DennisN
Gold Member
- 2,197
- 10,329
Collection of Lame Jokes
- Thread starter quddusaliquddus
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jokes
Join the discussion
Registration is free. Ask a follow-up in this thread, or start your own.
24,333 replies · 3M views
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
Friendly tip:
When making a sex tape, always play Disney music in the background.
That way if it gets leaked online, Disney lawyers will have them all taken down.
You're welcome.
When making a sex tape, always play Disney music in the background.
That way if it gets leaked online, Disney lawyers will have them all taken down.
You're welcome.
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
- 20,819
- 28,467
I knew it! Those cats are not what they pretend to be!
Science Advisor
Homework Helper
- 3,447
- 3,740
Science Advisor
- 13,423
- 4,244
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
An old lady treats herself to a night's stay in a luxurious hotel. When it's time to pay, the employee at the counter hands her over a $250 bill.
She then asks the employee why it is so expensive. She explains to him that she agrees that it's a nice hotel, but that frankly it wasn't worth $250 for just one night, plus she didn't even have breakfast.
The employee replied that $250 was the standard price, that breakfast was included, and that she could have had it.
She then asks to speak to the director. He arrives at reception and, already informed by the employee, announces:
- “Madam, this hotel has an Olympic-sized swimming pool and a fully equipped conference center, this is part of our standard.”
- “But I didn’t use them”, she said.
- “Maybe, but it was there and you could have used them.”
He goes on to explain that the hotel also has a very famous show every evening and that she could have attended it.
- "But I didn’t go to the show”, she insists.
After each service that the hotel manager details, she replies that she did not take advantage of it. But the director always has the answer to everything. After a while, she finally decides and writes a check for ... $50, which she hands to the director.
The latter, surprised when he saw the check, said to her:
- “But ma’am, your check is only for $50!”
- “That’s true, but I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.”
- “But ma’am, I didn’t sleep with you!” exclaims the director.
- “Ah! It’s a shame, I was there, and you could have taken advantage of it!”
She then asks the employee why it is so expensive. She explains to him that she agrees that it's a nice hotel, but that frankly it wasn't worth $250 for just one night, plus she didn't even have breakfast.
The employee replied that $250 was the standard price, that breakfast was included, and that she could have had it.
She then asks to speak to the director. He arrives at reception and, already informed by the employee, announces:
- “Madam, this hotel has an Olympic-sized swimming pool and a fully equipped conference center, this is part of our standard.”
- “But I didn’t use them”, she said.
- “Maybe, but it was there and you could have used them.”
He goes on to explain that the hotel also has a very famous show every evening and that she could have attended it.
- "But I didn’t go to the show”, she insists.
After each service that the hotel manager details, she replies that she did not take advantage of it. But the director always has the answer to everything. After a while, she finally decides and writes a check for ... $50, which she hands to the director.
The latter, surprised when he saw the check, said to her:
- “But ma’am, your check is only for $50!”
- “That’s true, but I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.”
- “But ma’am, I didn’t sleep with you!” exclaims the director.
- “Ah! It’s a shame, I was there, and you could have taken advantage of it!”
Science Advisor
- 13,423
- 4,244
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
Some people are like slinkies.
Not really good for much, but brings a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
Not really good for much, but brings a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
Science Advisor
Gold Member
- 2,408
- 5,259
Starting to wonder about the search history of @jack action. 
Science Advisor
- 3,648
- 10,067
Always on the safe side, private browsing only.Borg said:Starting to wonder about the search history of @jack action.
Science Advisor
Gold Member
- 9,747
- 11,967
16 Commandments for your senior years.
1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
2 - Consider "In Style" to be the clothes that still fit.
3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pi$$ing you off.
4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."
6 - You have days when your life is just a tent away from a circus.
7 - These days, "on time" is when you get there.
8 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
9 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
10 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
11 - "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why you're there.
12 - When you were a child, you thought nap time was punishment. Now it feels like a mini vacation.
13 - Some days you have no idea what you're doing out of bed.
14 - You thought growing old would take longer.
15 - Ageing sure has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
16 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice.
2 - Consider "In Style" to be the clothes that still fit.
3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pi$$ing you off.
4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."
6 - You have days when your life is just a tent away from a circus.
7 - These days, "on time" is when you get there.
8 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
9 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
10 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
11 - "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why you're there.
12 - When you were a child, you thought nap time was punishment. Now it feels like a mini vacation.
13 - Some days you have no idea what you're doing out of bed.
14 - You thought growing old would take longer.
15 - Ageing sure has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
16 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
Gifovaco
- 17
- 26
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder?quddusaliquddus said:Lamest joke you know ...
made a spectacle of himself...
Boss, can't come in today, voices in my head told me where my previous boss is.....
Well, you wanted bad jokes....
Gifovaco
- 17
- 26
Cool Clint(Eastwood) moment....BillTre said:
Science Advisor
- 13,423
- 4,244
Gifovaco
- 17
- 26
'Floor Play' I dunno....lolBorg said:
Gifovaco
- 17
- 26
Sweet and Sour... Ya know it's .....♫a long, long road♫Gifovaco said:
