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Collection of Lame Jokes
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SUMMARY
This forum discussion centers around a collection of lame jokes shared by users, showcasing a variety of humor styles. Notable jokes include, "A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, 'Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill,'" and "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." Participants engage in light-hearted banter, with some jokes eliciting groans and laughter alike. The thread emphasizes the enjoyment of humor that is intentionally silly or absurd, appealing to those who appreciate puns and wordplay.
PREREQUISITES- Understanding of basic joke structure and humor types
- Familiarity with puns and wordplay
- Knowledge of cultural references in humor
- Ability to appreciate absurdity in comedic contexts
- Explore the history of puns in literature and comedy
- Research the psychology of humor and why people enjoy lame jokes
- Learn about different styles of comedy, including surrealism and absurdism
- Investigate the role of cultural references in joke-telling
Anyone looking to enhance their comedic repertoire, including aspiring comedians, writers, and individuals interested in the mechanics of humor. This discussion is particularly beneficial for those who enjoy light-hearted, silly jokes and want to understand their appeal.
- #18,812
gmax137
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Have you noticed this never happens around the movie campfires?
In Boy Scouts we would send the tenderfoots over to the next camp, to ask for the left-handed smoke shifter, lol.
In Boy Scouts we would send the tenderfoots over to the next camp, to ask for the left-handed smoke shifter, lol.
- #18,813
BillTre
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When i was new working on a ship I was sent to find a universal something-or-other.
I guess it was funny for the tricksters, but it was a way to learn my way around the ship and meet a lot of new people.
I guess it was funny for the tricksters, but it was a way to learn my way around the ship and meet a lot of new people.
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- #18,815
collinsmark
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Orodruin said:
Here's a link to the source (easier to read that way):
https://toggl.com/blog/build-horse-programming
- #18,816
Borg
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Well, since this is a physics forum...phinds said:
- #18,817
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- #18,818
Borg
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I need a bumper sticker that says "Caution, political discussions trigger my Tourettes".
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If you really want to avoid them, change "Tourettes" to "homicidal rage"Borg said:
- #18,820
nsaspook
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- #18,821
WWGD
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- #18,822
WWGD
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This lady said she used the sticker PMS 666. And it worked for her.phinds said:
- #18,823
jack action
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#16 is my favorite!
The Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
The Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
- #18,824
jack action
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That would make a great personalized licence plate!WWGD said:
- #18,825
WWGD
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- #18,826
WWGD
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- #18,827
WWGD
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- #18,828
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TIL: These are actually e-clips:Orodruin said:Are those … E-clips?
- #18,830
dextercioby
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- #18,831
jack action
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Or those:Orodruin said:
- #18,832
jack action
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A routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback one night.
After the last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as some other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started the car; switched the wipers on and off, despite it being a fine, dry summer night; flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.
At last, when he was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” responded the truly proud man. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
After the last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as some other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started the car; switched the wipers on and off, despite it being a fine, dry summer night; flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.
At last, when he was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” responded the truly proud man. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
- #18,833
jack action
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BOSS: You're late.
ME: (takes his cup) It's pronounced "latte" but thanks!
ME: (takes his cup) It's pronounced "latte" but thanks!
- #18,834
berkeman
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Took me 5 seconds as well... 
- #18,835
davenn
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- #18,836
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Near where I went to school there was a company that did painting on tractors, which we always thought was a bit of a niche market. It took them about a year to replace the letter C that had fallen off their building.berkeman said:
- #18,837
nsaspook
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- #18,838
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WWGD said:
berkeman said:
Retraction; Abstraction
- #18,839
jtbell
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I hate you. I took me a good minute, dammit ! I just couldn't figure what the joke's angle was.berkeman said:Took me 5 seconds as well...