Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

Took me 5 seconds...

...took me a good minute...

At least it didn't take you a degree.

 

[Ibix]

At least it didn't take you a degree.

It did seem like a rather protracted period.

 

[phinds]

Oh, this could go on for a while. I'm going out for coffee. Please, everyone get it out of your system before I come back.

 

[berkeman]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

I want Tony Danza to be invited to play Jeopardy, so he can answer the question:

" She was the Secretary of Education under Trump"

Tony Danza: Who's DeVos.

 

[berkeman]

I want Tony Danza to be invited to play Jeopardy, so he can answer the question respond to the clue:

"She was the Secretary of Education under Trump"

Tony Danza: Who's DeVos.

Fixed that for you...

 

[WWGD]

Fixed that for you...

Yes, they're not quite real questions.

 

[berkeman]

Yes, they're not quite real questions.

Jeopardy is a quiz show that has a unique answer-and-question format in which contestants are presented with clues in the form of answers and must phrase their responses in the form of a question.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...4QFnoECDsQAw&usg=AOvVaw1yWA_wCe5iZapH4zG_s5Dn

 

[Bob Walance]

An Irishman in a Dublin pub has the habit of ordering three separate pints of Guinness. He would set them down on the table and carefully take a sip from each glass one-by-one.

This goes on for many weeks when someone in the pub gets curious and decides to ask the man why he does this. He answers, "You see, I have two brothers and they've both moved far away. We all decided that every time any us orders Guinness that we would get three pints in order to remember our two other brothers.

This goes on for months.

One day the lad in Dublin orders two pints instead of three and begins sipping from the two glasses. Someone in the bar notices this and walks over to offer his condolences.

"I am so sorry for your loss", the patron says.

"Haha! No, both of my brothers are just fine, but I've stopped drinking."

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

We don’t know yet… they’re still arguing about it.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A simple majority. In the event of a tie, the Vice President holds the stepladder.

 

[BillTre]

 

[JT Smith]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[jtbell]

Well-digger's chant: Boron

"Prometheum anything, but give her Arpége."

What does a doctor do? Helium? Curium?

Have went (bad grammar) = Argon

What does a gravedigger do? Barium

What does a cop do? Cesium

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMg

 

[Borg]

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMg

Since it's highly exothermic, it's OMg in more ways than one.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]