Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

The executioner was sitting next to his guillotine one morning, getting ready for the days's work. A guy walked past and saw him making notes on a piece of paper.

"What's that?"

"My chopping list."

 

[jack action]

Bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

 

[jack action]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 340040​

If you ever wondered why obesity is becoming a societal issue …

 

[phinds]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[collinsmark]

(Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/temp)

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[DrGreg]

I don't know what all the fuss is about salads. I mean, it's not rocket science.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

A certain day is around the corner. So here's a blast from the past (ancient meme).

 

[H_A_Landman]

What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and gooey?

Bubble gum.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

I heard of someone who got back to her desk to find a note asking her to call Jill Withergee at a company they did business with. She rang the company and asked for Jill Withergee, but got "no-one of that name here". After a bit of back-and-forth she eventually realised the message had been left by Gill, who spelt her name with a G.

Maybe it's easier to have a more distinctive " wither" last name. Not likely to have a confusion with the name ' Witherspoon'.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

Maybe it's easier to have a more distinctive " wither" last name. Not likely to have a confusion with the name ' Witherspoon'.

What does Reese eat if she doesn't eat grease with her spoon?

 

[WWGD]

What does Reese eat if she doesn't eat grease with her spoon?

The pieces. Reeses's pieces.

 

[BillTre]

 

[sbrothy]

After consuming Amanita, it can take a week. After having the symptoms of a mild cold for two or three days, you get pretty hungry, especially on the 4th day when you feel much better. Just when you thought the illness was over, you enter three days of progressive liver, then multiple organ failure, and it is your life that is over.

Is there a faster acting toxic fungi than Amanita toxin ?

And still there are people who think i'ts a good idea to ingest them recreationally.

 

[sbrothy]

The pieces. Reeses's pieces.

I immediately thought of a word that rhymes and starts with f....

 

[WWGD]

I immediately thought of a word that rhymes and starts with f....

I was thinking of that too, somehow . Edit: When I ask for one, I say, with a 'p'.

 

[jtbell]

At church yesterday, Gladys saw someone who looked like a newcomer.

"Hi, I'm Gladys Dunn."

"So am I! That was the longest sermon I've ever heard."