Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #1,441
Scientific Conversions

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
52 cards = 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
10 rations = 1 decoration
2 monograms = 1 diagram
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
 
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  • #1,442
IMP said:
Scientific Conversions

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
52 cards = 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
10 rations = 1 decoration
2 monograms = 1 diagram
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

1 millionth of a mass?
 
  • #1,443
IMP said:
2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

And not 4?

That's almost half of Beijing.
 
  • #1,444
micromass said:
1 millionth of a mass?

Micromass of course!
 
  • #1,445
10-12 ghost = 1 picoboo

9 x 10-9 musical instruments = 1 nanononet
 
  • #1,446
micromass said:
3) It is obvious...
The professor writes the next equation on the board and says "This step is trivial." One of the students raises their hand and asks "Are you sure?" The professor stands in front of the board, lost in thought for about ten minutes. Then turns to the student and says "Yes, it's trivial."
 
  • #1,447
1 millionth of a greeting?
 
  • #1,448
Jimmy Snyder said:
1 millionth of a greeting?

A microwave! :biggrin:
 
  • #1,449
jtbell said:
9 x 10-9 musical instruments = 1 nanononet

If only Luigi Nono had written one... :frown:
 
  • #1,450
jtbell said:
If only Luigi Nono had written one... :frown:

If it wasn't limited to musical instruments you could say it's equal to 1 nanonona

"It can be proven...", and the conversions are the best things I have read all day. Thanks

Also:

10^9 Giants = 1 Gigagigas's
 
  • #1,453
micromass said:
A microwave! :biggrin:

I believe it's a nanowave, micromass. :biggrin:

Opps! I somehow read it 1 billionth of a greeting. Ghah, I need to sleep
 
  • #1,454
AlephZero said:
Sounds more like a Ligeti joke to me. I guess http://www.artnotart.com/fluxus/gligeti-poemesymphonique.html lasts for 0.1 kiloticks.

Would you believe I actually have a recording of that piece? :rolleyes: Or that there's a whole slew of YouTube videos?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-mEKnWU19s
 
  • #1,455
jtbell said:
Would you believe I actually have a recording of that piece? :rolleyes: Or that there's a whole slew of YouTube videos?

Why would I disbelieve it? He was first class practical joker, as well as having some of his stuff hijacked for film soundtracks like Kubrick's "2001".

Another Ligeti story was an early performance of his organ work "Volumina", which at one point requires the performer to press down and hold as many notes as possible, using all available body parts. This exceeded the design capability of the organ's blowing system, which caught fire. Nobody panicked. The audience thought that smoke pouring out of every orrifice of the pipe organ was just part of the performance.
 
  • #1,456
:smile::smile::smile:
animals_rolodexes_crackpot_1260065.jpg
 
  • #1,457
These crackpot cartoons are killing me LOLOL:smile:
rman2489l.jpg
 
  • #1,458
As requested, I apologise for not posting here. I'll get the hang of this forum one day :D.A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well, then, just give me my money back."

"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."

"What you going to do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece, and made a profit of $898."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."_______________________________________________A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?
 
  • #1,459
:smile::cry::smile:
 
  • #1,460
Did you hear the one about the statistician?
 
  • #1,461
Yes! :biggrin:
 
  • #1,462
lol. The answer I was expecting was "probably." But that'll do.
 
  • #1,463
Best time to go to the dentist ?

... 2:30
 
  • #1,464
Isaacsname said:
Best time to go to the dentist ?

... 2:30

:smile: subtle...
 
  • #1,465
001-alex-was-having-second-thoughts.png
 
  • #1,466
Hahaaa... Hmm, tan2x + 1 = 1/cos2x...:rolleyes:
 
  • #1,467
An experimental physicist visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old... Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old." :biggrin:
 
  • #1,468
drizzle said:
Hahaaa... Hmm, tan2x + 1 = 1/cos2x...:rolleyes:

Uh...yeah. That's creepy.
 
  • #1,469
drizzle said:
An experimental physicist visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old... Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old." :biggrin:

This joke is 2 billions and 40 years old.
 
  • #1,470
Borek said:
This joke is 2 billions and 40 years old.
:smile:
 

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