Collection of Lame Jokes

[nuuskur]

I realized I shouldn't be racist. That's why I equally hate everyone in the world. *grumpy*

that's an interesting solution

 

[Enigman]

Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

 

[jtbell]

 

[Ibix]

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prarie; the other prowls on the hairy.

 

[Psinter]

Just heard a woman say: "He made such intense eye contact... I love that man."

Which of course made me think of...

Eye Contact

duh
​

EDIT: To complete the combo, here is some more...

iContact

 

[Psinter]

【Shakespeare】

 

[Psinter]

Two lame jokes:

1. Rights were violated? Thank goodness I'm a lefty.
2. I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.

This isn't very funny; lots of girls have this prob- ohhhhhhhhhhIgetit.

 

[OmCheeto]

 

[Ibix]

From my son's book:

Why can't pirates play cards?

Spoiler

They're sitting on the deck.

 

[Psinter]

From the radio:

What's another word for cute girl in English:

BBQ
-.-

 

[Sakamo]

How many alphabets are there between C and K?273.

 

[Sakamo]

Won't you join us?Just leave me argon!

 

[Sakamo]

U235 has no cation.

But a caution!

 

[cobalt124]

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet? - Because they always get stuck at C.
What do you get if you put root beer in a square glass? - Beer

 

[Sakamo]

Be aware of Paul Harvey.He is radioactive!

 

[Sakamo]

Cathodic protection works well

in Protestant countries!

 

[Sakamo]

Salt bridge, aka

Tacoma!

 

[Sakamo]

Bond Enthalpy is

007!

 

[Sakamo]

The cause of Evariste Galois' sudden death.
Half-life!

 

[russ_watters]

Speaking of lame jokes...

 

[PWiz]

I once told a chemistry joke, but there was no reaction.

 

[OmCheeto]

I hate Facebook...

 

[Psinter]

Boy: I've never kissed a girl before.

Girl: Me neither.

 

[Ibix]

Did I tell you guys about my racing snail? He wasn't winning much any more. I looked at him and I thought, "you know, he's not very aerodynamic - maybe that's the problem". So I took his shell off to make him more streamlined. But it only made him more sluggish...

 

[Ibix]

What does Mrs Batman say to call Batman in when lunch is ready?

Lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch, Batman!

 

[Psinter]

You know if it were for me I would marry you, but my mom doesn't let me.

Spoiler

Excuses, in case you didn't get it.

 

[Psinter]

 

[Psinter]

Probably has been posted before, but:

1. What does one buttock says to the other?
   • Don't cross the line
2. What does one rock says to another?
   • Life is hard.

 

[Borg]

Did you hear the one about the teacher who took a morning after pill?

Spoiler

She wanted to make sure there was no child left behind.

 

[Psinter]

What does the United States says to its enemy countries who are warring and using GPS guided missiles?
-Use Apple Maps.
__________________
Another one:

 

[Borg]

I wonoder how many times she got pulled over?

 

[Ibix]

I wonoder how many times she got pulled over?

"Yes officer, the wheels were on the top when I bought it..."

By the way, it's either a he, or she can't spell blonde.

 

[Ibix]

What does Bruce Wayne use to power his gadgets?

Spoiler

Bat-eries

 

[nuuskur]

"Yes officer, the wheels were on the top when I bought it..."

By the way, it's either a he, or she can't spell blonde.

I am blonde, so that narrows it down :D

 

[jtbell]

Classic literature updated...

Dr. Ahab psychoanalyzes a depressed whale: Mopy Dick.

 

[DaveC426913]

Did I tell you guys about my racing snail? He wasn't winning much any more. I looked at him and I thought, "you know, he's not very aerodynamic - maybe that's the problem". So I took his shell off to make him more streamlined. But it only made him more sluggish...

Epilogue:

So I bought him a car, and painted S's all along the side.
That way, when he raced down the street people can point and say "Lookit that Es car go!"

 

[Ibix]

We need a "groan" button for this thread, when "like" isn't quite appropriate...

 

[Borg]

Well, there goes my avatar.

 

[lisab]

Got a bladder infection? Oops, urine trouble!

 

[DaveC426913]

Classic literature updated...

Dr. Ahab psychoanalyzes a depressed whale: Mopy Dick.

In an astonishing coincidence, I heard this term a second time the same day - in an episode of Mike & Molly.

 

[Lisa!]

Dear math, please accept the fact that x's gone and won't come back again. Stop asking us to find it for you and try to go on your life without it!

 

[Borg]

Dear math, please accept the fact that x's gone and won't come back again. Stop asking us to find it for you and try to go on your life without it!

Y?

 

[Ibix]

Y?

\frac{b\cos x}{u}

 

[Borg]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Spoiler

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

 

[Enigman]

Classic literature updated...

Dr. Ahab psychoanalyzes a depressed whale: Mopy Dick.

Erectile dysfunction?

 

[jtbell]

Why does a hummingbird hum?

Because it doesn't know the words.

 

[PWiz]

I'm cool because I'm 0K.

(Look carefully...)

 

[lisab]

I'm cool because I'm 0K.

(Look carefully...)

 

[jtbell]