jpg


Bucharest:

karest_Sightseeing_Sehenswuerdigkeiten_10-1000x300.jpg
 
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  • #14,052
berkeman said:
I enjoyed the joke, but it may get nuked for political reasons. Doh!
Why? Corruption is non-partisan / bipartisan :oldlaugh:
 
  • #14,053
phinds said:
Why? Corruption is non-partisan / bipartisan :oldlaugh:
Why did you pick the White House, and those three states in particular? Are you Russian maybe?

Oh crap, the humor could be fun, but this subthread needs to be deleted before we all get into trouble. Let's all repost this on our Twitter feeds, and this thread will self-distruct in 90 seconds... 90, 89, 88..
 
  • #14,054
I read an article yesterday titled "Times Americans Proved They Were Clueless". It was hilarious, however, I didn't dare to post it here. After that, I read an interview with Rick Steves about Americans in Germany. That was funny, too.
 
  • #14,055
fresh_42 said:
After that, I read an interview with Rick Steves about Americans in Germany. That was funny, too.
Hey, I was an American in Germany, but I was only 4 y/o. Although I did go back for a conference a couple years ago...
 
  • #14,056
berkeman said:
Hey, I was an American in Germany, but I was only 4 y/o. Although I did go back for a conference a couple years ago...
Americans in Germany aren't exotic. I checked an old (2017) data sheet and found 250 Americans are registered in my hometown alone. It's rather more than less now. Germany became quite attractive to Americans a couple of years ago.
 
  • #14,057
fresh_42 said:
found 250 Americans are registered in my hometown alone.
We, we, need to register? Rhut-rho...
 
  • #14,058
berkeman said:
We, we, need to register? Rhut-rho...
As residents, not as tourists. All have to.

Edit: The police want to know where to send the tickets to.

Edit edit: I let you know if I will face the fee if you don't ... :cool:
 
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  • #14,059
Screenshot 2022-11-16 at 9.05.08 AM.png
 
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  • #14,060
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  • #14,061
1668695729981.png

An oldie but goodie.
 
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  • #14,062
hippo.jpg
 
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  • #14,063
  • #14,064
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  • #14,065
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  • #14,066
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  • #14,067
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  • #14,068
1668802154855.png
 
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  • #14,069
Orodruin said:
That's... honest. Where's it from? "An Unvarnished Introduction to the Immutable Laws of Physics"?
 
  • #14,070
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