Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

My emotional support animal is a chicken. A Kentucky fried chicken. With a biscuit. It gives me great comfort.

 

[Borg]

In that case, I have an occasional support pizza.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

My wife is now labeling our milk cartons

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[OCR]

Lol. . .

Funny videos

.

 

[orsova]

One dad joke to rule them all:

 

[pinball1970]

Le question est difficile a conprendre.

Me too

 

[pinball1970]

Those who know, know. lol...

View attachment 316663

Where does he plug in?

 

[pinball1970]

One dad joke to rule them all:

That's an awesome dad joke. However the world's funniest joke belongs to our very own Earnest Scribbler.

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.
COLONEL SANDERS (Founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 316971

It could be Churchill or possibly W C Fields but there is a put down I remember.

After a brief conversation with a lady she looked at the gentleman in disgust and said,
"You are drunken."
He turned to her and said,
"Yes, and you madam you are ugly but in the morning I will be sober."

 

[fresh_42]

It could be Churchill or possibly W C Fields but there is a put down I remember.

After a brief conversation with a lady she looked at the gentleman in disgust and said,
"You are drunken."
He turned to her and said,
"Yes, and you madam you are ugly but in the morning I will be sober."

Yeah, either Churchill, Twain, or Shaw.

 

[Ibix]

It could be Churchill or possibly W C Fields but there is a put down I remember.

After a brief conversation with a lady she looked at the gentleman in disgust and said,
"You are drunken."
He turned to her and said,
"Yes, and you madam you are ugly but in the morning I will be sober."

Churchill, to Nancy Astor, I believe.

 

[Ibix]

Yeah, either Churchill, Twain, or Shaw.

Eventually, all quotes will be attributed to Mark Twain.

 

[pinball1970]

Churchill, to Nancy Astor, I believe.

It is mean, I could never say that to anyone. Do I find it funny? Yes because if it was off the cuff..

There is another quote similar (but different)

Upper class gentlemen did not regularly bathe in the 18th century, they thought it was uncouth and something only commoners did. They used perfume instead. (This could be BS, a brother (cleric) taught me this at sixth form college )

A well off dandy was talking to a lady when she suddenly announced,
'Sir, you smell.'
He replied,
'No madam, YOU smell. I stink.'

 

[BillTre]

 

[Bystander]

Eventually, all quotes will be attributed to Mark Twain.

..., or to W. C. Fields.

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 316993

Ironically, they have actually done so.

The term "PC" is an attempt to solve the problem of saying political correctness without saying political correctness.

 

[berkeman]

The post-script notes at the end of the TV show "Northwoods Law" are usually pretty good. They tell you the end result of the cases that the Game Wardens dealt with in that episode. But this post-script made me do a double-take...

 

[Ibix]

100% caffeine?

 

[DaveC426913]

I was thinking ethylene glycol...

 

[nsaspook]

FTX headquarters when the investigators arrive.

 

[fresh_42]

The post-script notes at the end of the TV show "Northwoods Law" are usually pretty good. They tell you the end result of the cases that the Game Wardens dealt with in that episode. But this post-script made me do a double-take...

View attachment 317058

I never understood why Americans are so obsessed with zombies, but now it's getting ridiculous!

 

[WWGD]

Ironically, they have actually done so.

The term "PC" is an attempt to solve the problem of saying political correctness without saying political correctness.

Related

I never understood why Americans are so obsessed with zombies, but now it's getting ridiculous!

Zoobyshoe wrote a really good reply to that. It seemed convincing and well argued , but I can't, embarrassingly, remember what he wrote. I haven't seen him in PF for years now.

 

[WWGD]

My ex GF had broad shoulders.