Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,401
jtbell said:
Today I drove past a sign advertising a new sandwich shop called "Which Wich". (Apparently its sandwiches are highly customizable.)

I wonder if their waitresses dress up on Halloween and call themselves "Which Wich witches?"
That's been tickling my memory since I read it, and I finally tracked it down: Northern Exposure. Ed is talking to Dr. Joel Fleischman about his uncle:

ED: He is a doctor.
JOEL: Oh really? Which kind?
ED: Witch.
JOEL: Which which?
ED: Which what?
JOEL: Which doctor?
ED: Right.
 
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  • #2,402
Now you've reminded me of a Get Smart episode featuring the detective Harry Hoo (a Charlie Chan parody). Max and the Chief see him, and the ensuing conversation goes something like:

Who he?
He Hoo.
Who?
[...]

I can't find it on the net anywhere yet, so I'll have to trawl through my DVD set to find the exact quote.
 
  • #2,403
Someone drilled a hole into the nudist colony fence. Police are looking into it.
 
  • #2,404
What do you get when a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.
 
  • #2,405
hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
 
  • #2,406
Jimmy Snyder said:
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
fsh
Works better when spoken than when written.

:smile::smile::smile:
 
  • #2,407
jtbell said:
Now you've reminded me of a Get Smart episode featuring the detective Harry Hoo (a Charlie Chan parody). Max and the Chief see him, and the ensuing conversation goes something like:

Who he?
He Hoo.
Who?
[...]

I can't find it on the net anywhere yet, so I'll have to trawl through my DVD set to find the exact quote.
There's a similar one from when Hu Jintao became leader of the Chinese Communist Party:

Condoleeza Rice: Sir! Hu is the new leader of China.
G.W. Bush: I dunno, Condie. You tell me.
Rice: I just did, sir.
GWB: You said, "who is the new leader of China?"
Rice: Yes, sir.
GWB: Yasser? Isn't he that Palestinian guy? This is stupid. Get me the head of the UN.
Rice: Kofi Annan, sir?
GWB: Good idea, Condie. Coffee an' a donut. And get me that guy from the UN!
 
  • #2,408
A guy walks up to an athlete practicing for a track & field meet, and asks:

Q: Are you a pole vaulter?
A: No, I'm German... but how did you know my name?
 
  • #2,409
Not a joke per se, and not even lame, but I just find this so funny I had to share. It's from an English Sitcom "Vicar of Dibley."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MsbvGmLaU4





Transcript if you don't feel like watching a video, or need "British English to American English Subtitles."

A.
You know that stuff that they're selling now at the local shop?
B.
Which stuff?
A.
"I can't believe it's not butter!"
B.
Hmm. Oh, yes.
A.
Well, you know, I can't believe it's not butter.
B.
Well, yes, I believe that IS the idea.
A.
Then yesterday I went to the grocery, and I bought this other stuff, like a home brand.
B.
Yessssss.
A.
And, you know, I can't believe it's not "I can't believe it's not butter!"
B.
Hmmm. I'm losing you now.
A.
Well... you know "I can't believe it's not butter!"
B.
Yes, yes. You think it IS butter.
A.
No... no. I mean, you know the stuff that I can't believe is not butter is called "I can't believe it's not butter!"
B.
Probably, yes... Yes!
A.
Well, I can't believe that stuff that is NOT "I can't believe it's not butter!" is not "I can't believe it's not butter!" And I can't believe that both the stuff that IS "I can't believe it's not butter!" AND the stuff that is NOT "I can't believe it's not butter" are both in fact not butter. And... I believe they may in fact both BE butter... in a cunning disguise. And in fact there's a lot more butter around that we all thought there was.
B.
Yes... I see.
 
  • #2,410
You know the economy is bad when even God is making redundancies.
 
  • #2,411
A friend of mine reported some big news on Facebook:


I thought I would share this on fb before I reveal it to the rest of the scientific community: I invented a *working* time machine. It looks similar to a cardboard box, with some added circuitry. (I'll include complete specifications and schematics when I publish.) Bottom line: it works and it appears to be safe, at least for short "hops."
Two limitations I have yet to overcome: #1 - it will only propel me into the future, and #2 - it works in real time... so it takes me two days to move forward in time by two days. That, and I always need to pee when I arrive.
 
  • #2,412
lol - I'm already one up one you. No circuitry needed.

I have this comfortable horizontal device I use to transport me ~8 hrs into the future.

I call it a B.E.D.. Beneficial Extended Time

Unfortunately, I still have the same problems as your device...
( #1 ) and (#2 ) ... every morning! This seems to be the limitation on our devices.
 
  • #2,413
Did you hear about the kinky paranormal researcher?

He had a big foot fetish
 
  • #2,414
ROFLlololll
 
  • #2,415
Why did the neutrino cross the road?

Because it didn't interact with anything on the way.
 
  • #2,416
Q: Mr. Buffett, what are you going to do with the Heinz ketchup company now that you've bought it?

A: I'm going to turn it upside down... and wait...
 
  • #2,417
How does a mathematician get out of prison?

They define their cell to be the outside.
 
  • #2,418
  • #2,419
lisab said:
Who here has an insufferable inner adolescent? I know I do :biggrin:!

If you have one, it will love this site.

http://maps.geotastic.org/rude/

Can you protect me from infraction points?

Dead Indian Road.

What the Phoca Rock.

Rooster Rock. (google the origin of it's name. Holy Jehosephat! (-14 sp) Lewis & Clark were perverts*!)

