Collection of Lame Jokes

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24,333 replies · 3M views
Char. Limit said:
I like this post.

It's been 5 hours now, and no one has made comment about my joke.

You really need to marry your girlfriend, and have about between 5 million and 3 billion kids.

Otherwise...
 
Physics news on Phys.org
Actually I didn't get it till this morning, so I couldn't comment on earlier.

But now, that I know what I am commenting on, I like it.
 
Borek said:
Actually I didn't get it till this morning, so I couldn't comment on earlier.

But now, that I know what I am commenting on, I like it.

I can relate. I just now got jtbell's joke. It took me two days!:

jtbell said:
Archduke Otto von Habsburg, who died recently at the age of 98, was once told about an upcoming Austria-Hungary football (soccer) match. His response: "Who are we playing?"
 
My eyes aren't so good anymore and at first I read a thread title in GD as "Boobs that changed your life". As I rushed to type the first of a hundred stories swirling in memory, I realized that the title was "Books that changed your life".

Well darn, that's not nearly as interesting.
 
Ivan Seeking said:
My eyes aren't so good anymore and at first I read a thread title in GD as "Boobs that changed your life"

:smile::smile: I don't even know what the rest of your post says lololll
 
Ivan Seeking said:
My eyes aren't so good anymore and at first I read a thread title in GD as "Boobs that changed your life". As I rushed to type the first of a hundred stories swirling in memory, I realized that the title was "Books that changed your life".

Well darn, that's not nearly as interesting.

I've always found malfunctioning senses to be quite entertaining. Yesterday, I heard a commercial on the radio selling a drug that cured puppiness. I thought to myself, "If rootX took that drug, would he disappear?"

yes. I know. Time to change the batteries...
 
Last edited:
Borek said:
When your wife tells you to switch roles in the bed, don't tell her you have a terrible headache.
:smile:

I love this lol
 
Borek said:
When your wife tells you to switch roles in the bed...
OmCheeto said:
yes. I know. Time to change the batteries...
Did I get some wires crossed? Again?
 
Ivan Seeking said:
My eyes aren't so good anymore and at first I read a thread title in GD as "Boobs that changed your life". As I rushed to type the first of a hundred stories swirling in memory, I realized that the title was "Books that changed your life".

Well darn, that's not nearly as interesting.

Ahh yes. If there's one thing you can cling to in old age, it's the fond mammeries.

...err...fond memories...of mammeries. :rolleyes:
 
Borek said:
When your wife tells you to switch roles in the bed, don't tell her you have a terrible headache.

Tell her to pass the TV remote and make it fast... and the ceiling needs painting.
 
HeLiXe said:
:smile::smile: I don't even know what the rest of your post says lololll

I was just telling my wife about my error. She responded by saying "I can sure name a boob who changed my life!"

:rolleyes:

I don't think I like her tone. :confused:
 
I've been holding this back... it might be in poor taste, but here goes... please no infractions.

Did you guys hear about the Exorcist movie? Yeah, they're going in a different direction with this one. This time a woman calls the devil to remove a priest from inside her son.
 
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss bowling league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
 
reminds me of myself :-p
im_an_idiot.png
 
HeLiXe said:
reminds me of myself :-p
im_an_idiot.png
thumbs up! :biggrin:




----------

*employee #1 tied to missile*
Angry Boss: You're fired!
*presses launch button*
*turns to employee #2*
Angry Boss: You're fired! *torches him with a flamethrower*
*turns to #3*
Employee #3: Uuh, umm... eheh... I quit. *runs away as fast as he can*
Angry Boss: Hmm? I don't know what scared him so much. And I was going to to give him a promotion, too.
 
A man who is having gas problems explains to his doctor that
every time he farts it sounds like honda.
The doctor does an examination and finds nothing wrong with the man.
As a last resort he looks into the patient's mouth and finally spots the
problem. "I'm sorry, you'll have to go to a dentist for your problem."
So the man goes to see his dentist. After a quick exam, the dentist
announces that the man has an abscess. "No problem, I'll
have you fit and without your embarrassing problem in a jiffy," says
the dentist.
Sure enough, the man's problem disappears and he no longer makes
farts that sound like a honda. The next week the man calls up the
dentist and thanks him for all he's done for him. But before he hangs up
he asks the dentist how he knew the problem was caused by an abscess.
The dentist replies, "It's easy. Everyone knows that an abscess
makes the fart go honda.
 
ThomasT said:
A man who is having gas problems explains to his doctor that
every time he farts it sounds like honda.
The doctor does an examination and finds nothing wrong with the man.
As a last resort he looks into the patient's mouth and finally spots the
problem. "I'm sorry, you'll have to go to a dentist for your problem."
So the man goes to see his dentist. After a quick exam, the dentist
announces that the man has an abscess. "No problem, I'll
have you fit and without your embarrassing problem in a jiffy," says
the dentist.
Sure enough, the man's problem disappears and he no longer makes
farts that sound like a honda. The next week the man calls up the
dentist and thanks him for all he's done for him. But before he hangs up
he asks the dentist how he knew the problem was caused by an abscess.
The dentist replies, "It's easy. Everyone knows that an abscess
makes the fart go honda.
I don't get it.
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
thumbs up! :biggrin:




----------

*employee #1 tied to missile*
Angry Boss: You're fired!
*presses launch button*
*turns to employee #2*
Angry Boss: You're fired! *torches him with a flamethrower*
*turns to #3*
Employee #3: Uuh, umm... eheh... I quit. *runs away as fast as he can*
Angry Boss: Hmm? I don't know what scared him so much. And I was going to to give him a promotion, too.

lolololz maybe a promotion to the moon or something
 
Lancelot59 said:
I don't get it.

I didn't either at first.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Bit of a stretch.
 
genepool said:
I didn't either at first.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Bit of a stretch.

:smile: well, it is in the Lame Jokes thread!
 
genepool said:
I didn't either at first.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Bit of a stretch.

Maybe if you stretch it past the breaking point...but okay.
 
lisab said:
:smile: well, it is in the Lame Jokes thread!
Exactly. There are far to many clever and funny jokes in this thread imo.
 

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