Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

https://scontent-sjc2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14657321_1036193383174136_4250092852937282462_n.jpg?oh=9bbc55b29499b03bca941ac719e33a20&oe=58A77950

 

[Psinter]

When you were a kid and your mom served you vegetables:

 

[davenn]

hahaha

 

[Borg]

That's awesome Dave.

 

[davenn]

That's awesome Dave.

didn't see my first skunk till my visit to the USA in 1999 ... it was in the wild roaming a field in northwest Colorado
we don't have them in Oz

 

[Borg]

didn't see my first skunk till my visit to the USA in 1999 ... it was in the wild roaming a field in northwest Colorado
we don't have them in Oz

You definitely can tell when there's one around.
A coworker hit one on the road a couple of weeks ago. He said that it ran out in front of his car but I don't think they go that fast. I saw one in the road a couple of months ago and it was clearly taking its time.

 

[Psinter]

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Copyleft -----|----- Copyright
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[fresh_42]

didn't see my first skunk till my visit to the USA in 1999 ... it was in the wild roaming a field in northwest Colorado
we don't have them in Oz

Well, it seems, everything is a little bit more dangerous down under than in other places. Even the drugs:

 

[davenn]

Well, it seems, everything is a little bit more dangerous down under than in other places. Even the drugs:

yeah, the cane toad is a nasty and poisonous species. An idiot, who shall remain nameless on here, introduced them in 1935
to control a beetle that was damaging sugar cane crops.
Unfortunately, the cane toad turned into a much bigger environmental disaster. They have no natural predators here and have
flourished and spread widely across the state of Queensland and now being regularly found in the northern areas of the state
of New South Wales. Dave

 

[fresh_42]

yeah, the cane toad is a nasty and poisonous species. An idiot, who shall remain nameless on here, introduced them in 1935
to control a beetle that was damaging sugar cane crops.
Unfortunately, the cane toad turned into a much bigger environmental disaster. They have no natural predators here and have
flourished and spread widely across the state of Queensland and now being regularly found in the northern areas of the state
of New South Wales.Dave

Don't mind. We have a small group of Bennett kangaroos somewhere in the woods here. I'm not sure if they're still around, but last time I've checked, it has been their fourth successful winter. And of course, greater rheas. And raccoons, we have many raccoons.

O.k., I admit not really poisonous, but funny anyway. The only thing I really, really regret is - I mean we even have populations of Alexandrine parakeets - however, what we do not have in the wild, and they would perfectly be able to survive here, so what we do not have is my absolute favorite of all birds: Keas.

 

[davenn]

Keas.

yeah cool parrots ...where are you from ... I have to assume NZ with the Kea comment ??

 

[fresh_42]

yeah cool parrots ...

The best.
And crows, which we have.

where are you from ... I have to assume NZ with the Kea comment ??

You should know better. But if you draw the diameter from Keas natural habit through earth, you'll be pretty close. And as far as Wiki is right, there are no Bennett-kangaroos in NZ.

 

[Ibix]

To understand recursion we must first understand recursion.

 

[1oldman2]

To understand recursion we must first understand recursion.

Nothing like a logic loop, thanks for the perspective.

 

[DrGreg]

To understand recursion we must first understand recursion.

That reminds me that on page 269 of Kernighan and Richie's book The C Programming Language, the book's index entry for "recursion" includes page 269.

Also, try googling for "recursion" and see what happens.

 

[1oldman2]

Also, try googling for "recursion" and see what happens.

Upon following your advice, I came across this interesting aspect.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recursion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Droste_effect

The Droste effect-known as mise en abyme in art-is the effect of a picture appearing within itself, in a place where a similar picture would realistically be expected to appear. The appearance is recursive: the smaller version contains an even smaller version of the picture, and so on. Only in theory could this go on forever; practically, it continues only as long as the resolution of the picture allows, which is relatively short, since each iteration geometrically reduces the picture's size. It is a visual example of a strange loop, a self-referential system of instancing which is the cornerstone of fractal geometry.

 

[Ibix]

That reminds me that on page 269 of Kernighan and Richie's book The C Programming Language, the book's index entry for "recursion" includes page 269.

I didn't know that one. I love little gags like that in textbooks.

Also, try googling for "recursion" and see what happens.

Nice. Have you tried googling for "askew"? You need a reasonably modern browser for that one.

 

[fresh_42]

That reminds me that on page 269 of Kernighan and Richie's book The C Programming Language, the book's index entry for "recursion" includes page 269.

Also, try googling for "recursion" and see what happens.

Does the index distinguish between directly addressed pages and pointers?

 

[1oldman2]

Since googling is the current subject, thought I'd post this URL.
http://www.doseoffunny.com/barrel-roll-awesome-secret-google-tricks/

 

[davenn]

 

[EnumaElish]

Another board I read has a knight, Sir Chenjin (say it out loud).

I don't get it.

 

[1oldman2]

I don't get it.

(search engine = Sir Chenjin)

 

[fresh_42]

(search engine = Sir Chenjin)

And I took it for "the changing" which is pretty meaningless ...
Thanks for clarification.

 

[davenn]

ohhhh dear ..

 

[fresh_42]

ohhhh dear ..

View attachment 107575

Pulp fiction fan?

 

[davenn]

Pulp fiction fan?

ohhh, Yes indeed :)

 

[fresh_42]

What's the difference between a celebrity, a firefighter and a physicist?

Spoiler: warning: it hurts

For a celebrity, fame is everything.
For a firefighter, flame is everything.
For a physicist, frame is everything.

 

[Ibix]

Why did the programmer die of starvation in the shower?

The instructions on the shampoo bottle said "Wash, rinse, repeat"

 

[Bystander]

I don't get it.

One more time --- slowly --- and, out loud --- I didn't either --- at first, or second --- but, third time's the "charm."

 

[EnumaElish]

(search engine = Sir Chenjin)

I still don't get it. Is it supposed to sound out "Another bored irate ..."? Or "A mother board"?

 

[jim mcnamara]

Try sirch enjin - phonetically sound it out

Otherwise you must be making a point unrelated to the 'I do not get it'. Which I do not get...

 

[1oldman2]

I still don't get it. Is it supposed to sound out "Another bored irate ..."?

Forget everything but Sir Chenjin

 

[Borg]

What's the difference between a celebrity, a firefighter and a physicist?

Spoiler: warning: it hurts

For a celebrity, fame is everything.
For a firefighter, flame is everything.
For a physicist, frame is everything.

Spoiler: This thread

For this thread, lame is everything

 

[Bystander]

still don't get it.

Langauge barrier/hurdle/confusion/translation problem?

 

[jtbell]

I still don't get it.

What's your native language? Maybe "Sir Chenjin" is pronounced differently in some other languages than in English.

 

[Sophia]

I still don't get it. Is it supposed to sound out "Another bored irate ..."? Or "A mother board"?

Words below each other sound the same, read aloud

Search____engine
SirCh______ enjin

I guess maybe you read j in Chenjine as J in Jacques? This joke assumes you read it as j in jam. Also Ch could be alternatively read as K, Russian kh (letter x in azbuka), or even sh as in Charles (French name) but in this case, it should sound as ch in sandwich.
yeah, this joke is harder to understand for speakers of other languages.

 

[OCR]

Ever get lost in the woods ?
You won't if you just... ( C'mon -- say it -- fast -- three times... )

" Tie twine to three tree twigs."...

 

[davenn]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xtp1/t31.0-8/14706958_665813663576450_510840891464061231_o.jpg

 

[davenn]

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14432982_1615937068698734_907566644400085807_n.jpg?oh=3ce4c1d89f293ca6a5900f7a2b6fd99a&oe=58A3AA59

 

[davenn]

haha

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14657342_10210509874641047_3207152573077612995_n.jpg?oh=8df8fad63c034e9806f648f27d594223&oe=5860D918

 

[Ibix]

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14432982_1615937068698734_907566644400085807_n.jpg?oh=3ce4c1d89f293ca6a5900f7a2b6fd99a&oe=58A3AA59

I was going to make some kind of "four crying out loud" pun. But then I realized that there are no angles given and the diagram as labelled cannot be to scale. 10/10, in that case...

 

[Sophia]

An old lady offers her neighbour nuts for free. The man gratefully accepts.
This repeats for a few days and then the man asks:

"Grandma, why do you buy those nuts when you can't eat them? "

" I buy Tofiffee. "

 

[EnumaElish]

Forget everything but Sir Chenjin

OK. Now I get it.

So I am not to sound out "forget everything but"? (A joke)

 

[Ibix]

My son appeared this morning wearing a backpack with a shark fin (ref), waving a lightsaber, and claiming to serve the shark side of the force.

I have trained this one well.

 

[Bystander]

I have trained this one well.

"Well trained this one you have."

 

[fresh_42]

My son appeared this morning wearing a backpack with a shark fin (ref), waving a lightsaber, and claiming to serve the shark side of the force.

I have trained this one well.

This reminds me of the following story.

Once I had a temporary daughter (modern times ...) and when she got bullied by one of her classmates, I taught her to respond something incredibly smart, so the other one would look like an idiot. So she learned by heart a mathematical phrase.

However, I didn't expect her running around on her mom's regular Line Dance event, telling everybody she could get a hold on, that $\pi$ isn't in any Galois extension of $\mathbb{Q}$. Oh dear ...

 

[davenn]

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14666161_10209152958834616_2172086070718958921_n.jpg?oh=61c98ba343d813c2bee7432c4f7c1a35&oe=58AB2589

 

[sophiecentaur]

This reminds me of the following story.

Once I had a temporary daughter (modern times ...) and when she got bullied by one of her classmates, I taught her to respond something incredibly smart, so the other one would look like an idiot. So she learned by heart a mathematical phrase.

However, I didn't expect her running around on her mom's regular Line Dance event, telling everybody she could get a hold on, that $\pi$ isn't in any Galois extension of $\mathbb{Q}$. Oh dear ...

Time to get your hat and coat, I think, Dave. [emoji12]

 

[lightandmatter]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was stapled to Sid Vicious.

I thought the chicken crossed the road to see their flat mate.

 

[sophiecentaur]

I thought the chicken crossed the road to see their flat mate.

Wasn't that the hedgehog?