-----------------------------
*Well, ok. Maybe not. Apparently, anyone who has looked at it, during recorded history, with a spoken language, has said; "Hey! That looks like the worlds biggest *******!"
Wiki; "Rooster Rock State Park is a state park located east of Corbett, in the U.S. state of Oregon. One of the features of the park is Rooster Rock, a column of basalt forming a natural obelisk, which stands near the south side of the Columbia River Gorge, in the lee of Crown Point. The park is administered by the Oregon Parks and Recreation Department.
The monolith was noted by the explorers Lewis and Clark in their journal as their camping place on November 2, 1805. The name is phallic in origin, specifically, the column's original name was "Cock Rock". The Chinook Jargon word for the rock was iwash, referring to penis. The name was later modified to Rooster Rock so as not to offend the public.
The eastern portion of the park is designated as a clothing-optional beach, the first officially designated clothing-optional beach in the U.S."
 
  • #2,420
Lol, :)
 
  • #2,421
Wet Beaver Creek. You need an adolescent to spot that :smile:
 
  • #2,422
They left out Mount Holly, NJ

Also Arkansas, Michigan, Maryland, North Carolina, Ohio, South Carolina, Vermont, and Virginia
 
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  • #2,423
Tampon Reunion -_- WTH
 
  • #2,424
Jimmy Snyder said:
They left out Mount Holly, NJ

Also Arkansas, Michigan, Maryland, North Carolina, Ohio, South Carolina, Vermont, and Virginia
They also missed these:

Slickpoo, Idaho
Kickapoo State Recreation Area, Illinois
Pee Pee, Ohio
Poopoo, Hawaii

I thought that they missed Big Bone Lick, Kentucky but it's hiding under Beaverlick. :rolleyes:
Interesting that they also have a place called Knob Lick.
 
  • #2,425
Lolol
 
  • #2,426
HeLiXe said:
Tampon Reunion -_- WTH

Just looked it up.
It appears to take place in France: le Tampon, Réunion. :shy:
 
  • #2,428
I like Serena said:
Just looked it up.
It appears to take place in France: le Tampon, Réunion. :shy:

trollcast said:
http://www.muffdivingclub.ie/

I kid you not.

:smile:
 
  • #2,429
Famed self help expert Dewey Yusef died this morning, an apparent suicide.
 
  • #2,430
Jimmy Snyder said:
Famed self help expert Dewey Yusef died this morning, an apparent suicide.

OMG lololll I actually got it after I thought about it for 5 seconds...I now feel like I have a high IQ:smile: It's actually very funny--esp the suicide lol...but a little dark I guess
 
  • #2,431
lisab said:
Who here has an insufferable inner adolescent? I know I do :biggrin:!

If you have one, it will love this site.

http://maps.geotastic.org/rude/

I'm surprised it doesn't mention the scenic French Broad of North Carolina and Tennessee.
 
  • #2,432
  • #2,433
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2012/11/30/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-7145-1354298200-1.gif
 
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  • #2,434
Why do they have fences around graveyards?
Because people are just dying to get in there!
 
  • #2,435
Borek said:
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2012/11/30/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-7145-1354298200-1.gif

I think I will invest in companies that make Toilet Paper and Power Paint Rollers.

That was not lame at all.

:smile:
 
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  • #2,436
OmCheeto said:
I think I will invest in companies that make Toilet Paper and Power Paint Rollers.

That was not lame at all.

:smile:

lol it just goes to show...no matter how pretty you are, some people will still treat you like solid waste.
 
  • #2,437
Ahhhh! More Flashbacks!

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/559709_556331331054549_279176926_n.jpg​

OmCheeto said:
One of my facebook friends posted the following this morning:

Om's friend said:
Today my sweet little angle turns 9, Happy Birthday Ty!
My response:

Me said:
He's acute little angle. :)

:blushing:
Aug20-11, 10:21 AM
 
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  • #2,438
Upisoft said:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: GPS malfunction.

Was he using Apple Maps?
 
  • #2,439
Why are stupid owls always single?
They don't have the wit to woo.
 
  • #2,440
And yet they have with what to who.
 
  • #2,441
OmCheeto said:
Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.

Yo mama so fat she collapsed into a singularity, thus causing the first "earth based" black hole!
 
  • #2,442
PhysicsDad said:
Yo mama so fat she collapsed into a singularity,

that sucked the whole universe into it, so now we're all living inside her! :eek:
 
  • #2,443
jtbell said:
that sucked the whole universe into it, so now we're all living inside her! :eek:

But then those pesky mathematician overlords defined her insides to actually be the outside so mass panic didn't occur across the globe.
 
  • #2,444
A man walks into a bar and sits down. Pretty soon he hear's a muted, high-pitched voice, which says, "You're very handome". The man looked around but couldn't figure out who said it. A moment later he hears the voice again. "You're awesome!" Again the man looked around but saw no one. And again he heard it; "You're a classy guy!". But this time the man could determine the source of the voice. It was coming from a bowl of peanuts sitting on the bar! So he called the bartender over and exclaimed, "Bartender, these peanuts are talking to me!" "Really? What did they say?" asked the bartender. "Well they said I'm handsome, awesome, and classy", the man replied. "Oh yes" said the bartender, "the peanuts are complimentary".
 
  • #2,445
too tired to type...

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/549254_561363640551318_1024119333_n.jpg​

zzzzzzz...
 
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  • #2,446
When I was growing up, my dad treated us like gold... Every time he wanted something, he just yelled Au! (Aye you!) ;)
 
  • #2,447
PhysicsDad said:
Yo mama so fat she collapsed into a singularity, thus causing the first "earth based" black hole!

There's a joke somewhere in that title. I know there's a lame joke. Something about uranium, critical mass, a fat mama...

Or perhaps, just an after dinner mint... :redface:

conservation of mom. explosion
 
  • #2,448
There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
 
  • #2,449
trollcast said:
There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

And those who don't understand this joke...
 
  • #2,450
I don't understand it either. There doesn't seem to be enough information in it.
 

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