Collection of Lame Jokes

[sbrothy]

Insert BASIC on Commodore PET for me.

Wow. That must've been before my time. My first computer was an MSX Toshiba HX-22. I was 12. All my friends had C64s. I had only crap games so I had to do things myself. I made it draw the Mandelbrot set. It took it 2 days calculating a million pixels but my screen was an ordinary TV so it didn't look so impressive when it was done. I still have a picture of it. :P

It's a scary thought already being a nerd at that age. Not that I ever lacked social skills though. But damn that was a challenge. I've done it since in C++ and that was a piece of cake compared.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[jtbell]

We have a lot of people around here with that problem.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

Third Kirchhoff Law: If the wire exerts smoke, the amperage in the wire is too large.
Fourth Kirchhoff Law: If wire catches fire, amperage is far too much for this wire.
Fifth Kirchhoff Law: If the wire explodes, amperage was even more than in the case of the 4.th Law.

 

[collinsmark]

Third Kirchhoff Law: If the wire exerts smoke, the amperage in the wire is too large.
Fourth Kirchhoff Law: If wire catches fire, amperage is far too much for this wire.
Fifth Kirchhoff Law: If the wire explodes, amperage was even more than in the case of the 4.th Law.

I used to teach an Intro to Computer Engineering Lab class. It was common practice at the time caution the students to be careful when wiring up the power rails to their 7400 series chips, else the chips' "magic smoke" would escape.

 

[DaveC426913]

Reminds me of the instructions for use of a nautical sounding bob.

For use in shallow waters.
Deploy sounding bob at bow. Lower until it touches bottom. Note depth.
Repeat.
If sounding bob touches bottom sooner, you are approaching shallow water, slow and alter course.
If sounding bob bounces, turn immediately.

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[jtbell]

Nitpick: shouldn't that be "Saint Erwin"?

 

[Borg]

Wasn't the cat presumed to have been put in the box alive?

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

HEY ... they finally had one specifically for me:

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard about the new weight loss drug for farm animals?

It's called Ozempig.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

I used to teach an Intro to Computer Engineering Lab class. It was common practice at the time caution the students to be careful when wiring up the power rails to their 7400 series chips, else the chips' "magic smoke" would escape.

I was once trying to work out why a circuit wasn't working. Then I noticed the LED glowing. Then I remembered that it was not a light emitting diode and rapidly deduced that might be related to the problem.

(The diode was across a relay and supposed to short reverse current when the relay switched, but I'd wired it back to front and it simply shorted out the relay, which was why it had over-heated slightly.)

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

A manatee?
View attachment 342436

You hacked into my mother-in-law's personal pics. How dare you?? ;).

 

[DennisN]

The second one is in German (my translation below):

Toilet brush instructions:

1. Completely wrong
2. Wrong
3. Almost correct
4. Correct

 

[Swamp Thing]

The title on the German poster reminded me of Mark Twain's "The Awful German Language".

 

[Swamp Thing]

Decolonization (/diːˌkɑː.lə.nəˈzeɪ.ʃən/) : A type of radical surgical procedure.

 

[Swamp Thing]

Viral meme channel : Social media influenza

 

[Orodruin]

Decolonization (/diːˌkɑː.lə.nəˈzeɪ.ʃən/) : A type of radical surgical procedure.

Technically colonectomy

Viral meme channel : Social media influenza

Are we sure it is not bacterial?

 

[Swamp Thing]

Are we sure it is not bacterial?

If it had been, we would have called it a bacterial meme.

 

[Orodruin]

If it had been, we would have called it a bacterial meme.

Would require some antimemeotics

 

[Tom.G]

Viral meme channel : Social media influenza

Are we sure it is not bacterial?

Yea, bacteria are easier to kill off.

 

[jtbell]

The second one is in German (my translation below):

As I'm sure you know, Swedish and Finnish also have agglutinative tendencies. I used to have a railroad timetable book which had a section labeled Valtionrautateiden henkilöliikenne / Persontrafik på statsjärnvägarna.

 

[Ibix]

As I'm sure you know, Swedish and Finnish also have agglutinative tendencies. I used to have a railroad timetable book which had a section labeled Valtionrautateiden henkilöliikenne / Persontrafik på statsjärnvägarna.

Why use two words when you can glue them together so one will do?

 

[Filip Larsen]

Swedish and Finnish also have agglutinative tendencies.

As I understand it, the Danish word "Speciallægepraksisplanlægningsstabiliseringsperiode" with a a length of 51 got an official entry in Guinness Book of Records in 1993 (I haven't checked though).