Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #3,501
DaveC426913 said:
I just saw this one on America's Funniest Home People!
Ha! You outed one of my prime sources! :-p

(I think you meant "Videos" not "People".)
 
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  • #3,502
DaveC426913 said:
Well, that's why it's a verbal joke. :smile:

Here is a print joke that does not work verbally:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.
 
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  • #3,503
Aufbauwerk 2045 said:
There were two brothers from Scotland. They went into the transportation industry, taking people between Glasgow and nearby small towns.

The business went very well, until one day there was a tragic accident. One of the brothers broke his neck.
Quite a business! Fast too! ...
 
  • #3,504
BillTre said:
Here is a print joke that does not work verbally:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.
Well, you do and I do so that makes 10 of us.
 
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  • #3,505
phinds said:
Well, you do and I do so that makes 10 of us.
11.
 
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  • #3,507
This might make a decent series progression question for a SAT test.
 
  • #3,508
BillTre said:
Here is a print joke that does not work verbally:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those that understand binary and those that don't.
phinds said:
Well, you do and I do so that makes 10 of us.
... or it's a regular 10 (ten) ... and he doesn't! ...
 
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  • #3,509
jtbell said:
(I think you meant "Videos" not "People".)
There used to be two shows aired simultaneously: AFHV and AFP.
My wife kept getting them confused and calling them America's Funniest Home People. So it stuck.
 
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  • #3,510
Aufbauwerk 2045 said:
There were two brothers from Scotland. They went into the transportation industry, taking people between Glasgow and nearby small towns.

The business went very well, until one day there was a tragic accident. One of the brothers broke his neck.
Either I am a dunce, or you have a morbid sense of humour.
 
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  • #3,511
DaveC426913 said:
Either I am a dunce, or you have a morbid sense of humour.
Yeah, Dave, I didn't get that one either.
 
  • #3,512
DaveC426913 said:
Either I am a dunce, or you have a morbid sense of humour.

phinds said:
Yeah, Dave, I didn't get that one either.

He was carrying people on his neck! Didn't you get it?
 
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  • #3,513
Stavros Kiri said:
He was carrying people on his neck! Didn't you get it?
Ah! No, I didn't.
 
  • #3,514
DaveC426913 said:
Ah! No, I didn't.
Took me some time too, but I thought it qualified as a good "groaner" ...
(See also #3503)
 
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  • #3,515
Stavros Kiri said:
He was carrying people on his neck! Didn't you get it?

I also didn't get it right away. An Englishman explained it to me. He understood it instantly. Think about why the brothers, who are from Scotland, carried people instead of buying a vehicle.
 
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  • #3,516
Aufbauwerk 2045 said:
I also didn't get it right away. An Englishman explained it to me. He understood it instantly. Think about why the brothers, who are from Scotland, carried people instead of buying a vehicle.
The problem was in the original wording. It talked of "taking people' and not 'carrying people'. I think you would need to be psychic to have got it with that word wrong. :smile:
 
  • #3,517
collinsmark said:
Why would cows be eating chickens in the first place? It just doesn't make sense. What is going on around me in this world?! :confused::woot::nb)
 
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  • #3,518
sophiecentaur said:
The problem was in the original wording. It talked of "taking people' and not 'carrying people'. I think you would need to be psychic to have got it with that word wrong. :smile:
Wow! I'm either psychic!(?) ... or I actually evaluated the whole sentence, which talked about transportation business:
Aufbauwerk 2045 said:
They went into the transportation industry, taking people between Glasgow and nearby small towns.
I think it's fairly clear.
[but not to say the same about the neck part, I agree ...]
 
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  • #3,519
What will they think of next?

"Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan."
 
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  • #3,520
collinsmark said:
Why would cows be eating chickens in the first place? It just doesn't make sense. What is going on around me in this world?! :confused::woot::nb)
jtbell said:

+ check this out!:


It's called "Evolution" ... so to speak ...
 
  • #3,521
Stavros Kiri said:
I think it's fairly clear.
[but not to say the same about the neck part, I agree ...]
Maybe they were traveling at a breakneck speed.
 
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  • #3,522
jtbell said:

Stavros Kiri said:
+ check this out!:


It's called "Evolution" ... so to speak ...


Oh, my. :bugeye:
 
  • #3,523
Buckleymanor said:
Maybe they were traveling at a breakneck speed.
... or breakneck weight ...
 
  • #3,524
so profound ! :rolleyes:

upload_2017-3-22_12-36-57.png
 
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  • #3,525
davenn said:
so profound ! :rolleyes:

View attachment 114891
Then that's a "check" (√) formation, not a V formation ...
 
