Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,801
What's your wife/hubby?
Super.

What's a scam artist?
Super duper.

A baby?
Super duper pooper.

A dog?
Super duper snooper.

You walking your dog?
Super duper pooper scooper.

A housefly?
Super duper pooper snooper.

:sleep:
 
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  • #2,802
256bits said:
What's your wife/hubby?
Super.

What's a scam artist?
Super duper.

A baby?
Super duper pooper.

A dog?
Super duper snooper.

You walking your dog?
Super duper pooper scooper.

A housefly?
Super duper pooper snooper.

[emoji99]
Haha that's really lame!
 
  • #2,803
256bits said:
Super duper pooper snooper.
A visitor to the new National Poo Museum.
 
  • #2,804
41GV4gB8t3L._SX258_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg
 
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  • #2,805
OK. I'm getting grossed out now.?:)
 
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  • #2,806
256bits said:
You walking your dog?
Super duper pooper scooper.
When you accidentally put the stuff in your grocery bag?
Super duper pooper scooper blooper.
 
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  • #2,807
Borg said:
41GV4gB8t3L._SX258_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg
You don't know how to empty the Pooh bowl, do you ?
 
  • #2,808
A waiter asks a blonde:
- Would you like your pizza sliced to 6 or 12 pieces?
- 6 please, I couldn't eat 12
 
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  • #2,809
Heh, the variant around here is about vlaai.
Usually cut in eight but for the small appetite they can slice it in 4 pieces.
 
  • #2,810
As long as we're telling blonde jokes...

A blonde is celebrating with champagne at a bar and offers to buy a glass for the guy next to her.
"Thanks! What are we celebrating?"
"Glad you asked!" She whips a jigsaw puzzle box out of her purse.
"See this puzzle? It was super hard - but I finished it in only two years! Aren't I smart??"
The guy says "What's so smart about that?"
The blonde is undeterred.
"Look, right here on the box! It says 3+ years."
 
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  • #2,811
4 men walk into a bar, they realize there's only one bar stool...
 
  • #2,812
twiz_ said:
4 men walk into a bar, they realize there's only one bar stool...
I don't get it.
 
  • #2,813
2 others didn't get it either.
 
  • #2,814
DaveC426913 said:
I don't get it.

...so they flip the 4-legged barstool upside down
 
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  • #2,815
twiz_ said:
...so they flip the 4-legged barstool upside down
:biggrin: bhuhaha
 
  • #2,816
Three tomatoes are walking on the street, Mama tomato, papa tomato and baby tomato. The baby tomato starts to lag behind and papa tomato gets angry. He goes back, squishes the baby tomato and says: catchup!
 
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  • #2,817
twiz_ said:
...so they flip the 4-legged barstool upside down
OK, that was too lame. :rolleyes:
 
  • #2,818
What do you get when someone throws a bottle of omega-3 capsules at you?

Super fish oil injuries.
 
  • #2,819
I've got everything 0.000001% under control. Or in other words: micro-controlled.
 
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  • #2,820
Psinter said:
I've got everything 0.000001% under control. Or in other words: micro-controlled.
That's 10-8, not 10-6.
 
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  • #2,821
The number of zeros is not in the 0.0001% that is controlled.
 
  • #2,822
DrClaude said:
That's 10-8, not 10-6.
For the sake of me, I don't get it. Is this a lame joke continuation? :oldconfused:
Because this table told me what is micro.
 
  • #2,823
Psinter said:
For the sake of me, I don't get it. Is this a lame joke continuation? :oldconfused:
Because this table told me what is micro.
Ah ha!
That darn % sign will put you off by two orders of magnitude, if you're not careful.

x% = x/100
 
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  • #2,824
OmCheeto said:
Ah ha!
That darn % sign will put you off by two orders of magnitude, if you're not careful.

x% = x/100
Ahaha, now I get it. Thanks!

That was lame, but a good one. :biggrin:
 
  • #2,825
Reminds me of this:

 
  • #2,826
Hipsters going to love it http://9gag.com/gag/a3Bn8X8?ref=android.s
 
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  • #2,827
A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw"

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "We have a drink named after you'" The grasshopper responds, "Really? You have a drink called a Murray?"

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
 
  • #2,828
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
 
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  • #2,829
Ibix said:
A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
lol . . . I like this one a lot ^^
 
  • #2,830
Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve your type in here."
 
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  • #2,831
DrGreg said:
Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve your type in here."
aaaabeeiiklmmNnnooRrssTtww. The barman says "We don't serve your sort in here either".

Lame enough for ya?
 
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  • #2,832
A sorting algorithm walks into a bar.
It became a br.
It became a
.
 
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  • #2,833
Ibix said:
aaaabeeiiklmmNnnooRrssTtww. The barman says "We don't serve your sort in here either".

Lame enough for ya?

No:-p Two eggs and a piece of toast walk into a bar and the toast says"I'd like to buy my two friends a drink." The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
 
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  • #2,834
Hurkyl said:
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

This reminded me about why cannibals don't eat comedians...they taste funny
 
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  • #2,835
A salesman walks up the driveway to a farmhouse in the pouring rain at night, knocks on the door, and tells the old farmer:
"My car broke down a mile back. I got it to a garage, but I need a place to stay over night."
The farmer says: "Well, my beautiful young wife passed away recently, and my 4 beautiful daughters have recently moved to the big city, so I've got plenty of beds for you to sleep in."
The salesman turns around and begins walking down the driveway.
The farmer says "Hey where are you going?? I said there's There's plenty of room!"
The salesman calls back: " Yah... I think I've walked into the wrong joke."
 
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  • #2,836
Two supercomputers?

That's cray cray!
 
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  • #2,837
Kevin McHugh said:
No:-p Two eggs and a piece of toast walk into a bar and the toast says"I'd like to buy my two friends a drink." The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a leash. "Do you serve foreigners here?" he asks the bartender.

"Er... yes, sir. Er... equalities legislation, you know..."

"Good. A pint for me and a foreigner for my crocodile here."
 
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  • #2,838
I want to know what is the secret of Victoria.
 
  • #2,839
Psinter said:
I want to know what is the secret of Victoria.
You mean the womenswear https://www.victoriassecret.com/ in New York ? :smile:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #2,840
Pepper Mint said:
You mean the womenswear https://www.victoriassecret.com/ in New York ? :smile:
You know it! :biggrin:

I like your cubone. ♥
 
Last edited by a moderator:
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  • #2,841
OK you lot, you asked for it ! ... don't say you weren't warned :-p:wink:

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D
 
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  • #2,842
davenn said:
OK you lot, you asked for it ! ... don't say you weren't warned :-p:wink:

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D
Not everyone has the bread for a suitcase like that. :oldbiggrin:
 
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  • #2,843
hahaha good response :smile:
 
  • #2,844
trespassers2.jpg
 
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  • #2,845
ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34
 
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  • #2,846
He is so versatile!


 
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  • #2,847
davenn said:
ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34
lol! I need that on a t-shirt!
 
  • #2,848
davenn said:
ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34

Laughing gas doesn't exist.
There is nothing between N to O.
 
  • #2,849
NO, no laughing gas for you, because nitric oxide is poisonous.
 
  • #2,850
sorta lame one liners ...

1.) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7.) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9.) Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

11.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't sir, I've cut off your arms!"

12.) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

13.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"

14.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

15.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

16.) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

17.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
 
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