Collection of Lame Jokes

[Nugatory]

View attachment 340395

In the southeastern United States we have sweetgum balls. IYKYK.

 

[Borg]

"caltrops,"

I've always wanted the capability to deploy them for use against tailgaters but there would be too much collateral damage to other cars.

 

[Ibix]

I've always wanted the capability to deploy them for use against tailgaters but there would be too much collateral damage to other cars.

Tow 'em behind you on strings.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jack action]

View attachment 340476

Where is $x$?

 

[Ibix]

Where is $x$?

$y\ u$ want to know?

 

[phinds]

Where is $x$?

Pertinent to the math, irrelevant to the joke.

 

[DrGreg]

Where is $x$?

With Wally (for UK readers).

With Waldo (for US readers).

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 340395

" You don't know Jack's "

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Actually they breath through trachea.

 

[jack action]

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few then he blushed and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.'

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

 

[nsaspook]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 340569

Happens once every six months.

 

[BillTre]

Its President's Day:

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Orodruin]

This reminded me of the following oldie goldie:

A constant and $e^x$ were out walking when they spotted a differential operator in the distance.
- Oh no! exclaimed the constant. That differential operator will kill me!
- Fear not! said $e^x$. Stand next to me and I will protect you!
As the differential operator approached, they both declared themselves in unison:
- Hello, differential operator! We are constant $e^x$, pleased to meet you!
- Hello, constant $e^x$! I am $\partial/\partial y$.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Orodruin]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

 

[Ibix]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

Go on, tell us then.

 

[phinds]

 

[jbriggs444]

Go on, tell us then.

That is something you will need to discover yourself.

 

[Ibix]

That is something you will need to discover yourself.

But when?