  • #3,526
17390576_1869890709934286_5669247446373780608_o.jpg
 
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  • #3,527
Rare funny video (Jim Carrey in his first steps ...):


And ... a later one:
 
  • #3,529
The pessimist sees only darkness in a tunnel.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist recognizes the light is an oncoming train.
The train driver sees three idiots on the track.
 
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  • #3,530
fresh_42 said:
The pessimist sees only darkness in a tunnel.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist recognizes the light is an oncoming trains.
The train driver sees three idiots on the track.
What if the realist is the optimist!? Then there is only two idiots!

Another similar:

The pessimist sees that the train has descended into the tunnel.
The optimist sees that it will come back out rising again.
The smart train driver has secretly abandoned the train inside the downhill tunnel, because it has no brakes!
Question: How many people inside the train wear tie?
Answer: Soon it won't matter! :biggrin::oldbiggrin::oldsurprised:
 
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  • #3,531
bat-man-jpg.104956.jpg
 
  • #3,532
Stavros Kiri said:
Another similar:

The pessimist sees that the train has descended into the tunnel.
The optimist sees that it will come back out rising again.
The smart train driver has secretly abandoned the train inside the downhill tunnel, because it has no breaks!
Question: How many people inside the train wear tie?
Answer: Soon it won't matter! :biggrin::oldbiggrin::oldsurprised:
Soon everyone will wear one.
 
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  • #3,533
Why would the driver abandon the train if it's not broken? :oldconfused:
 
  • #3,534
Borg said:
Why would the driver abandon the train if it's not broken? :oldconfused:
Without brakes and downhill (possibly with turns) it would (could) get off track soon ... and he is a whimp! ... + that was a joke! ...
 
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  • #3,535
Stavros Kiri said:
Without breaks and downhill (possibly with turns) it would (could) get off track soon ... and he is a whimp! ... + that was a joke! ...
You mean "without brakes"? :oldwink:
 
  • #3,536
Borg said:
You mean "without brakes"? :oldwink:
Ooups! Typo, or mispelling. Thanks!
Stavros Kiri said:
because it has no breaks!
Out of edit time. Fixing here:
Stavros Kiri said:
because it has no brakes!

+ (edit) thanks to mentor who fixed the original too.
 
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  • #3,537
The CBS Morning News had a report today on the Oakland Raiders football team's forthcoming move to Las Vegas:

"The Arc of the Lost Raiders"
 
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  • #3,538
jtbell said:
The CBS Morning News had a report today on the Oakland Raiders football team's forthcoming move to Las Vegas:

"The Arc of the Lost Raiders"
You mean "Ark"?
With ark it will take them forever to get there ..., + on dry land?! ... It would be better if they had money to buy plane tickets! ...
 
  • #3,539
This one I think is by Jay Leno.

Did you hear about the TSA's new slogan? "We handle more junk than eBay!"
 
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  • #3,540
Recently in a bar:
"A beer, please!"
"Non-alcoholic?"
"No, just lactose-free."
"Are you kidding?"
"And who began with?"
 
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  • #3,541
haha ... I suspect there's a lot of us guys that could relate to that :smile:

Job at Airbus.jpg
 
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  • #3,542
"Welcome to Tesla Motors! How can I help?"
"I'd like to talk to you about the Prius in your exhibition."
"There is no Prius in our exhibition."
"Well, ... now there is."
 
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  • #3,543
something else a lot of guys can relate to :wink::wink:

17795678_10154576402842449_4901514011384489562_n.jpg
 
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  • #3,544
davenn said:
something else a lot of guys can relate to :wink::wink:

View attachment 120705
(way prior to that) Watch out for the first sign! It usually starts by telling them to sleep on the couch, ... which is actually just one step before the door! ...
... the usual excuse being that the other fancy dog or the kids sleep in the bedroom now with "mom"! ...
 
  • #3,545
frog with hyperdrive.jpg
 
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  • #3,546
fresh_42 said:
"Welcome to Tesla Motors! How can I help?"
"I'd like to talk to you about the Prius in your exhibition."
"There is no Prius in our exhibition."
"Well, ... now there is."
Is that the new "low pressure" way to get rid of your old car?
 
  • #3,547
So my 15 year old today asked me where did "god" come from?
I simple told him to google the Boltzmann brain
 
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  • #3,548
No words
 
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  • #3,549
What do you call a rabbit with piles and piles of Easter eggs?

A billion-hare.
 
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  • #3,550
hsdrop said:
So my 15 year old today asked me where did "god" come from?
I simple told him to google the Boltzmann brain
I thought google was the god ... . Could it also be a Boltzmann brain? Could we too?
 

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