Collection of Lame Jokes

[Isaacsname]

Masochists make scratch-n-sniff stickers out of sandpaper.

 

[WhoWee]

Masochists make scratch-n-sniff stickers out of sandpaper.

Would that be un-nerving or de-nerving?

 

[Isaacsname]

Sand paper you say... I thought it was a map of the Sahara

It also doubles as a grooming brush for your pet rock.

 

[HeLiXe]

It also doubles as a grooming brush for your pet rock.

 

[Lancelot59]

It also doubles as a grooming brush for your pet rock.

I think it would give it a sandy finish.

 

[Isaacsname]

Balls - interesting observation.

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL..
2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And...

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

-----------

In Washington DC they must play with marbles,..apparently.

 

[WhoWee]

Balls - interesting observation.

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL..
2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And...

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

-----------

In Washington DC they must play with marbles,..apparently.

Is an American football - really a ball?

I'd better brush up on the definition - scratch the surface a bit.

 

[OmCheeto]

[STRIKE]I would mention scientists and Buckeyball, but I'm sure that would warrant me an insta-ban.[/STRIKE]

I did not even think that. No. It was, um, Penguino!

 

[DaveC426913]

Is an American football - really a ball?

It's a ball; it's just not a spherical ball.

 

[WhoWee]

It's a ball; it's just not a spherical ball.

(trying to keep the sand paper going)





All I know is once the surface is smooth - it's harder to handle.

 

[Isaacsname]

Oh, I guess I could belt out a few more given the opportunity.

 

[Isaacsname]

Arnold Zander, an obscure 1930's Chicago baker, was facing a rough lawsuit from a rival competitor concerning the name of a cookie, Pecan Sandies. He was really stuck on the cookie as it was a top seller, so he decided to cave in and rename it. He went back and forth in his mind,... and forth and back some more,... quarts of sweat literally poured from his brow...as he discarded mental inclusions in search of clarity...

"... Hhhmmmm ...crunchy crumblies ?...naaah...crispie snappers ?...no...hmmm...Zander's Crumbles ..?...maybe...wait,.. "

" I've got it ! "..." Brittle Zanders " he whispers to himself smoothly with a glint in his eye.

A few weeks go by, business is brisk, friction with the rival was gone, things were almost too good, as Arnold hardly had time to close up shop and get to his son's school in time to pick him up.

He's ready to rush out the door in a mad dash, when his old friend Ed comes running up frantically.

" Oh man, I am so glad to see you, my kid's throwing a tantrum, I left him in the car around the corner, you got anything left ? "

Arnold, reluctantly, steps aside as Ed runs in and tugs the lightcord.

" Hey neato, is that some sort of fancy Chinese rope or something ? "

" No, it's a braid, Ed, my kid made it in school, can you hurry up ? "

Ed runs over to the cookie case.

" Brownies and cookies ? Aw man...That's all you got left ? "

" Look ", says Arnold, " I don't have all day man, I got to pick up my kid too. "

" Now, make up your mind, what do you want ? "

" Brownies or Brittle Zanders ? "

 

[DaveC426913]

" Brownies or Brittle Zanders ? "

:crickets chirping:

...I don't get it...

 

[jtbell]

In Washington DC they must play with marbles,..apparently.

By the time they get to Washington, they've lost all their marbles.

 

[Isaacsname]

:crickets chirping:

...I don't get it...

Hahahaha...this why I'm never taking you rattlesnake hunting.

I hid at least 10 gems in there, start with the phrase " orbital sanders " and go from there.

looool.

 

[Lancelot59]

Hahahaha...this why I'm never taking you rattlesnake hunting.

I hid at least 10 gems in there, start with the phrase " orbital sanders " and go from there.

looool.

LAAAAAAAAAME! So it fits in here perfectly I guess. That's actually nicely well hidden in there.

 

[lisab]

This thread is so grating.

 

[Isaacsname]

LAAAAAAAAAME! So it fits in here perfectly I guess. That's actually nicely well hidden in there.

I'm drawing from my interest in what I refer to as " linguistic illusions ", also mondegreens, nonce words, etc. Check out the lyrics to Mairzy Doats. Things like this are used as a gauge of restored cognitive function in patients with severe brain trauma.

-

Also years of experience polishing BS.....borosilcate glass. I'm glad you guys can appreciate that I came up with this from scratch.

...somebody help me,...I can't stop.

 

[Lancelot59]

What's the integral of $$\frac{1}{cabin}$$? It's not a log cabin, it's a houseboat. You forgot to add the C.

 

[Isaacsname]

:crickets chirping:

...I don't get it...

I'm sure everything will get clearer if you just go over it a few times..

 

[Isaacsname]

What's the integral of $$\frac{1}{cabin}$$? It's not a log cabin, it's a houseboat. You forgot to add the C.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm sure everything will get clearer if you just go over it a few times..

I have. It hasn't.Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

 

[Isaacsname]

Arnold Zander, an obscure 1930's Chicago baker, was facing a rough lawsuit from a rival competitor concerning the name of a cookie, Pecan Sandies. He was really stuck on the cookie as it was a top seller, so he decided to cave in and rename it. He went back and forth in his mind,... and forth and back some more,... quartz of sweat literally poured from his brow...as he discarded mental inclusions in search of clarity...

"... Hhhmmmm ...crunchy crumblies ?...naaah...crispie snappers ?...no...hmmm...Zander's Crumbles ..?...maybe...wait,.. "

" I've got it ! "..." Brittle Zanders " he whispers to himself smoothly with a glint in his eye.

A few weeks go by, business is brisk, friction with the rival was gone, things were almost too good, as Arnold hardly had time to close up shop and get to his son's school in time to pick him up.

He's ready to rush out the door in a mad dash, when his old friend Ed comes running up frantically.

" Oh man, I am so glad to see you, my kid's throwing a tantrum, I left him in the car around the corner, you got anything left ? "

Arnold, reluctantly, steps aside as Ed runs in and tugs the lightcord.

" Hey neato, is that some sort of fancy Chinese rope or something ? "

" No, it's abraided my kid made it in school, can you hurry up ? "

Ed runs over to the cookie case.

" Brownies and cookies ? Aw man...That's all you got left ? "

" Look ", says Arnold, " I don't have all day man, I got to pick up my kid too. "

" Now, make up your mind, what do you want ? "

" Brownies orbital sanders? "

 

[FlexGunship]

Knock knock!

 

[FlexGunship]

Knock knock!

Knock knock!

 

[BobG]

Knock knock!

Knock knock!

We're all waiting for Dave to answer it.

 

[Isaacsname]

Here Dave, try these..

Cartoons In Order Of Increasing Difficulty

http://www.coldbacon.com/kliban2.html

 

[DaveC426913]

Who's there?

 

[FlexGunship]

Who's there?

To









(random characters for message length)

 

[DaveC426913]

Seriously? Everyone else got orbital sanders right away but me?